Venting.

Hello. I'm new to this forum. I know I haven't introduced myself. I'm 21 years old. I'm female. I live in Canada. For the past 3 and a half years. I have been in a long-distance relationship with an American male. We've had a lot of ups and downs. Today, I'm pretty sure our relationship is over.

We're both pretty immature. He finally got his own apartment a couple days ago . I wasn't really too excited about it at first, but it was growing on me. I was mostly nervous, because I felt like he was advancing a lot quicker than I was and I can admit, I was a bit jealous.

When we first met, we were pretty much all each other had. We were both unemployed. I was 17 and he was 19. We both were pretty much loners. We'd spend a good 12+ hours talking to each other every single day. We became each others lives.

I don't really want to get into too much detail about our relationship. Like I said, we had our ups and downs. We were immature and we'd fight about the dumbest things, but we still made it through. At the very least, I can say that we helped each other grow up.

Up until last Christmas, we both didn't have jobs. We wanted to meet really badly, but we got so wrapped up in talking to each other everyday, that we didn't do anything we should have to help make meeting a reality. He got a full time job, starting making friends at work. I was nervous again, but I got used to it. I was just scared I was going to get "replaced", you know? That following February, I also got a full-time job, doing something I never thought I would. My job has helped me get out of my anti-social/social-anxiety state of mind. Money was flowing in for both of us. Our dream of finally meeting, after over 3 years of dating online, looked like it on it's way of becoming a reality. He had plans of getting his own place, so I would have a place to stay when I was ready to come down. Now that's finally happened, and we got into a stupid "fight" about how I wasn't super duper excited about him getting his first place. I hate change. It takes me some time to get used to it, and when I do, I realize things have changed for the better. That's what happened when I got my job. I was so scared of having to force myself to talk to people. I got over the fear, and now I realize that not all people are so bad. Not everyone is judging me and there actually is a lot of really kind people out there.

I already knew I wanted to spend my life with him. (I know. We've never met.) We talked about who would be willing to move where and we decided that it would be best if we both visited each other's countries, to get a feel of things. I would be more than willing to move where he is. Not just because I'm "so in luuuv, I'd do anything 2 b wif him. lul." But because of where he's from. People seem more friendly and even before I met him, I knew I wanted to visit the state he lives in. It wouldn't be that big of a deal to me, moving there because I don't really have a lot of friends, and I don't get along with my family very much. And I know I'd be accepted by him and everyone he knows.

During our fight today, I felt as though he was trying to say I was trying to control him. Like, I didn't want him to get his own place because I didn't want him to be successful or "better" than me, which isn't the case at all. I'm actually really, really happy for him. I'm so happy that he's "moving on up", that he's made friends, has a full-time job. Doesn't seem like such a big deal, seeing as he is 23 now. Might actually make him seem like a loser, because it took that long, or whatever. But I don't care. I'm happy he "got out". I'm happy he didn't have to suffer the way I did, with making friends and being so afraid of the world. I'm still not out on my own at 21, because I don't make that much money and I've plans to go to school. I still live at home so I can save my money and go. Which isn't too far off in the future. I'm so happy he's not afraid anymore the way I still am.

Still, I'm mad. I'm mad because he thinks I'm trying to ruin him or hold him back. It's so not true! I'm just one of those types that gets scared when things change. That doesn't mean I'm not willing to warm up to and get used to things. I'm mad because, from what I can tell, our relationship is over, over a misunderstanding. Which happened a lot during our relationships. I'm the type of person who gets really upset and frustrated when I am misunderstood, and it just makes it so much worse when it's someone I love and care for, so much, whose misunderstanding me. Just because we have disagreements or.... things aren't 100% perfect all the time, our relationship has to end over it? I hate it. I'm not some demon dragon-lady whose out to ruin and crush my boyfriend's goals and dreams. I'm still a scared stupid kid. I can admit that. I can understand if someone reads this and thinks I'm a idiot. I know I've got some work I need to do on myself, but I'm farther ahead then I was even 6 months ago. I have goals, I have dreams. I'm not who I really want to be yet.



