The Game of the Mind.

Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum

Help Support Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum:

This site may earn a commission from merchant affiliate links, including eBay, Amazon, and others.

TheUnknown

Active member
Joined
Nov 8, 2007
Messages
26
Reaction score
0
Hello everyone, this is my first post. I don't really know where to begin with my current issue but I guess I'll just start from the top...

Well, my entire life I've been alone. It's always been an issue but one I could live with. I always had friends but very rarely female ones. This year that seemed to change in that I acquired two female friends. I really wished that in my mind I could have kept that relationship at a friendship level but for one, I just couldn't do it. I met this one girl mainly because she was friends with just about all of my friends. Through talking, she asked me for my phone number so I could possibly get her in at my job because she took an interest in it. It was no big deal for about a week until she started to text me and then I just texted back. The texts went back and forth so much, i'm lucky I had unlimited texting. The relationship filled with small talk now evolved. By then I knew her for one month. Within a week we were having goofy conversations through text, serious and deep ones over instant message. Then after a week or so she wanted to hang out - so we did and by the end of the second month I was listed as one of her best friends. I realized I liked her and I ended up hinting as much as I could (even when I tried not too). I also realized that the ship of relationship might have already left the dock as I was "friended". So now I'm one of the best friends of someone I can't help but think about every second. We have barely nothing in common but for some reason we both remain extremely close because we can relate to each other, no matter how awkward it sounds. I'm a hopeless romantic and crave the love so much, my normal hurt has been amplified to levels that I can't even stand as my dreams are even now becoming invaded. I haven't considered suicide since I found God but this really hurts and I do what I can to make it stop. I try to believe that something will happen if i'm persistent but here is where the problems come in...

She has a boyfriend but because of things in his life - she really doesn't know how much longer they can be together. She even said that if they do break up she will be happy to be single again and even told me who she might consider if that didn't pan out! (If only she knew the pains of being single!) I feel like i'm delivering the support but her boyfriend is getting the payoff. She also used to be ultimately in love with one of our friends. When they used to date he was hard to read so she ended up leaving him, he is also one of my best friends at this point so when she talks about how much she used to love him - it kills me. I never want to feel jealousy towards a friend. She always does things that makes me follow her tracks but in the end I am the one getting my head run over. It's probably because my mind wants to tell me it's something more but in reality she is just an outgoing person. She is one of the first women to hug me but she doesn't realize just how much it means to me, she gives them out like candy though. The realization that I am nothing but a good friend destroys me. All of my life I have had internal warfare and it feels like the enemy has found a new way to breach my defenses with poison I can't help but crave. She usually gets all the love she needs from her friends considering that she is better friends with guys then girls - she almost takes it for granted and doesn't realize just how amazing it is. She has been hurt like me - but I found God and she told me how impressed she was by my drive and focus on what i want for my career. She knows that i've never been with anyone but tells me everything just as I can tell her, I don't want to ruin this friendship by blurting out my inner-most feelings. Whenever she is down, I do what I can to pep her back up and try to tell her to reach her dreams because she has the potential to go above and beyond a life of mediocrity but she hasn't seen the light of that until this past week. This all brings us to the current week. This Tuesday was the last time I saw her and she said I seemed really down, and I was.

We end up talking everyday if not in person, over text or phone. I've decided though, maybe I try to much and It's been two days since we've talked. She's attempted contact such as leaving me a voicemail - asking if I was mad at her and leaving me a myspace message because she seems lost since she hasn't talked to me in. I've pretty much broke contact with the world for this weekend. I don't want to go the whole weekend without making contact with her but at this point I don't know what to do. I had to just stop and think what I can do to make this go in the direction I want it too.

