Always the dumpee?

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kamya

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So, every relationship I've ever been in, I've been the one getting dumped. Anyone else deal with this? It always happens around the 4-5 month mark and it is always a blindside out of nowhere kind of thing. It's getting the the point where I feel like there is just something fundamental that I am missing here. As of now I've never had a long term 1yr+ relationship.

Also, just about every time it is because of some unavoidable circumstance that the other person knew was going to possibly be a problem beforehand. Or they just bring up things that I had no idea were problems because they don't communicate these things until right when they want to breakup. It's like they wait until they are bored to bring it up as an excuse and then bam its over. Everyone wants an easy ride, they don't want to work to make things work. Or, they don't want to work for me at least. Then again, they usually find some new guy and end up pulling the same honeysuckle on him so I dunno.

I'm also going to point out that all but one of these relationships weren't even initiated by myself. If you know beforehand that things are 99% not going to work out, or if you know beforehand that you aren't going to take things seriously, why lie about it and waste my time?

Stop dumping me damnit, its not good for the soul. :(

Anyone else deal with this?
 
I'm going to go on a quick limb and highly suggest that you try to initiate relationships in the future. Sort of on cue, I suspect that might actually have something to do with it all. It may simply be that by not taking steering of the journey in the beginning, you will not be as able to influence its course as it continues.

I actually had something like that myself, and that's what I've found helped.
 
Out of curiosity, do these relationships tend to start and end around the same time every year? There's definitely a seasonal influence to these things, and that might have something to do with it.

I agree with IgnoredOne, too - it sounds like you might be a little hands-off about things (just my impression from what you've said). Try being a little more directive with things and see how it goes.
 
Might be coincidence? Might be you, might be the girls, I don't know.

Seriously, I have no idea what to say lol. It might be that you aren't doing anything with them, and they get bored, I seriously don't know. They might be all bitches too, but I have no idea.

Maybe you could try to increase your confidence? If you think it isn't working out, then you dump her. :p
 
It's kind of hard to comment on this without knowing about everything in full detail, but I can say that in this day and age we seem to be developing a trend of people going into relationships without giving it their fullest. It just seems like people "just" start something, without any real motivation other than perhaps some simple infatuation, and when things get tough, or perhaps more often - boring, they just tend to give up and move on. It's been a while since I've seen two people actively trying to make a relationship work - most just seem to go along for the ride, and don't really care where it all ends up.

I'm sure there are still people out there who really want to make something work, but the entire mentality of "plenty of other fish" seems to be mostly prevalent these days. "Love" is a word this just flung around loosely, and even when somebody claims to actually "love you", they oftentimes don't reflect that in their behaviour, as loving somebody nowadays is apparently no longer an excuse for shattering the souls of their "signifigant" other.

That, and it may be an age thing. Life moves fast these days, everyone has somewhere to be, new people are always around the corner, and perhaps that's just reflected in relationships: As long as it's new, refreshing and exhilerating, people can enjoy it, but as soon as something may start to look as if it may be something that could be with them for longer than just a few months, it might frighten them. Perhaps with age they will realize how much a long-term relationship is worth. But that's just conjecture. Or perhaps wishful thinking.
 
I know how you feel I'm always the one who gets dumped too. Though not always out of the blue I must admit. It can really leave you wondering "whats wrong with me". I guess maybe something is even if its only crappy luck. You have my sympathises.
 
Thanks for the replies doods. It does leave you wondering "what's wrong with me". That's for sure. As for the boring thing, I could maybe see it but we usually spend a good amount of time together. It could be the not controlling the flow thing. I'm not really a pushover by any means but not initiating things might have something to do with it.

The problem AK5 is that everything usually seems fine to me. So I can't get the jump on the dumping =P. I would never dump someone just for the sake of not being dumped first though.
 
Not to sound harsh, but, could it possibly be because you don't do anything in your relationships? Do you go out and do things? You might feel good but the people you're dating might not feel as good; all about your perception.