He told me he'd "get in touch" with me after he's ready to talk. Cool. But now I'm blocked and deleted off his facebook. I don't know what that means. To me, this wasn't some stupid internet relationship that was bond to fail, or some puppy-love bull****. This was so real to me. I saw so much potential in what we had. I know, 3 years is a really long time to date someone without ever meeting. I know we messed around way too long and we should of grew up faster and realized what we needed to do to make us a reality. And we were almost there. Sooo close and now I'm so sure it's over, over something so stupid. This is something that drives me insane. I believe that every single relationship has the power to work if people put their pride aside and talk things through. That's something he never wanted to do. I was always the demon-lady, out to kill and destroy everything. Which, if we actually sat down and talked it out, like adults, he'd realize that wasn't the case at all. But of course, things get out of control, people get angry and say honeysuckle just to hurt others. Things seem way worse than they actually are.

I don't really know what drove me to post this. I've been poking around this site for awhile now. Kinda scared to post anything. I guess I'm hoping this will help others who are in a similar situation. Or maybe it'll help to see an outside view on the matter. This was a man I adored. We were extremely close and I considered him my best friend for the longest time. I just wish we could of done everything we wanted to do. I wish people wouldn't give up so easily on something that would of been so great.

After our little fight, I went outside and had a couple cigarettes. I came back and noticed I was removed off facebook and everything. It scared me. I was shaking the whole time I wrote this. He said he'd get in touch, but with removing and blocking me, it pretty much says "I don't want to talk to you again." I guess I'll know in a few days if that really is the case. I hope someone who can relate reads this. If you're in a long distance relationship, and if it's really important to you, please don't give up. People meet online all the time now and they make it through and they're so happy. I think it makes a relationship so more special that way. The waiting, finally meeting your love.. doing everything you can to make "us" a possibility...

Anyway. For those who've sat and read this all, thank you for listening.

Has he done this before with blocking you and whatnot? Yeah that's a pretty small reason for him to do that and it must be more than just that one misunderstanding it sounds like. I agree it probably would have been good to meet and get to know each other in person more because that is where it really matters. Sometimes online can be a little different, or we think the person is a certain way but in person they act completely different than what we thought. If he comes back to talk, maybe you two should talk about meeting up soon. You sound like you really must like/love this guy and I really hope that he is no different in person. I think it's a huge and complicated thing to be in a LDR, as I have been there, and yes 3 year is a long time. He may be the one, he may not. But you gotta find out how he is in person and don't rush anything just because it has been 3 years, it has been online. I'm not saying it doesn't count by any means.. but make sure he's who he is and does really care about you like he says he does.

Okiedokes said:

Has he done this before with blocking you and whatnot? Yeah that's a pretty small reason for him to do that and it must be more than just that one misunderstanding it sounds like. I agree it probably would have been good to meet and get to know each other in person more because that is where it really matters. Sometimes online can be a little different, or we think the person is a certain way but in person they act completely different than what we thought. If he comes back to talk, maybe you two should talk about meeting up soon. You sound like you really must like/love this guy and I really hope that he is no different in person. I think it's a huge and complicated thing to be in a LDR, as I have been there, and yes 3 year is a long time. He may be the one, he may not. But you gotta find out how he is in person and don't rush anything just because it has been 3 years, it has been online. I'm not saying it doesn't count by any means.. but make sure he's who he is and does really care about you like he says he does.

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Couldn't agree with this portion more.

Him blocking you is a large red flag to me... use caution.

Blocking is a bit much.

I admit that I would be frustrated if anyone was unhappy with me for improving my lot in life, though, especially if it was someone I counted on for unconditional support. I might lash out, too.

Okiedokes said:

Has he done this before with blocking you and whatnot? Yeah that's a pretty small reason for him to do that and it must be more than just that one misunderstanding it sounds like. I agree it probably would have been good to meet and get to know each other in person more because that is where it really matters. Sometimes online can be a little different, or we think the person is a certain way but in person they act completely different than what we thought. If he comes back to talk, maybe you two should talk about meeting up soon. You sound like you really must like/love this guy and I really hope that he is no different in person. I think it's a huge and complicated thing to be in a LDR, as I have been there, and yes 3 year is a long time. He may be the one, he may not. But you gotta find out how he is in person and don't rush anything just because it has been 3 years, it has been online. I'm not saying it doesn't count by any means.. but make sure he's who he is and does really care about you like he says he does.