So... that's about it. This is where I need someone's help. Please, whoever reads this - leave a comment about this situation. I'm on my last leg and really don't know what to do or what's going on.. or even what's going through her mind. I don't even know if she caught onto my hopelessness and my sudden but almost constant depression and love/sad songs on my myspace. I've been writing stories, feelings, anything that I can and end up posting it on my myspace then rip it down because I forgot that she will end up reading that and might assume something. I'm sure she has read the things I put up and caught on. At first she even admitted to being addicted to hanging out with me but as of late, she seems to be distancing herself but still wanting to hang with me. I don't know what to do anymore! My life is going down the drain but hers is going great with her new job (not mine). Everything is falling apart while my friends are too busy with their girlfriends to notice... not to mention that my best friend is getting married. Everyone feels to tell the single guy how happy they are, or only come to me for advice. Apparently i'm not good enough to have someone? I only know one friend right now who is not single, and I know quite a bunch of people.

Sorry to bog you all down with this, i am just so blown away by this situation everything has become distorted. It's probably all in my head. I might not be on right away to respond for a day or so but please keep commenting as much as you can - I can use all the help I can get right now. I'm going to go try and relax. Thank you guys.
 
TheUnknown said:
Hello everyone, this is my first post. I don't really know where to begin with my current issue but I guess I'll just start from the top...

Well, my entire life I've been alone. It's always been an issue but one I could live with. I always had friends but very rarely female ones. This year that seemed to change in that I acquired two female friends. I really wished that in my mind I could have kept that relationship at a friendship level but for one, I just couldn't do it. I met this one girl mainly because she was friends with just about all of my friends. Through talking, she asked me for my phone number so I could possibly get her in at my job because she took an interest in it. It was no big deal for about a week until she started to text me and then I just texted back. The texts went back and forth so much, i'm lucky I had unlimited texting. The relationship filled with small talk now evolved. By then I knew her for one month. Within a week we were having goofy conversations through text, serious and deep ones over instant message. Then after a week or so she wanted to hang out - so we did and by the end of the second month I was listed as one of her best friends. I realized I liked her and I ended up hinting as much as I could (even when I tried not too). I also realized that the ship of relationship might have already left the dock as I was "friended". So now I'm one of the best friends of someone I can't help but think about every second. We have barely nothing in common but for some reason we both remain extremely close because we can relate to each other, no matter how awkward it sounds. I'm a hopeless romantic and crave the love so much, my normal hurt has been amplified to levels that I can't even stand as my dreams are even now becoming invaded. I haven't considered suicide since I found God but this really hurts and I do what I can to make it stop. I try to believe that something will happen if i'm persistent but here is where the problems come in...

She has a boyfriend but because of things in his life - she really doesn't know how much longer they can be together. She even said that if they do break up she will be happy to be single again and even told me who she might consider if that didn't pan out! (If only she knew the pains of being single!) I feel like i'm delivering the support but her boyfriend is getting the payoff. She also used to be ultimately in love with one of our friends. When they used to date he was hard to read so she ended up leaving him, he is also one of my best friends at this point so when she talks about how much she used to love him - it kills me. I never want to feel jealousy towards a friend. She always does things that makes me follow her tracks but in the end I am the one getting my head run over. It's probably because my mind wants to tell me it's something more but in reality she is just an outgoing person. She is one of the first women to hug me but she doesn't realize just how much it means to me, she gives them out like candy though. The realization that I am nothing but a good friend destroys me. All of my life I have had internal warfare and it feels like the enemy has found a new way to breach my defenses with poison I can't help but crave. She usually gets all the love she needs from her friends considering that she is better friends with guys then girls - she almost takes it for granted and doesn't realize just how amazing it is. She has been hurt like me - but I found God and she told me how impressed she was by my drive and focus on what i want for my career. She knows that i've never been with anyone but tells me everything just as I can tell her, I don't want to ruin this friendship by blurting out my inner-most feelings. Whenever she is down, I do what I can to pep her back up and try to tell her to reach her dreams because she has the potential to go above and beyond a life of mediocrity but she hasn't seen the light of that until this past week. This all brings us to the current week. This Tuesday was the last time I saw her and she said I seemed really down, and I was.

