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IgnoredOne

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I'm vaguely curious - how many men here have or had a vaguely close-knit group of male friends? I have more or less always seemed to have that, even when isolated at home with an online clique of writers, and I suppose, its always seemed to me that it is one of the most normal and normative aspects of a man's life.

For myself, I think the very definition of what it means to be a man is borrowed heavily from at least two sources: one's father and then, one's peers. There are certain traits associated with masculinity: stociness, competitiveness, forcefulness, and even the 'confidence' often spoken of here that get invested in one from relating to other men.

Ultimately, I think that a kind of almost clannish friendship among men is probably necessary for one's best mental health, and for a genuine definition of self.

Any thoughts?
 
i have a close knit group of male friends. its the one thing socially i find myself fortunate to have.

i wonder if my comfort with them is directly related to there gender or not. for the most part, i've known them since at least middle school, that lends itself to some comfort.
 
I have many male acquaintances... more males than females (likely because of my line of work). I couldn't say I consider this "close-knit" though.

Also, I've never looked to my father or my peers for a definition of manhood... if I did, I would have certainly failed as a man. Instead I look at what I consider right vs. wrong in all of my decisions.
 
I've always been surrounded by/included in a group of guys. You know, the type of thing where we rag on each other a lot... a lot of banter, calling each other gay and punching each other in the stomach or arm or balls for the fun of it. Sounds violent and harsh, but it's just typical male camaraderie, really. I've had this experience with sports teams, Boy Scouts, and just the general gang of dudes I sometimes hang with.

I think more guys would be able to find themselves in groups like that if they just admitted that when they first step into the group, it's going to be awkward and tough for a while... because they're the new guy.

Too many guys give up right from the start because they refuse to go through that tough time of being accepted.

But it's really not that hard. You just hafta show you can stick with it.
 
Clearly I'm not a man but I found your post very interesting. I only have a second hand view of this but most of the men I've know well have always had a mainly female friendship group. In fact as far as I could tell the last man I knew only seemed to have one male friend. I'm not sure why but I think I'd look more favorably on a guy who had a close group of man friends. Maybe this is a prejudice or jealousy I'm not sure.
 
Badjedidude said:
Too many guys give up right from the start because they refuse to go through that tough time of being accepted.

But it's really not that hard. You just hafta show you can stick with it.

Hehe. Being hazed is to be expected :p You get it to do it to the newbies later, after all.

Learning to stick through things which aren't pleasant at first, but quite rewarding does offer a lot of life lessons. Heck, realizing the value of asskickings is pretty **** educational. I just think that its ultimately quite healthy for men to have such a group, and to an extent, the personality lessons that it teaches us can be definitely recognized in the guys who have such.

Sprint> I don't think that men are 'close-knit' persay, though it depends. Most of my guy friends wouldn't bother to have a heart to heart or bother with what I'm emotionally feeling(or vice versa), but if someone hit me, their first question would be 'where do I go to break his head?' That's the closeness I'm fond of :)
 
IgnoredOne said:
Learning to stick through things which aren't pleasant at first, but quite rewarding does offer a lot of life lessons. Heck, realizing the value of asskickings is pretty **** educational. I just think that its ultimately quite healthy for men to have such a group, and to an extent, the personality lessons that it teaches us can be definitely recognized in the guys who have such.

Absolutely it's healthy for men to be a part of a group of men. :D There's nothing quite like the bond of a wolfpack. :p

IgnoredOne said:
I don't think that men are 'close-knit' persay, though it depends. Most of my guy friends wouldn't bother to have a heart to heart or bother with what I'm emotionally feeling(or vice versa), but if someone hit me, their first question would be 'where do I go to break his head?' That's the closeness I'm fond of

Emotional one-on-one heart-to-heart talks are what wives/girlfriends are for... or maybe a best friend. Your group of guys is your warrior pack; and what you described is absolutely correct. The type of support a male group like that gives each other is a physical support. You'll always know that your buddies have your back and you have theirs. :D

And that's part of why it's healthy for a man to be in a group like that. Every man wants to feel strong and feel like he's protecting someone... even if the someone that he's protecting is another strong man that protects him in return.
 
