relationship

I'm having trouble starting a relationship with girls. it seems that everytime i found some girl that i like, everything runs smoothly, then i can only become her friend, nothing more. god i never had a girlfriend, it kills me slowly inside. i deserve love. i cant stand seeing my ******* friends get girls by saying whatever the fresia. im not like that. i have a full-time job i dont meet many girls. am 20 cant go to bars im seriously the loneliest guy on earth. i long for a deeper connection, is that something wrong? should i start being like my friends and just say whatever to get what i want? i hate this world good guys always lose

Join the "nice guys finish last" club. The hardest part is that even if we try to be jerks we can't pull it off the way jerks do. It's like they have some kind of magnetic field that draws girls toward them. Someone once suggested talking to a counselor about this and I thought this could be a good idea. I would suggest either a) learning how to dance or b) learning how to play an instrument. What I've learned is that girls dig guys who have some kind of talent. This could be in sports, music, the arts, anything...don't be afraid to show off because the whole world is. It's all about confidence and if you can prove that you're the honeysuckle in your music or whatever getting the girls will be easier. My old roommate got so many chicks just by playing the guitar on a bench downtown and he isn't even that good. And that way you can sort of screen the shady girls who are only into bad guys.

I think that you need to be yourself. This sounds like horrible advice, because why would a girl like me if she saw who I truly was, right? But think about it for a minute. If you're a girl and you see the guy acting like something he's not, you'd be turned off. You gotta first be completely confident with who you are and project that as if she'd be LUCKY to date you. If the girl says no, she's doing you a favor by not wasting your time.

I have also tried teaming up with guys who can be my wingmen. This has had some success.

Yup, music and art and dancing and sports and stuff like that is deffs a good thing.
And this is not just a speculation because I am a girl and know what we tend to like. Of course, everyone is different.

yea i know that sux. they lie n get what you would like to have but can't bcus you are a good person. life is dumb that way. But i don't know how it is for other girls.. 4 me a nice guy is so completely rare though. to find a guy who could just settle in a relationship, not have long eyes, or cheat.. is not the easiest thing in the world.

and because of that there should be lots of girls out there who will appreiciate you simply for the fact that you haven't broken hearts before and are not someone who goes from girl to girl.(not that i'm hating on anyone who has gone from girl to girl simply bcus it didnt work out)

but at least you are able to make friends with the girls you like...
umm LonLos that's a good idea.. there should be a 'nice guys finish last' site.. so that you'll could make friends with each other and girls can go to a site and get to talk to nice guys..

i mean maybe some bad guys would get mixed up in there .. but maybe not..
that wod be so kool...
anyway back to you.. atl east you can make friends with them, keep making friends.. be a good friend..

being single is just as much a gift as being in a relationship is. and someone once told me one of the most important decisions that you will make in your life is who you get into a relationship with (spouse -wise)... so get to know lots of females b4 you settle... keep being a good person.

think of it this way.. at least you get the smartest girls of them all..lol they are smart enough not to end-up with jerks!
and also my brother always says 'everyone gets married' .. n he is sort of right.. not everyone gets married.. but even though you mightn't think that you'll ever find anyone now.. everyone finds someone at some point.

it doesnt always last long for everyone.. but EVERYONE find someone at some point.

SighX99 said:

I'm having trouble starting a relationship with girls. it seems that everytime i found some girl that i like, everything runs smoothly, then i can only become her friend, nothing more. god i never had a girlfriend, it kills me slowly inside. i deserve love. i cant stand seeing my ******* friends get girls by saying whatever the fresia. im not like that. i have a full-time job i dont meet many girls. am 20 cant go to bars im seriously the loneliest guy on earth. i long for a deeper connection, is that something wrong? should i start being like my friends and just say whatever to get what i want? i hate this world good guys always lose

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I've pondered this question myself..."Should I be more of an ass to women?" I just can't bring myself to do it. There may be girls out there that dig jerks that treat them rudely but there are intelligent women out there as well that appreciate being respected (i've met some of them, I know they exist).