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We've both blocked each other off things before, actually. Haha. Just out of anger.. and looking back I can understand why he'd be upset. This was something really important to him, and he wanted to share it with me and I didn't get as excited as he hoped. I don't feel like this was something to end a relationship over, but I guess to him I've always been kind of a downer. Because I'm pretty insecure. But it's gotten so much better the past few months. I've suffered with depression since I was about 14 or 15. I've never really had a stable mood. I just don't want him to think I was doing it on purpose, you know? I want things to be good and I don't want to drag him down. It's just so hard for me to stay happy. He made me extremely happy, but I felt like I was depending so much on him, because he was everything to me. Not just my boyfriend, but my best friend, life coach, my future. That one thing to look forward to. I KNOW that when I meet him (If that still happens), I would feel so much better about everything. I know it.

I've talked to one of his friends from high school. The way he acts online and IRL is pretty much the same. Of course, I'm sure it'll be a little different actually being face to face and all. I've been talking to him every day since early 2008. I'm sure if there was something that he was hiding, it would of came out by now. Or I could just sense something is off. Even when we're IMing each other, I can tell by the way he words things and types... how he's feeling. I've got so used to him, I can't even imagine us ever not talking or not being in each others lives.

He unblocked me this morning. I work night shifts and I checked as soon as my shift was over. He won't be home for at least a couple more hours. I'm not going to try to message him or anything. Just give him his space like how he wanted.

I cannot see how over 3 years of being together, it ends over this. It's like it's not possible. I don't know how anyone could put that much time and effort into something, just to go "lol, k, bye." That's not exactly what happened, haha. But you get the idea. I don't know. Maybe I'm just not ready to face facts. Or maybe theres something I did that hurt him enough for this to happen. It's just... I didn't do it on purpose. :/

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IgnoredOne said:

Blocking is a bit much.

I admit that I would be frustrated if anyone was unhappy with me for improving my lot in life, though, especially if it was someone I counted on for unconditional support. I might lash out, too.

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I understand this. And looking back I see that I should of just put my own stupid insecurities aside and just be happy for him. Sometimes it's so hard for me to do that. Sometimes I don't even realize that's what I am doing. I probably really hurt his feelings. And one of the main reasons he got this place was so I could come over and have a place to stay. Now I feel really dumb.

In my opinion, I don't like change, is a poor excuse. Since you were in a long distance relationship. Who knows what would have happened had you or he moved. Next time I would say "I am not sure how to react". Implying shock is better than implying fear.

No offense but it sounds like you were threatened by his success. You knew he was a good guy. You felt safe knowing he hid from the world just like you. However, when he stepped out into the world. You were scared of losing him to local girls. A valid fear nothing wrong with that. Even though he told you that was not the case. To add insult to injury you didn't believe him.

Him blocking you is a way to insure he will be the one to reinstate contact not you. You sound like you would wait a week and then contact him again.

Time to move on hun. Think about the reasons for your fights and figure out why the fights even occurred. Learn your lesson and move onto the next one.

AFrozenSoul said:

In my opinion, I don't like change, is a poor excuse. Since you were in a long distance relationship. Who knows what would have happened had you or he moved. Next time I would say "I am not sure how to react". Implying shock is better than implying fear.

No offense but it sounds like you were threatened by his success. You knew he was a good guy. You felt safe knowing he hid from the world just like you. However, when he stepped out into the world. You were scared of losing him to local girls. A valid fear nothing wrong with that. Even though he told you that was not the case. To add insult to injury you didn't believe him.

Him blocking you is a way to insure he will be the one to reinstate contact not you. You sound like you would wait a week and then contact him again.

Time to move on hun. Think about the reasons for your fights and figure out why the fights even occurred. Learn your lesson and move onto the next one.

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I hate to say this, but I think you're full of honeysuckle. Having a fear of change is really something you don't just "get over" just because you'd like it to be that way. It's something you shouldn't underestimate - especially if you yourself don't know how frightening it can be.
As for your second paragraph - that's conjecture. To add insult to injury.. you didn't believe him? Either I'm going blind rapidly, or you just made that up. The rest of that paragraph isn't nearly as stupid, it may even be a bit accurate, but from the original post in this thread I couldn't find anything implying she wanted a psychological evaluation. But kudos on that anyway.
"You sound like you would wait a week and then contact him". You know, you may be right about this one. Then again, you seem like someone who wouldn't know what it feels like to actually care about someone. (Sucks when people generalize you based on just one thing you said, huh?)
"Time to move on, and go to the next one" Once again - if you care about someone, you don't just ditch them and "move on". This is three years we're talking about - a major portion of someone's life we're talking about here. You don't just ******* dismiss that.


