believeinsomeday06
Member
- Joined
- Oct 28, 2011
- Messages
- 7
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There’s this guy I’m starting to like, few days ago we were hanging out w/ other friends, he was trying to talk to me, making small conversations, trying to be near me, but I was pushing him away, I go to my other friends and avoid being near him. It’s because I myself is in a misery right now, I’m going thru tough times right now, I can’t seem to find myself, I’m feeling lost. It’s a problem that involves only myself and I’m not ready to open up to people that’s trying to knock on the door so I’m putting up walls. Then he said to me straightforwardly that he noticed I was pushing him away and I had nothing to say at that moment because I was caught off guard, I didn’t answer back. I just turned my face to other direction. But I wish I could say to him I do like him. I wish I told him that I am just in a miserable state right now and I need to fix myself first, I need to be okay and be whole first. I'm broken right now so how can I start something with anyone if I'm like this. But even if I say that to him, I don't know if he'll understand it. Then, since I wasn't talking to him, he went to my other friend and talked/hang out with her, I felt jealous and I worried he might like her rather than me. I feel bad as I know it's my fault, I was pushing him away, of course it's normal he'd just go talk to other people. But I had nothing to do because I'm not in the condition to open up to boys right now, I have a lot to deal with myself first. But I'm just sad that maybe, just maybe, if I was okay, if I'm not in this state right now, things could have been going good for us. I could maybe open up to him and let us get to know each other more. I don't know what he thinks of me too, maybe he was turned off by me because I was acting like that. He's good-looking and usually girls are the ones who go near him, but me, I was trying to be far away from him. He's used to girls surrounding him, but me, I was ignoring him. So yeah maybe he won't care a thing. I don't know. I keep thinking about him. I wanna hear his voice. **** I'm just so. I don't know, I'm sorry this is too long, I just need to let this all out. Thank you for those who'll take time to read.