What did I say wrong?

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Tiina63

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Sometimes, being socially awkward, I say the wrong thing, or I say something which sounds different than how it is meant. But I said something today which someone objected to and I honestly can't see what was wrong with what I said or why she took it the way she did? I've been going to a support group at a local mental health centre once a week for a couple of years and this morning we were saying about how one of the younger members was going to college and moving on from the group and how good this is. I then said that I hoped we would all move on one day and one woman jumped down my throat at this and said it was an insult and that she saw all the group as friends and it felt like I was seeing it as a stop gap. I said that I had meant I was hoping we would all get better one day and build up new lives for ourselves. But she was still in a mood with me and kept on about it and it has left me feeling bad. I still can't see why she took it the way she did, and in the end I said to her that I wished I hadn't said anything. I have felt uncomfortable in the group for some months because of how this woman often speaks to people, and this has made me feel that I don't want to go any more. Am I overreacting?
 
Tiina63 said:
Sometimes, being socially awkward, I say the wrong thing, or I say something which sounds different than how it is meant. But I said something today which someone objected to and I honestly can't see what was wrong with what I said or why she took it the way she did? I've been going to a support group at a local mental health centre once a week for a couple of years and this morning we were saying about how one of the younger members was going to college and moving on from the group and how good this is. I then said that I hoped we would all move on one day and one woman jumped down my throat at this and said it was an insult and that she saw all the group as friends and it felt like I was seeing it as a stop gap. I said that I had meant I was hoping we would all get better one day and build up new lives for ourselves. But she was still in a mood with me and kept on about it and it has left me feeling bad. I still can't see why she took it the way she did, and in the end I said to her that I wished I hadn't said anything. I have felt uncomfortable in the group for some months because of how this woman often speaks to people, and this has made me feel that I don't want to go any more. Am I overreacting?
You aren't overreacting. You are in a group of people suffering with mental illness. It's not unusual to have some people completely flip out over something like that. I often mean one thing that comes out differently when I try to get it across to people. When you attend groups like this, you often have to be careful what you say and keep in mind that you are dealing with people who are sick. I suggest that from now on, that you think a little harder before you say something that might come across as offensive to others who take it the wrong way.

Don't quit attending your group. It's very therapeutic and beneficial to many.


 
First and formost...you have to remember....you're dealing with sick people.LOL

Maybe her insanity was kicking in, driving you insane?lol
 
Is there a group leader that you can talk to about this? The woman sounds like a bit of a bully and needs to be told to rein it in a bit. It shouldnt be everyone else watching what they say to keep her from flipping out, she needs to take on some responsibility too. Or maybe this is something that should be brought up in the next discussion with everyone?
 
I attend support groups myself.
Some people are sicker than others.

Theres many ways you can look at that or its still theraputic.

Its still helping you to build tolerance with other people. Maybe your leaarning not to internalize what everyone say.

Shes allow to express her opinions
or piont of view...but thats about all it is.

You dont have to let her hold you mentally and emotionally hostage.
Was that how you felt?

She was trying to tug at your GUILT?
Make a guilt journal...
Notice how people or you yourself
Use guilt to manipulate people.
Guilt is a trainned emotional respons.

Theres Traditions in support groups.
The traditions are based on EQUALITY.

The more you apply the traditions or expose yourself to it.
It will also help you on your self esteem.
NO big I or Little you.

Most support groups dosnt have any rules. You are free to come and go as you chose.

Once you apply or had expose yourself to thses things @ a group level.
You can apply these samething in your life as you get WELL or better.

Leader but are trusted servents. They cant tell anyone to do honeysuckle.
They dont govern or not allow to govern.

Its a learning and healing process.

Simple slogons such as.....
Dont let the ***** rent space in your head.
Live and let live.

Or the serenity prayer.
You cant change or control her.
You can change or control you.

Sometimes people get caught in the trap of service work.
An example of that is...an ex drinker volunteering to do lots of service work, attending meetings all the time.
(still in people pleasing, prasing seeking behaviors)
To the alki/addict family members...it's realitively the samething as going to happy hours every night.
Mommy/daddy/partners still are not home for their family or love ones.

Yes, helping others can get a person out of themselves.
However it still just another form of distractions or procatination of a person actaully working on themselves.
It's that samething a co-dependent person would do.. Try to fix the alcoholic and lose themselves in the process.

Support groups are design to help a person stand on thier own two feet... I belive you're well enough to recognize that.
While that woman is still in her dependency behaviors....in other words INSANITIES.lol
 
septicemia said:
Is there a group leader that you can talk to about this? The woman sounds like a bit of a bully and needs to be told to rein it in a bit.

I agree with that. It seems as though some people simply like to create conflicts/problems, out of things that are no big deal (but can be made into one). Of course it's not impossible that she actually was offended. But since what you said wasn't anything offending to say, that's her problem to solve, and not yours. So, I agree with the others - sounds like an over reaction from her part.

