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ardour

Well known loser
Joined
Jul 26, 2011
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Location
New Zealand
I'm a gross/nasty looking guy due to the fact tha I was abused as a small child, causing retardation and the appearance of microcephaly. I look like a retarded goblin. Everything above my eyes is undeveloped and crushed in to a degree that isn't normal. The features resemble those of my father, who is a horrible pedophilic little man who's own parents were first cousins (which possibly explains what he is).
Common comments thrown at or about me are "freak", "retard", "he as no head" or more commonly from the ladies just "gross". I was also balding at 14 and went through hell at school. 32 now, no friends around, just one aquaintance at work I sometimes talk to in a break. The likelihood of finding real friends at this stage seems virtually nill. I've seen maybe 2 people in my lifetime with something similar, and would be willing to bet they also had a rough early childhood. So it's aggravating when I read comments from "ugly" people here who are just overweight or have mental issues.
 
people are always going to want what they don't have...no matter what theyve got. you know?
it is aggrevating but at the same time......you are complaining and are better off than not just someone but probably a large group of people.
Of course, you're only human so i guess you're allowed :p
I'm sorry you recieved such negative comments from other people...no one deserves that ..I don't get why people would say those things to you ...did they just like yell it at you?
 
Arcane said:
people are always going to want what they don't have...no matter what theyve got. you know?
it is aggrevating but at the same time......you are complaining and are better off than not just someone but probably a large group of people.
Of course, you're only human so i guess you're allowed :p
I'm sorry you recieved such negative comments from other people...no one deserves that ..I don't get why people would say those things to you ...did they just like yell it at you?

You're right in that we live in the First World with clean water and enough to eat etc... and there would be elderly people out there with no-one who are more isolated than me. Fair enough comment.
People say it to their friends when I'm within earshot.
 
In life people say nasty things to one another all the time. Hence, as what many wise teachers have said in the past, Life is a test. A test of self-mastery.

Truly we can be our best friend .... and also our worst enemy.

A very well known motivator Dr. Wayne Dyer has said ....

"What people do is their karma, how we react is our own".

Wishing you love and light to see the beauty within yourself. I feel that that the most relevant resource you might need to draw within is Courage. And I do not doubt that you possess such strength. Your writing in this forum already attests to that.

Have a peaceful day, dear one.









 
JayW said:
Truly we can be our best friend .... and also our worst enemy.

A very well known motivator Dr. Wayne Dyer has said ....

"What people do is their karma, how we react is our own".

So so so true.
 
There are people out there that don't care one bit what you look like!....and trust me, those awful people who make disgusting comments about you, they aren't worth bothering about and their own self esteem is so low that they need to make 'fun' at someone else before someone does the same to them

 
rdor said:
(...) So it's aggravating when I read comments from "ugly" people here who are just overweight or have mental issues.

I totally get your feelings; when other people complain about problems (real or just imaginary) that seems minimal compared to your own, you pretty much want to spraytan them with a paintball gun. I remember listening to classmates in the girls' locker room at high school, pinching their tight belly skin and complain "god, I'm soooo fat!" (having perfectly normal, ideal weight) - for someone with a real weight problem, I found that very offensive.

Having said that, everyone has their own problems. They might be bigger or smaller compared to others, but they'll always be there, and being annoyed at people for stressing over them won't do anyone any good. For you, being overweight or having mental issues is "just", but for those of us who have to deal with this every day, they're problems and issues that needs an outlet. I may not have been called a freak, but I have heard classmates say "If I looked like that, I would hang myself" about me, and that was no picnic either.

For your two specific examples, being overweight and/or having mental issues goes far beyond simply "being ugly". It poses health threaths on so many levels, I don't even know where to begin (so I just won't).

I'd like to finish with a quote from one of my favorite TV shows, one that I've remembered for the past 10 years:

"What makes your problems bigger than everybody else's?"
"They're mine."

 
I was surprised that you said you were mentally retarded, because that post does not seem like it would have been posted by someone with lower than average intelligence. And I'm not talking spelling or grammar errors, because there were a few spelling errors, but it's mostly how you expressed yourself. Are you falling to the accusations of your peers and labeling yourself as mentally retarded just because you've heard it so many times that you now believe it, or have doctors diagnosed it? My point is, you should not be so hard on yourself. We all have issues, no matter how big or small they look to ourselves or others, they hurt. But, as it was mentioned before, life is a test. It's hard, and you've got to push though it.
I've always believed that people have the issues that are the hardest for them to deal with. They may be able to look at the issues of others and say "oh, that's not that bad" but they don't really know how hard it is for that person. But we always feel our own problems are the most difficult, simply because we are experiencing them. There's no way to know how others feel. Just because you think someone isn't as ugly as they say they are you don't know why they feel that way. Maybe they've been ridiculed and tormented just as you have, and therefore, they have the same issues with their appearance.
I wish you luck with learning to love yourself and others more.
 
fresia everyone who says something bad about you. The past is past, don't dwell on that.

