One partner or many friends?

Is it more important to have many friends than to have one really good friend (probably a boy/girlfriend or spouse)? How many close friends is right for you?

I've always been inclined towards just wanting one really special person with whom to share many and varied thoughts, feelings, and experiences. But over time I've often been told that it's good to be friends with many people. And I believe it. I wouldn't avoid trying to get to know someone now even if I know there's very little chance of us becoming a couple or becoming entwined. But then again, I am rather less interested if that chance is low.

Do most of your friends happen to be of one sex or the other, or is it a mixed group? Mine are skewed, mostly the opposite sex.

On this forum I'm hoping to meet someone with whom to discuss loneliness, relationships, and our personal experiences. But there is an alternative route of having the discussion publicly and with many people on the board. That way is less appealing to me - I would prefer the one-on-one. Does anyone else feel the same way?

Nevertheless, the many-on-many isn't bad.

Making friends in my adulthood has proven to be quite an unappealing process for me. In college, and prior to, stuff just happened. But now it's like applying for a job. Even when I think I "click" with someone, those closing steps either don't happen or don't work out at all.

But I agree, having friends is important. Even more important to someone like me is having yourself. Enjoying your own company, enjoying your own hobbies, and caring enough about and respecting yourself to not let people mistreat you.

My closer friends tend to be exes. But they're not that close. Then I guess the rest of my friends are friends because of proximity - like they go to the same classes or events or office as me or whatever. It's not obvious that we'd still be friends if the situation changed. I suppose those are the people you have to put a bit of effort in for if you want to keep them around.

I agree that only having the one person puts too much pressure on the relationship. But what if it was the one plus several acquaintances with whom to do stuff from time to time, but who don't really know you that well? Does there come a point when another really close relationship would be too much, or can you not get enough of them (maybe because each one is unique)?

i only have one close friend at a time and its usually my bf/gf....if its not someone im dating the usually find some reason to not be my friend....my last group of friends stopped talking to me and wont even tell me why

Arcane said:

i only have one close friend at a time and its usually my bf/gf....if its not someone im dating the usually find some reason to not be my friend....my last group of friends stopped talking to me and wont even tell me why

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Do you try hard to keep the non bf/gf friendships alive? Or just watch them wither?

I second everything what annik said (and will say). I could only add that even if you find a perfect partner, with time passing by, the relationship and expectations develop and change. You may still be the best friends to each other, but having someone else to talk, to vent and to get another perspective is priceless. I've been with my partner for 10 years. She's great and I don't regret any minute spent with her, but I know that by not having close friends around I'm somehow incomplete.

Regarding the second part of your question, I used to have a balanced mix of male and female friends. However, now, I find more in common with someone of opposite sex, males in long-term relationships and LGBT people. I can't easily explain why.

Anyway, we all are different

I'm glad you asked this question

xrchz said:

I agree that only having the one person puts too much pressure on the relationship. But what if it was the one plus several acquaintances with whom to do stuff from time to time, but who don't really know you that well? Does there come a point when another really close relationship would be too much, or can you not get enough of them (maybe because each one is unique)?

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I think you need friends as well as a partner. Not just people you know. It doesn't have to be loads but a small number of real friends. I've always had people around technically through my relationships. Be that parents, my sister, people online, ex but they don't replace friends or make the situations I mentioned better. Even though they might be people to see or talk to.

I think it's very important to have friends most of all in life. Even with a partner.

I prefer to have 1 close friend (relationship) & numerous acquaintances. I feel this works best for me. I believe you will find that different things work for different people. We are not all clones who can follow 1 set "rule" regarding what we each need in our lives.