Just need to add, by the way, that I don't mean for it to sound patronizing with the rest of my comment, which I feel it almost always does when I try to give some thoughts and advices here :p. I know it's hard not to get affected by situations and people like that, since you're seemingly not giving much of a choice - you get pulled into a conflict like that from out of the blue. I think the best thing to do is simply to not respond to the provocations, and diplomatically end your own involvement in the whole thing as soon as it gets irrational. Decide for both of you where to put the bar, and show to the other that you simply wont get furter into the matter. I think you need to feel quite confident though, instantly in the situations, on your own judgement when to rightously feel quilty or not. Once having that, it's usually quite bullet proof - not much for the other to do, if there's no respons to it.

But of course, if the other still persists on arguing, that strategy gets quite hard to put to any use. It sort of depends on the other part having at least some sense of social smoothness.
 
Hi, thank you for your replies. Generally speaking I am careful about what I say to people as I hate to hurt anyone. I was shocked when she took what I said the way she did. I have felt uneasy around her for a long time, unable to be myself, as she does tend to be harsh towards people, not only me. I have been thinking recently that she does come across as being a bit of a bully. Sometimes when I have talked about something really personal which is bothering me she has been really dismissive and insensitive. And there is a man in the group with mild learning difficulties. Once he used the word 'paranoid' about himself and she snapped at him 'do you know what that means?' He got flustered and embarrassed as he didn't know and she told him not to use words he didn't understand.
 
Answer to above ^

Well, that doesn't sound lke a particularly nice thing to be doing in a group dealing with mental health :p. I think it's a little bit weird she's still there, if it's ben going on for a while. But perhaps it's just too small to be enough to kick her out, though enough to be problem. Sounds like no fun, anyway.
 
Shes just A type personality..

You can read up on people like her.
She actually has very poor self esteem.
Some term it as...supeority complex.
All that dose is cover her insecurities about herself..
So she thinks or makes herself smarter or better than everyone else...but her actions actually pushes people away from her...cuase she makes other people feel like honeysuckle about themselve...

Once you recognize ...this is all shes doing. You simply wont play victim to her insanities....

All you have to do is point out some of her flaws or be a little bit blunt to her...shell go into a featle position
or lash out at you again or get into blamshifting....
Or simply tell her to fresia OFF.

In any case your better off just focusing on your own well being than to worry about her problems..
 
It was HER problem, not yours. She over reacted and it sounds like she likes attention. She got it at your expense. You did nothing wrong.

LoneKiller said:
When you attend groups like this, you often have to be careful what you say and keep in mind that you are dealing with people who are sick. I suggest that from now on, that you think a little harder before you say something that might come across as offensive to others who take it the wrong way.

Don't quit attending your group. It's very therapeutic and beneficial to many.[/color]

I disagree with thinking hard about not offending people. While
I am totally for tact and being sensitive, some people are going to look for and here what they want. It doesn't matter what you say or how you say it, they will find something wrong.
 
A types personlities are dime a dozen in support groups such as AA..lmao

Can you imagine attending business meetings with a bunch of egotistic maniacs? :p

Its harilous honeysuckle..

The traditions in such support groups are designed to smash the living honeysuckle out of some peoples ego.lmao
 
Tiina63 said:
Hi, thank you for your replies. Generally speaking I am careful about what I say to people as I hate to hurt anyone. I was shocked when she took what I said the way she did. I have felt uneasy around her for a long time, unable to be myself, as she does tend to be harsh towards people, not only me. I have been thinking recently that she does come across as being a bit of a bully. Sometimes when I have talked about something really personal which is bothering me she has been really dismissive and insensitive. And there is a man in the group with mild learning difficulties. Once he used the word 'paranoid' about himself and she snapped at him 'do you know what that means?' He got flustered and embarrassed as he didn't know and she told him not to use words he didn't understand.
She sounds cruel and abusive. I have met that type before. It's about power and attention. That uneasiness you feel...that's your gut talking. To ask someone "Do you know what that means?" after they have used a word...(and to it infront of others....seriously insensitive) is implying he doesn't and is wrong. Like some "villiage idiot" he was scolded by someone who was superior to him. See, some people are skilled at hurting others. She sounds like a verbal snipper. I am very surprised no one has stood up to her. She will continue this behavior. With everyone being silent, she is in control. BTW, if you decide to stand up for yourself, be prepared. She will test you.
The sad thing is that probabley, some of these people came from abusive homes and relationships. To a certain degree, they get to live the experience again...only with a different face. Perhaps that explains the silence. One learns to be submissive as a way to survive. Does that makes sense?
 
I don't think that was overreacting. Some people just take things to heart way too much, and overreact to nearly everything. I ignore anyone who's like this, and perhaps giving them some time will allow them able to carry on with a conversation in a correct manner.
 
I've decided I can't face going to the group for a while and have found a different group. My stomach has been in knots over having to go back and face her and although I feel that maybe I am taking the coward's way out, at the same time I couldn't handle the stress. Thank you to everyone who replied.
 

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