Ak5 said:
Tips for getting into one would be greatly appreciated.

There ARE no real tips. Just find a group of guys interested in something you're interested in. Maybe a card game. Maybe a video game. Maybe some sport. Whatever.

...and introduce yourself, and ask if you can hang out, or play with them. It's that simple.

Then just let the pranks and awkwardness roll off your shoulders. Have a fun time and banter with the guys... but take it slow, as you don't want to offend anyone right off the bat without knowing everyone's limits.

It takes time to become one of the group. But every guy can do it. EVERY guy. I know because I see it all the time in the kids I teach. Groups commonly accept people that you'd think are too antisocial to fit in anywhere, but they do become accepted eventually. A part of the group.

EVERY guy can have that.

You just hafta get out and find a group. ;)
 
Ak5 said:
Tips for getting into one would be greatly appreciated. :p

Honestly, if you associate a lot with guys, you should fall into one pretty fast or end up creating one. It doesn't take a lot - a single interest, cause or just meeting up for pizza and a beer every Friday is enough.

You play video games, I recall, and even something like a video game clan is a good example - especially if the members are local and meet up. Many of them know each other quite well after awhile, and it becomes almost natural to just keep hanging out if they can.

Including women in them tends to be a fatal pill, I notice. I've tried it before and the results were always disasterous. Don't do it. God don't do it. At best they /might/ not torpedo everything.
 
ive never really had a thing like that. i pretty much keep to myself. most people are more like acquaintences, they come and go.
 
I don't think it only applies to men, women too have close knit groups, hence, the powerpuff girls. (wary)
 
I have not any clear picture or any idea about this This is a great question for me and i will search for it on the internet hope i will get some good results.
 
I had a lot of male friends when I was little. Once I got into high school though I ended up having a lot of female friends, still do. The guys would pick on me because I wasn't a jock and was skinny and short.
 
Perhaps i`m wrong because my own point of view on this may be as a tad narrow minded, but... as a guy, well, I have found that fellow men make for better company than women. That is... in the long run. I know how it sounds and yeah maybe its even a little chauvinistic, but I think that only a guy can truly understand the mind and heart of another man. Regardless of the nature of the relationship itself, guys will open up alot faster and with less drama and BS, if they open up in front of another guy. It is in our nature to be competitive and dominant (even amongst friends), and therefore, we are less likely to become over emotional and fuss about things that would normally bother, lets say, a man`s wife or best female friend. All within the limits of reason, of course. For example, if a single guy wants to hook up with girls, he would do best in consulting about it with a fellow man. Why? because I think that guys understand guys better than women. We know what we want, both in the superficial and romantic extent of that. If your a guy and your best guy friend is looking for someone, you would know what he likes and you would probably also know what kinda person would "fit" him. This is not absolute of course, as there are exceptions. Always. But. generally, yeah, having male bonds is very important. And... if you ask me, those bonds can be much closer and they will most likely outlast most, if not all, of the female friendships that come along.

In any case, when it comes to women, I think about it this way... figuring out what women really want is beyond my capabilities of understanding, as firmly I believe that it is not constant. If you would ask me what I think women want, I would probably tell you "everything....". However, if you ask me what a guy wants, I can tell you that in two seconds flat. Besides. Women hate women. That singles out their objectiveness in many matters.
 
floffyschneeman said:
I don't think it only applies to men, women too have close knit groups, hence, the powerpuff girls. (wary)

lol

I have a close knit group, technically two. One with my old friends from highschool, one with my football friends.

 
Peter Lorre said:
floffyschneeman said:
I don't think it only applies to men, women too have close knit groups, hence, the powerpuff girls. (wary)

lol

I have a close knit group, technically two. One with my old friends from highschool, one with my football friends.

the sultans of swing? :p
 

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