Love yourself for who you are.
 
So I was born without a jaw. Some people say otocephaly, aplasia of the mandible, 1st and 2nd brachial arch syndrome...

I dunno so many names.

Microcephaly means...small head? Or cranium?





rdor said:
I'm a gross/nasty looking guy due to the fact tha I was abused as a small child, causing retardation and the appearance of microcephaly. I look like a retarded goblin. Everything above my eyes is undeveloped and crushed in to a degree that isn't normal. The features resemble those of my father, who is a horrible pedophilic little man who's own parents were first cousins (which possibly explains what he is).
Common comments thrown at or about me are "freak", "retard", "he as no head" or more commonly from the ladies just "gross". I was also balding at 14 and went through hell at school. 32 now, no friends around, just one aquaintance at work I sometimes talk to in a break. The likelihood of finding real friends at this stage seems virtually nill. I've seen maybe 2 people in my lifetime with something similar, and would be willing to bet they also had a rough early childhood. So it's aggravating when I read comments from "ugly" people here who are just overweight or have mental issues.

I have a question, do you have any friends or does your social life come hard for you?



Lol okay rdor you had me running off to google looking up microcephaly. I actually thought. Said otocephaly, which is on of the names for what I have, but you have microcephaly...

Lol, *hugs him*
 
Equinox said:
For you, being overweight or having mental issues is "just", but for those of us who have to deal with this every day, they're problems and issues that needs an outlet. I may not have been called a freak, but I have heard classmates say "If I looked like that, I would hang myself" about me, and that was no picnic either.

For your two specific examples, being overweight and/or having mental issues goes far beyond simply "being ugly". It poses health threaths on so many levels, I don't even know where to begin (so I just won't).

I'm might get yelled down for saying it, but you can lose weight. And you're still young. Nobody deserves those kind of insults, but someone who has a serious weight issue, cares about it, and wants to fly under the radar of those cruel types of people has that option, however long the process might be. Hope is there for the overweight - so yeah it is annoying - sorry if that's dismissive.
 
I don't think you sound dismissive...I think it's horrible to be overweight and complain about it as if it's something horrible that can't ever be dealt with. It is tough and it IS hard to lose weight. I was overweight a lot of my life but I did something about it.....it wasn't easy and I did complain like any human...but I think you're right.....if it's so rough lose the weight. There's no excuse that is good enough.
 
SkuzzieMuff said:
I was surprised that you said you were mentally retarded, because that post does not seem like it would have been posted by someone with lower than average intelligence. And I'm not talking spelling or grammar errors, because there were a few spelling errors, but it's mostly how you expressed yourself. Are you falling to the accusations of your peers and labeling yourself as mentally retarded just because you've heard it so many times that you now believe it, or have doctors diagnosed it?

I've heard it, yes, but only a couple of times to my face. Not diagnosed - I might never get a driver's license if it were. I suspect a mild learning disability ; I could not tell the time on a clock face until about 10 years old, hopeless at math in school, and I struggle to communicate when speaking. Your cranium gives proportion to your face and features. Basically take a normal head, knock an inch off the height, 1 1/2 inches from the back, and force your temples in by another inch. Good looking huh? Add in rather unattractive features to begin with and you've got one gross-looking man. Sorry to moan...
 
:rolleyes: No man is particularly attractive. Women are the ones who are visually appealing. One bit of advice I got from another forum said. If you are balding then go bald or regenerate your hair.

Most of what you described sounds like you are focused heavily on your head. So why not dress up the rest of your body nicely? If you look like you are well-groomed then people will be more attracted to you. Make sure you are socially agile as well. If you give off a certain level of charisma then most people will over look your appearance.
 
AFrozenSoul said:
:rolleyes: No man is particularly attractive. Women are the ones who are visually appealing.

Really? No man is particularly attractive?

You must be really really really straight. :p

 
rdor said:
I'm might get yelled down for saying it, but you can lose weight. And you're still young. Nobody deserves those kind of insults, but someone who has a serious weight issue, cares about it, and wants to fly under the radar of those cruel types of people has that option, however long the process might be. Hope is there for the overweight - so yeah it is annoying - sorry if that's dismissive.

So, your opinion is that people are only allowed to complain about problems that they can't do anything about? The severity of the problem is irrelevant, as long as something can, in theory, be done with it? Sorry dude, but that will include just about 90% of all problems in the world, and if you're gonna go around and be annoyed at all these, you'll soon drop dead from exhaustion.

And yes, a person could lose weight. Not everyone manages to actually do it, though - do you think all overweight people in this world are that size because they enjoy it? It's hard to say why some people can do it and others can't. Willpower? Support? Guidance? Knowledge? Mental issues? All of the above? There are, however, no doubt that some people have more "resources" available to them, enabling them to complete the hard work it takes to lose weight, while others simply don't, and thus fail, often repeatedly. (These lucky bastards can also add "failing at something that is really important" to their list of things that makes them feel utterly and completely worthless. Hooray!)