I can be wrong, I can't help if I don't have enough info. :D
 
Yeah usually whoever I was with we would do things. Go out maybe once a week at least. Talking or meeting up daily and stuff. My confusion really just comes from no one ever saying anything is wrong until after everything is over.
 
I guessed it.

Girls like the alpha males, you gotta start being more proactive. :D

Ask them out more often, a relationship can't survive unless you feed it.

Fuel for the love fire. :p

Eh, that was awkward lol.
 
It could just be coincidence or it could also be the kind of girls you are rooting for. I am not saying that they are bad, but some people like long terms, some people are more easy throwing a possibly good relationship for the sake of new adventures. Now that may sound vague but if you are the kind of person who knows exactly what you want in a relationship and the things you do reflect that, the girls you don't share similar thoughts would easily feel your differences, therefore they break away out of a relationship.

That's one of the things I see in most relationships of my siblings or friends. But well, I haven't had a boyfriend. So what do I know? ^^

Anyway, I always think that everything that happens to us have purpose. It just depends how you look at them. Even the bad things we can gain extra knowledge from. Good luck on your future relationship. Don't stop moving :)
 
kamya said:
So, every relationship I've ever been in, I've been the one getting dumped. Anyone else deal with this? It always happens around the 4-5 month mark and it is always a blindside out of nowhere kind of thing. It's getting the the point where I feel like there is just something fundamental that I am missing here. As of now I've never had a long term 1yr+ relationship.

Also, just about every time it is because of some unavoidable circumstance that the other person knew was going to possibly be a problem beforehand. Or they just bring up things that I had no idea were problems because they don't communicate these things until right when they want to breakup. It's like they wait until they are bored to bring it up as an excuse and then bam its over. Everyone wants an easy ride, they don't want to work to make things work. Or, they don't want to work for me at least. Then again, they usually find some new guy and end up pulling the same honeysuckle on him so I dunno.

I'm also going to point out that all but one of these relationships weren't even initiated by myself. If you know beforehand that things are 99% not going to work out, or if you know beforehand that you aren't going to take things seriously, why lie about it and waste my time?

Stop dumping me damnit, its not good for the soul. :(

Anyone else deal with this?

It appears that you're simply settling for whatever female selects you. I would advise being more selective of women than this... in there likely lies the problem.
 
It only appears that way if you assume that I go for anything that is willing to come my way. I have my preferences and deal breakers just like everyone else. Have I tried initiating and been turned down? The few times I've tried usually end up that way yeah. Have I flat out refused sexual/dating offers? Sure. I see what you guys are saying though. I'll have to meditate about it. Thanks for your input so far everyone.

I know there could be any tons of reasons for this stuff. And I know you guys could be on to something here. I guess this just my bitching and moaning thread. It just sucks emotionally :/
 
Sometimes being dumped isn't the worst thing. When I look back at my life, I've got a feeling that I wasn't dumped too often only because there were not many people in my life to dump me.
 
I am constantly preemptively dumped. Every single relationship thing I've ever had sort of tentatively moves forward, then the girl either rejects me or, in the last case, just hooks up with another guy in the same room as me while pointedly ignoring me. Then all my goddamn friends get me drunk because they feel sorry for me. I ******* hate getting drunk. They treat me like a little kid. Linus got dumped, here drink this! fresia you. I don't want to get drunk, I want, as pathetic as it may sound, for someone to be attracted to me. Just once. It's not enough that "it will happen someday" anymore. I feel like if I finish my second year of university while still never having kissed anyone, having to deal with all my ******* friends and their casual bohemianism that I can't seem to emulate no matter how much I want to or try, I will go crazy. I'm already starting to develop sexual dysfunctions because of it, so that's great.
 
Ak5 said:
I guessed it.

Girls like the alpha males, you gotta start being more proactive. :D

Ask them out more often, a relationship can't survive unless you feed it.

Fuel for the love fire. :p

Eh, that was awkward lol.

I do not like alpha males and if one more person uses that word I will :club: them.
 

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