A Situation I Don't Want To Be In (Venting Feel Free To Ignore)

So I am just kind of doing some venting here.  In many ways I wanted to be in the situation I am in and in many ways I didn't.  Anyway feel free to ignore my venting session.

So a little while ago I went to my college homecoming.  I was with a friend so I hung out with his friends.  Well one of his friends happened to go to my high school.  So my friend in his infinite wisdom brought this point up.  This gave her an in to talk to me.  So I have this problem, I don't really like to keep company with girls I am not attracted too.  I was not attracted to this girl.  I am not that small of a guy I am 5'10" and I weigh 200 lbs.  However, this girl was at least 2 inches shorter than me and had at least 80 lbs on me... if not more.  So yes, she was the fat chick.  Anyway while at the school we talked, as she got drunker and the night progressed she flirted with me more and more.  Getting to the point where she mentioned why she wouldn't take me back to her hotel room.  >_> needless to say I was not upset by that fact.  My friend, got me out of that situation and we left.

Well apparently recently this girl has been pestering my friend about me.  Which is fine, I guess, I did not leave her with any contact information.  So apparently recently she asked him how I felt about her.  If you read the first paragraph, you know the answer is not how she wants me to feel about her.  So now I get the fun task of figuring out how to reject her without causing a fissure in the social circle.    The nicest and most honest answer is that I am not attracted to her.   Seriously that is all I can think of.  If I deviate too much from that I stop telling the truth and start lying.  I don't want to be lying, that is worse than causing drama.

I don't know I guess I just am not ready to be in this situation.  I feel really bad because now my friend has been wrapped up into this situation as well.  This is why I hate meeting people through people.  You have to find a diplomatic approach.  Lucky for me I know my friend likes me more than her... but still.  It sucks she is going through him.  You would have thought that not getting my contact information would be enough?  Seriously, my real name is pretty unique and hard to find.  If I don't take the time to tell people where to look they won't find me.   I would have thought that the fact that she had to go to my friend to find me on facebook would show that I am not interested in her... in the way she wants.

I don't know, I am venting really... then again this does feel pretty good to know that I have the power this time around.  However, I feel bad having started drama where it does not need to be.  I hate causing trouble for other people.  Even if this friend completely understands.  Make no mistake when the time comes I have no intention of avoiding the issue... no matter how insensitive the answer may actually be.

Oh that sounds like a fun position to be in, and I've been there too. To get out of that I just explained I didn't feel the same way and that I valued them more as a friend. Grant you I knew these girls longer so there was truth to that statement. You might want to stay away from using the word "attracted" cause that might open up another can of worms. To be honest girls like her, "the fat girl" when a guys says "I'm not attracted to you" is code for "no fat chicks."

Three simple words "I am gay" it works!

@Sci-Fi: I guess I could say something like I just didn't feel that spark with you... However, that still feels like a lie. Plus saying that doesn't feel like something I could honesty say. I also feel it might give her some false hope.

@Limlim: Sorry but I don't want to lie.

Just say you're not interested, its really all you can do without sounding corny. You're not obligated to want to date her.

Limlim said:

Just say you're not interested, its really all you can do without sounding corny. You're not obligated to want to date her.

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Amen.

IgnoredOne said:

Limlim said:

Just say you're not interested, its really all you can do without sounding corny. You're not obligated to want to date her.

Click to expand...

Amen.

Click to expand...

Hallelujah?


Do what Limlim suggested.

True, I know I am not obligated.... I just worry about getting my friend caught up in an unpleasant situation since he has a larger social circle than I.

I don't see what the big deal is.

You've obviously shown disinterest. If she inquires further, you'll just have to gain some balls and say it to her face.

"I'm not interested in you."

It's that simple.

i went through a simular situation. I was a little bit vunerable at the time.
I was still on an a roller coaster ride after a break up.

I was hanging out with 2 chicks. one probably have 150+ on me.

I'm 5'7" around 135...she would seriously break me in more ways than one.

So i was just being friendly helping her fix her car and honeysuckle like that.
Sometime when we go out as a group I would keep up the tab...no big deal to me.
The friendzone kindda thing. She did one those moves on me...like dudes
playing the **** friendzone thing with chicks they like. She got kindda
manipulative about it too. Always hitting on me every chance she gets.
But it wasnt just her looks...I found her personality also distasteful.
She had a manly kindda man personality...

i went through that honeysuckle for like 3-4 month becuase I was closer the other
chick.
It got to the piont of me not hanging out with either one of them anymore.
yeah..i didnt want to put in that situation or felt uneasy if I just wanted to hang out.


Even to this day that stupid chick talks honeysuckle or say rumors about me...I hardly know
her to begin with.

She would even say honeysuckle to my ex-gf Jennifer.
Jennifer is the bomb...but Jennifer is totally kind and sweet too.

Even when Renae and I got back together she was talking honeysuckle.

AFrozenSoul said:

True, I know I am not obligated.... I just worry about getting my friend caught up in an unpleasant situation since he has a larger social circle than I.

Click to expand...

You want to avoid drama? Be blunt and honest. Anything else is more drama and really rather unpleasant.

Yeah in the end I am just going to have to man up. for once I am glad to be sick. I can avoid her for a couple days.

-_- After all, I have received the official Facebook hangout invite. I guess as long as I make sure to not be alone with her she won't get her hopes up.

Don't count on that...depends on how much of a mad on she has for you. I had a friend who I didn't want at a party we were having, but she was invited anyway. Even in front of all our friends she still insisted on bothering me. I told her so many times before that I wasn't interested in her other than being friends, which we were since second grade. She couldn't take no for an answer and thought that kissing me in front of our friends would change my mind. It didn't, things went bad after that. She ended up being ostracized from our circle.

Not trying to freak you out but don't count on being at a party keeping you safe. You'll have to be upfront with her and tell her that you aren't interested in a relationship with her. Hopefully she's not like my friend who couldn't take no for an answer. Some of these chicks can be hell bent crazy when they get fixated on a guy.

When I say invite, I mean she has offered up an opportunity to hangout some other time. Nothing official, just a "Hey want to get to know me when I am sober" invitation.