Regarding men not being physically attractive: That depends ENTIRELY on who's looking, and anyone who tries to claim that their opinion on this is some kind of universal truth, will only get a big LOL from me. I find several men physically attractive, and I've also seen many men on magazines. Myth: Busted.
 
Equinox said:
So, your opinion is that people are only allowed to complain about problems that they can't do anything about? The severity of the problem is irrelevant, as long as something can, in theory, be done with it? Sorry dude, but that will include just about 90% of all problems in the world, and if you're gonna go around and be annoyed at all these, you'll soon drop dead from exhaustion.

And yes, a person could lose weight. Not everyone manages to actually do it, though - do you think all overweight people in this world are that size because they enjoy it? It's hard to say why some people can do it and others can't. Willpower? Support? Guidance? Knowledge? Mental issues? All of the above? There are, however, no doubt that some people have more "resources" available to them, enabling them to complete the hard work it takes to lose weight, while others simply don't, and thus fail, often repeatedly. (These lucky bastards can also add "failing at something that is really important" to their list of things that makes them feel utterly and completely worthless. Hooray!)

Regarding men not being physically attractive: That depends ENTIRELY on who's looking, and anyone who tries to claim that their opinion on this is some kind of universal truth, will only get a big LOL from me. I find several men physically attractive, and I've also seen many men on magazines. Myth: Busted.

Remove 2 inches from the circumference and height of those men's skulls and you would not find them the least bit attractive. You would assume retardation and hence not be interested in any conversation with them either. Sure it must be difficult once someone is seriously obese and emotionally dependent on food. But if it's not at that stage then how much in the way of help is absolutely needed? There must be time to exercise outside of work, and healthier lower carb food is available. As for willpower.. forgive this lack of first-hand knowledge- but if life sucks because of your weight, isn't that motivation? Okay, now I sound like a prick...
 
Rdor, Equinox, I don't usually say this to people, but I think that the two of you should take this dissolution elsewhere. Perhaps to the messenger?
And, no, its not because what your saying is inappropriate. Far from it actually. I enjoyed reading it. I don't fully agree with your take on the matters, Equinox, because I think that according to what Rdor says, you cant compare being overweight to what he has. I think he`s had a pretty raw deal and to be honest, even if he would blatantly state out that he think`s that his problems are worse than anyone else here on this site, I would totally agree with him. I have yet to see someone here which has it worse. Even my own mental disabilities and complications, which are quite considerable btw, don't even come close to what he is describing. True. I also think that Rdor is a tad overly opinionated and resentful. But than again. Who can blame him? hell. If I were him, I probably wouldn't be any different. In fact, I would probably be a lot worse.

Look, my point is... i`m not the nicest person in the world and I am WAY too lazy to get into an academic and ideological discussion with both of you. Those years have passed. thank god. After this you wont hear another peeps from me. However, I do think that, despite what it may seem here, the two of you should defiantly take this conversation elsewhere, and try to get to know each other better. I think that the two of you can become friends and get along quite nicely. That`s all. Wow. I am SO gonna be hated for saying this lol... its okay. At least I was honest. Worse case ill be banned from this site, or get warned, or whatever.
 
rdor said:
I'm a gross/nasty looking guy due to the fact tha I was abused as a small child, causing retardation and the appearance of microcephaly. I look like a retarded goblin. Everything above my eyes is undeveloped and crushed in to a degree that isn't normal. The features resemble those of my father, who is a horrible pedophilic little man who's own parents were first cousins (which possibly explains what he is).
Common comments thrown at or about me are "freak", "retard", "he as no head" or more commonly from the ladies just "gross". I was also balding at 14 and went through hell at school. 32 now, no friends around, just one aquaintance at work I sometimes talk to in a break. The likelihood of finding real friends at this stage seems virtually nill. I've seen maybe 2 people in my lifetime with something similar, and would be willing to bet they also had a rough early childhood. So it's aggravating when I read comments from "ugly" people here who are just overweight or have mental issues.

I am so sorry you've had to go through that, that is terrible. To be brutally honest with you...there are many things I hate about myself...and what makes it so much worse for me is that I realize I am acting selfish, and I consider myself 100% selfless...well, apparently not.
I feel selfish for saying terrible things about myself, about hating my looks and putting myself down....when I know there is someone (there are many) people out there that have had it far worse than I have, that are in more pain than I am and ever will be...it's so sad to think about, I could never imagine what you went through, ever.

My only advice is that you try to focus on the positive aspects of your life and not the negatives of the past...people will always judge, it doesn't matter. What matters is that you are the higher person, you may have struggled in life but you're getting through it. It's difficult, but at least you're trying...and thats a positive :)

Forget about what anyone else says...its not about them and it never will be. Be proud of the fact that you have pushed on through tough times, and keep telling yourself you will.
 

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