Attached because of my loneliness?

For about a month now i've been chatting to a guy from work. A guy that normally i'd not give the time of day to as he is in a long-term relationship, 8yrs younger than me and most importantly, a work colleague. I strongly believe in not dating people with whom i work and for 5yrs i've managed to be successful in following this belief.
Of late, i have noticed that i really look forward to our chats, and believe he does too given he starts most of them. Ive also noticed that i seem to look for him whenever my heads not bogged down with work. I sometimes find when i look up that he's looking at me.
I've also started replaying our conversations in my head. looking for anything he's said that makes me think that perhaps he likes me. Perhaps he finds me as attractive as all the girls he tells me he would totally 'destroy' that we work with.
Over the last couple of days ive struggled to fight off my urges to think of us 'together' despite him not normally being the kind of guy id date and knowing he has a girlfriend. I dont think the matter has been helped with his telling me that last weekend he slept with someone. Although, i do half want to believe that this was a lie to see if he could make me jealous. The other half has me thinking that he obviously values my friendship to be comfortable enough to tell me something so personal and not because he's testing me.
I am just so confused. I really enjoy chatting to the guy as we have so much in common. I know that deep down i dont really have 'those' kind of feelings for him and want things to go no further than the friendship however i cannot stop constantly thinking of what we've discussed. i somehow feel that because im lonely, because its been so long since someone paid this kind of attention to me that im looking for more than what may really be there.
I keep reminding myself that a friend wouldnt tell me theyre curious about what i look like naked, they wouldnt make fun of the types of guys i like, they wouldnt ask me so many personal questions such as is my vagina tight and so on. But then i remind myself, and hope im right, that if he was interested in me then he wouldnt talk about how much he loves X's body, or Y's face and about the hotties he saw on the weekend or how much he loves his girlfriend. Even as i wrote those last few things i had thoughts of all the other things he's said that make me question his love for his girlfriend. urgh the conflicting thoughts and wanting there to be more to what he says are driving me insane.
I'm really torn. Does he honestly like me? Or have i obsessed about things so much that im the one making our chats into more than is really there? Does he see me as a challenge and is that all?
How do i stop trying to read more into what he says than is possibly there and go back to relishing in being in his friend?

The things he is talking to you about and asking you about......are really inappropriate. I wouldn't accept that from a coworker. I think you're obsessing. Technically he is unavailable anyway. I'm not sure it should matter what he honestly feels cause he's out of your league and in a bad way.

I don't know why he told you what he did, guys usually don't brag to other women about their conquests, only to their buddies, unless he sees you as one of the guys. Anyway, if he did do that, and he has a girlfriend, he's a dog. Your fantasies of "being together" may as well come to an end because it's unlikely he'd be unfaithful. All you'd do is wonder if he's cheating on you too.

Sounds like you are really reading too much into your chats and need to pull back. If you stop thinking of the two of you together then that will help in just relishing in being his friend.

Oh, and next time he tells you he slept with someone, tell him that he has a girlfriend and you really don't want to hear that. Maybe smack him too.

Your obsessed. A lot of poeple get caught in this situations...


Lonliness gets to the best of us


You can reserch or or read many literauture that will verify your intuition..

Ive gotten myself in this situation many times before...Married or unavaliable women will firlt with me. Some women will do that when thier relationship
is dull or stail
Ultimately its a very messy situation.
Most married women that dose that to me wont go beyound the firlting.
Never the less...they.re like emotional vampire.

Ive gotten myself involved with single women that I wouldnt had otherwise.

---

Loneliness dose put us in love stravation mode and in desperate situations.

I wish I can tell you how to stop obsessing.

Nothing wrong with wanting to be loved.
Maybe you just need to get out more.
Youre a woman...plenty of men will give attention . In the process youll find a partner thats more avaliable and in healty situation.. Less desperate.

I agree with Kat

when you say 'he's out of your league in a bad way' what do you mean?
are u referring to that he's too young, in a relationship or that he's a 'player'?

urbanite said:

when you say 'he's out of your league in a bad way' what do you mean?

Click to expand...

I'm not sure what Kat meant, but for me it seems quite obvious that you both are looking for different things. You're searching for someone close and reliable, and he's probably only flirting or looking for a romance. Either way, I'd expect you being hurt badly. I may be wrong though, but I do wish you all the best

Thanks guys.

I like to think im just looking for attention, im really not ready for a new relationship lol or whatever the hell is going on here. The thing is, ive been very much caught off guard by my reactions to this guys attention. Ive never 'obsessed' like this before and especially for someone that i more than know is all sorts of wrong for me.

Time for me to focus more on myself and friends/family and distract myself from him.

What I should have said was, you're out of his league. You're too good for someone that like. If someone spoke to me the way that he speaks to you, especially a coworker, I'd consider it completely inappropriate and I wouldn't consider that person dating material for me. That's based on my standards.

Thanks Kat