You don't need to be a jerk to be a real man, but jerks are closer to real men then nice guys. it's not a case of you have it or you don't ,it's a skill.

Firstly, start off by not giving your personal power away make them earn it, keep your lifestyle busy, enjoy saying NO to women, be a man. in the animal kingdom the alpha male mates with 90% of the females of the group, don't identify with being a nice guy or by being a jerk, both have bad limitations.
do some research on Alpha males.

I met this guy once, very interesting person and he said to me " Act like a dick and you get pussy, act like a pussy and you get the babies!"" Rofl.

^^that is fairly crude but unfortunately fairly true.^^
I don't like guys who are jerks to me at all! I don't want to deal with guys like that, they suck.

SighX99 said:

should i start being like my friends and just say whatever to get what i want?

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And would that work even if you tried to?

JustLost said:

I've pondered this question myself..."Should I be more of an ass to women?" I just can't bring myself to do it. There may be girls out there that dig jerks that treat them rudely but there are intelligent women out there as well that appreciate being respected (i've met some of them, I know they exist).

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I don't think it's about being an ass. Those guys aren't being "jerks" because that attracts women. They are being jerks because:
1. it's their personality
2. they can act like that, and still attract women
because... besides being "jerks", they have "something else". That's what women notice about them.

Also, I don't think it's a question of "jerk" and "nice". It's more a question of "extravert, brash, confident" vs "introvert, timid, low self esteem".

I suppose introversion is what repels women. Extraversion alone won't attract them, but at least it won't keep you in a cage.

jales said:

everyone finds someone at some point

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... as long as they have an extravert personality. -_-

*sings 'WHY CAN'T WE BE FRIENDS WHY CANT WE BE FRIENDSSSS~~' *
iunno, nice guys are nice to everyone, so women dont feel they are special << some theory i heard.
oh yea mimizu someone thought i am you on msn iunno why >.>... lol

Who was that? ##_#

if i say it something bad would happen? o.o...
*starts feeling guilty*

Probably not.

Qui said:

^^that is fairly crude but unfortunately fairly true.^^
I don't like guys who are jerks to me at all! I don't want to deal with guys like that, they suck.

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I don't think any girl as ever said that she likes jerks. But they always fall for the guys who they say end up being jerks.

If you're a guy, the point is to not be a wuss. Some women are just attracted to alpha males. If you're not an alpha male, it's extremely difficult to get over that hurdle.

lonelyloser said:

I don't think any girl as ever said that she likes jerks. But they always fall for the guys who they say end up being jerks.

If you're a guy, the point is to not be a wuss. Some women are just attracted to alpha males. If you're not an alpha male, it's extremely difficult to get over that hurdle.

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It is entirely possible to be an interesting guy and not be a prick as well. It's just that I hardly ever see it happen around here.

I'm constantly listening to women who fall in love with obnoxious men. Fast forward three or four months later and they're bitching about why they can't find a nice guy. Meanwhile I'm waving a big sign that says "right here" with an arrow pointing down. They still don't get it....and neither do I!

What they want is different from what they go for. You should ask one of those women, would you ever go for a guy who's never had a girlfriend and is a virgin? See what they say.

A huge problem for the nice guys is that they don't have much experience with women and their social awkwardness. Nice guys need to find a way to go to parties more and socialize before they try to talk to women. They need to have something more to offer than "I'm desperate, please go out with me". I don't blame women for rejecting a "nice guy" with low social skills. Women are looking for a guy who is confident socially and can give them excitement. The thing is this type of guy usually gets a lot of attention and feels that he can treat his gf in any way and just get away with it.

Do you have an introverted personality?

Absolutely, I feel like I have nothing to talk about and I'm not interesting enough.

I think nice guys like us need to not care as much about the outcome. If you get giddy and start praising the girl she's gonna see right through that. If you buy her gifts and stuff she sees that as manipulation and gets pissed off. Girls don't think that if a guy takes me out to dinner I should give him some. They don't think that way at all. If you act like you don't care, like you already have a ton of friends and she's just one of them, then you're more likely to get some. It's all an act.