We end up talking everyday if not in person, over text or phone. I've decided though, maybe I try to much and It's been two days since we've talked. She's attempted contact such as leaving me a voicemail - asking if I was mad at her and leaving me a myspace message because she seems lost since she hasn't talked to me in. I've pretty much broke contact with the world for this weekend. I don't want to go the whole weekend without making contact with her but at this point I don't know what to do. I had to just stop and think what I can do to make this go in the direction I want it too.

So... that's about it. This is where I need someone's help. Please, whoever reads this - leave a comment about this situation. I'm on my last leg and really don't know what to do or what's going on.. or even what's going through her mind. I don't even know if she caught onto my hopelessness and my sudden but almost constant depression and love/sad songs on my myspace. I've been writing stories, feelings, anything that I can and end up posting it on my myspace then rip it down because I forgot that she will end up reading that and might assume something. I'm sure she has read the things I put up and caught on. At first she even admitted to being addicted to hanging out with me but as of late, she seems to be distancing herself but still wanting to hang with me. I don't know what to do anymore! My life is going down the drain but hers is going great with her new job (not mine). Everything is falling apart while my friends are too busy with their girlfriends to notice... not to mention that my best friend is getting married. Everyone feels to tell the single guy how happy they are, or only come to me for advice. Apparently i'm not good enough to have someone? I only know one friend right now who is not single, and I know quite a bunch of people.

Sorry to bog you all down with this, i am just so blown away by this situation everything has become distorted. It's probably all in my head. I might not be on right away to respond for a day or so but please keep commenting as much as you can - I can use all the help I can get right now. I'm going to go try and relax. Thank you guys.



OK..now..this is going to sound almost cruel..and believe me ..I don't want it to. But you asked for opinions..and here's my two cents. First of all..like the old saying goes..'Faint heart never won fair maiden.' Before you can expect this relationship to go any further..you have to tell her how you feel. Nothing is going to change unless you take this step. But then..being female myself..I can almost bet that she already knows how you feel about her. And perhaps she's just waiting to see how long it's going to take you to express your feelings. I hate admitting this..but people..especially some types of women..like to play games with their admirers. I am not saying that she is. All I am saying is.. that depending on the level of maturity that you're dealing with..she may be just stringing you along. And you won't find that out until you take the big step. Now..I know it's not fair..having to pull your heart out of your chest..and hoping it doesn't get stepped on while you're doing it..but..that's pretty much how it is for everybody in love. It's all a gamble..with no guarentees. But that's life in general isn't it? So..if/when you do tell her..and if things don't work out..at least you will know for certain. And then you can work on healing yourself. And believe me..you're not the only one that's ever gone through this kind of thing. Not that it makes it any easier..but as I said..it is just life.
 
Why is it that whenever I tell a girl how I feel, I just get rejected? Does it have to be that a girl freaks out whenever a guy tells her how he feels, yet they love the "chase" and the "mystery" invovled when a guy acts like he's not interested? I would disagree Arianna. Guys cannot just put themselves out there anymore. Those days are long gone. It only works if you know the girl has the same feelings for you. But if you don't know, you can't take the chance. A big problem happens when a guy gets his hopes up, and it's very easy to get into the "friend" zone. From a guys point of view, I would suggest doing something to grab her attention, maybe even make her a tad bit jealous. She won't be interested if you're acting all depressed. Try to act like you either met another girl or have some other thing that you're excited about. No matter how much you like her, you CANNOT let her use you as a friend and mess with your head. No one has the right to do that. If a girl wants to be with you, that's great, but if she justs wants to be fickle and tease you...get over her and move on to the next one.

Hey buddy, I'm rooting for ya whatever you decide to do. And let me tell you something - girls are NOT worth killing yourself over. We love them, they make us feel good, etc. but if they are messing with our heads they don't deserve to get below our skin. You gotta always be in charge. If you want to date her, then you should say hey, I'm right here, take it or leave it. Don't say, I've always loved you, I want to hold you, etc...that's getting set up for heartbreak.
 
ive got 2 agree w/lonely here. dont put urself out there. i think theres a key in what u said about maybe all of this is in ur head. dont take that wrong. but i think alot of this looks so bad bcuz of how ur looking @ it all. & the place uve taken in it all
u want some1 u think u cant have
+
ur giving up all of ur power
=
misery

i also c something notifying in ur own words...
TheUnknown said:
We have barely nothing in common
if u get w/this girl. what is the relationship going 2 b like w/barely nothing in common? right u can rel8 2 each other. but how long is that going 2 b able 2 hold up the relationship?
i wouldnt suggest playing games though. but this silence/lack of communication uve instituted for the weekend is good imo
just b careful what u ask 4... u just might get it
 
hey Unknown im in the same boat as you, mine was maybe a lil more shitty sticky situation than yours, lots of people are in the same boat. friend-no-friend situation suuuuuuckssss. im a hopeless romantic, or a shy awkawrd person who cant get it. but i learn from my mistakes what doesnt kill you makes u stronger, but it fuckin suckkks to go through it, im with you.
 
Depressing. -----_---- I just want to meet a nice girl who doesn't care about playing those stupid games. Someone who just wants to be in love. What the hell is wrong with people. What's so fun about breaking someone's heart?
 
I understand what you're all saying. But..I think it's always best to get everything out in the open..to be honest about your feelings. Yes..you might get rejected..(happens to girls too you know). So.. what's the sense of torturing yourself over someone who is never going to give you a chance? I think finding out the truth is better than all this time wasted and agonizing..'will she?'...'will she not?' Because you're right..no girl - OR MAN - is worth killing yourself over. Not unless they love you back. And how will you ever find out the truth? By playing games? By hinting? Strategic manuevers..don't work well. I say..go for it. What could happen? You could get hurt? Sure..but at least that kind of hurt will help you get over her. False hopes that cause the hurt you're feeling now.. linger for years.

And the other big point is..what good is a relationship if it's not based on truth right from the start?
 
Hey guys, I just want to thank you for the responses no matter what advice you give, it's very important to me. I appreciate the different viewpoints and it's really helping me attempt to sort things out. Anyone who has yet to post in this thread, please feel free to make your opinion heard - it will be greatly appreciated. It's been 3 days now since I've made contact with her in any form. I just checked my myspace without logging in and apparently she is really worried - well hey, it's about time someone does the worrying other then me.

Anyway...
Thank you Arianna for giving a woman's point of view, lonelyloser for your EXTREMELY useful tips, NewBirth for making me realize all aspects of where this could end up, Sigh for understanding (don't worry man, we can beat situations like this. I'm here if you need me.), and Mimizu for speaking the truth! Haha.

Keep posting guys! Please? (^_^)
 
Does anyone else have anything to add? It's getting a bit harder for me to continue this weekend silence. A few more words of advice before I go headfirst into the storm?
 
I really wish people wouldn't play all of these games too. I find it totally unnecessary and such a waste of time. Why do people do this?
 
Maybe instead of saying how you feel, you can put her on the spot and be like "How do you feel about me?". Put her in a position where she has to give you some definite answers. Be forceful and take the power away from her.
 
lonelyloser said:
Maybe instead of saying how you feel, you can put her on the spot and be like "How do you feel about me?". Put her in a position where she has to give you some definite answers. Be forceful and take the power away from her.



I think this is about - 'love' - LL..not a power struggle. Love isn't about who has the power..that's something entirely different. Love is self sacrificing..love is vulnerable.. and yes..love leaves you open to hurt. But that's probably why love is so rare these days. It takes courage to walk up to someone and say, "I love you." But if you feel this way about someone..nothing else is going to work unless you tell the truth. Sorry..but all the rest.."if I do this..she might do that stuff".. is just a waste of time when it comes to the real deal.
 
I think Arianna came to us on a time machine from the XIX century.
In her time it would have been:

boy: "you are the love of my life"
girl: *gasps and faints*
(they kiss and proceed to get married)

Today it would be more like:

boy: "you are the love of my life"
girl: "wtf you weirdo"

: P
 
mimizu said:
I think Arianna came to us on a time machine from the XIX century.
In her time it would have been:

boy: "you are the love of my life"
girl: *gasps and faints*
(they kiss and proceed to get married)

Today it would be more like:

boy: "you are the love of my life"
girl: "wtf you weirdo"

: P

lol. as much as we hate the "game" and wonder why people play these games we still have to play the game. In this century, the girl would fall for the guy like this:

boy: (smacks girl in the face)
girl: I love you! Please don't leave me!
 
mimizu said:
I think Arianna came to us on a time machine from the XIX century.
In her time it would have been:

boy: "you are the love of my life"
girl: *gasps and faints*
(they kiss and proceed to get married)

Today it would be more like:

boy: "you are the love of my life"
girl: "wtf you weirdo"

: P

No..I am not from another time mimizu. Maybe I just deal with more direct people in my life.
 
Arianna said:
mimizu said:
I think Arianna came to us on a time machine from the XIX century.
In her time it would have been:

boy: "you are the love of my life"
girl: *gasps and faints*
(they kiss and proceed to get married)

Today it would be more like:

boy: "you are the love of my life"
girl: "wtf you weirdo"

: P

No..I am not from another time mimizu. Maybe I just deal with more direct people in my life.

And I guess I should have added that this direct approach isn't meant for strangers. Like I wouldn't expect a man that I didn't know to come up and say, "I love you." I am talking about people that have known each other for awhile - and obviously have some kind of feelings for each other.
 
hey man, I just went through a similar situation. The girl was amazing and I kept trying to be just friends. It tore me up, listening to her tell me about this guy or that guy.. The problem I had is I didn't have anything else going on and she was my HOUSEMATE!! She was so young and was the biggest game player. She strung me along until she moved away and then cast me aside. I was content before she came along but am not strong enough to deal with the aftermath of this. The problem is these girls have so much going on and we may have nothing except them... perfect recipe for obsession and disaster. They will get over it quick but you will be left with the emotions for some time. At least that is how it is turning out for me. I'm back on meds and no drive to do anything. I wish I hadn't got involved. I don't know how strong you are emotionally but do not give up everything in your life for her. Good guys seem to finish last ( or at least get used and hurt!!)
 
I guess you guys have two choices.

1. Take a chance
-or-
2. Stay alone


But that doesn't apply to just members of the male species. It applies to everyone living. I had two friends of mine die young. And this is entirely my own feelings and opinion.

If you find someone you love - don't waste time playing games. If they reject you - move on - life's too short. If they return the feelings - just think of all the time you would have wasted just 'wondering.' As I said..you have two choices in life..it's not fair but then who said life is?
 
lonelyloser said:
lol. as much as we hate the "game" and wonder why people play these games we still have to play the game. In this century, the girl would fall for the guy like this:

boy: (smacks girl in the face)
girl: I love you! Please don't leave me!
That made my day thanks. I haven't laughed that hard in a while lol
 
This girl comes across as a party girl/socially outgoing girl, they're just a lot of fun to be around, in fact all they are is fun. You can have a blast with these girls, they can put you on a high, make you smile etc. However the downside to these girls is that they have very little or no commitment, and not the best of memory and don't like relationships much. Which is a bummer for some guys, especially ones who are looking for a deep connection with a chick.

Now in terms of you, I think you are smitten to this girl, obviously, but listen, I think she loves it, she loves pouring out her problems to you, talking about other guys and honeysuckle, and having you giving her advice and stuff, having nice guys like you evolve around her makes her feel better, our validate her beauty if you like. This girl will drive you insane if you carry on like this.

With girls who you want a relationship/sex/flirt with, don't give them advice, reason being, it turns you into their best friend, and once you are their best friend, you are no longer seen as bf material. And lastly don't ever tell a girl your feelings, they key is to show her how you feel.

This girl...i think this girl is grooming you to be her future husband after she's had fun with lots of other guys.


hope everything works out for you and find a quality girl.
 

Latest posts

Back
Top