Contacting him might not even be a bad idea - at least it would show that you care, and if you're willing to put your pride aside, and tell him you were wrong, you might actually get somewhere. As long as you're not too pushy - as you said yourself, he might need some space right now, but I do find it hard to believe that someone you've known for so long would just cast you away permanently. Just have some patience for now, but I wouldn't lose hope just yet

I can understand your feelings and becoming dependant on someone for happiness, but I can you tell you...only you can make you happy. Yes, he made you happy and he was there for you when you needed it, and he still can be but you should try to find the happiness in yourself first.

He may be the same guy as online, that's true. But will he be the same boyfriend, husband, etc that you expected? Sometimes we think we are ready to do something, but in reality we weren't...stuff like that. Words are words, and sometimes the actions can be different. I'm just saying this to warn you about the possibility , not that it's going to happen..but it could. Just spend time getting to know him in person before anything big.

Manorexic said:

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IgnoredOne said:

Blocking is a bit much.

I admit that I would be frustrated if anyone was unhappy with me for improving my lot in life, though, especially if it was someone I counted on for unconditional support. I might lash out, too.

Click to expand...

I understand this. And looking back I see that I should of just put my own stupid insecurities aside and just be happy for him. Sometimes it's so hard for me to do that. Sometimes I don't even realize that's what I am doing. I probably really hurt his feelings. And one of the main reasons he got this place was so I could come over and have a place to stay. Now I feel really dumb.

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We all make mistakes. Nothing to get down on yourself on - you are as human as any of us. Just send him an email of apology or something, and if he can't learn to live and forgive, then he too needs to work on his maturity. We all fresia up horribly sometimes, and it takes a special person to love us in spite of that, I chuckle.

Vagrant Legacy said:

AFrozenSoul said:

In my opinion, I don't like change, is a poor excuse. Since you were in a long distance relationship. Who knows what would have happened had you or he moved. Next time I would say "I am not sure how to react". Implying shock is better than implying fear.

No offense but it sounds like you were threatened by his success. You knew he was a good guy. You felt safe knowing he hid from the world just like you. However, when he stepped out into the world. You were scared of losing him to local girls. A valid fear nothing wrong with that. Even though he told you that was not the case. To add insult to injury you didn't believe him.

Him blocking you is a way to insure he will be the one to reinstate contact not you. You sound like you would wait a week and then contact him again.

Time to move on hun. Think about the reasons for your fights and figure out why the fights even occurred. Learn your lesson and move onto the next one.

Click to expand...

I hate to say this, but I think you're full of honeysuckle. Having a fear of change is really something you don't just "get over" just because you'd like it to be that way. It's something you shouldn't underestimate - especially if you yourself don't know how frightening it can be.
As for your second paragraph - that's conjecture. To add insult to injury.. you didn't believe him? Either I'm going blind rapidly, or you just made that up. The rest of that paragraph isn't nearly as stupid, it may even be a bit accurate, but from the original post in this thread I couldn't find anything implying she wanted a psychological evaluation. But kudos on that anyway.
"You sound like you would wait a week and then contact him". You know, you may be right about this one. Then again, you seem like someone who wouldn't know what it feels like to actually care about someone. (Sucks when people generalize you based on just one thing you said, huh?)
"Time to move on, and go to the next one" Once again - if you care about someone, you don't just ditch them and "move on". This is three years we're talking about - a major portion of someone's life we're talking about here. You don't just ******* dismiss that.


Contacting him might not even be a bad idea - at least it would show that you care, and if you're willing to put your pride aside, and tell him you were wrong, you might actually get somewhere. As long as you're not too pushy - as you said yourself, he might need some space right now, but I do find it hard to believe that someone you've known for so long would just cast you away permanently. Just have some patience for now, but I wouldn't lose hope just yet

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Thank you so much! I agree with what you've said here!

I'm just gunna give him some time.

Vagrant Legacy said:

I hate to say this, but I think you're full of honeysuckle. Having a fear of change is really something you don't just "get over" just because you'd like it to be that way. It's something you shouldn't underestimate - especially if you yourself don't know how frightening it can be.
As for your second paragraph - that's conjecture. To add insult to injury.. you didn't believe him? Either I'm going blind rapidly, or you just made that up. The rest of that paragraph isn't nearly as stupid, it may even be a bit accurate, but from the original post in this thread I couldn't find anything implying she wanted a psychological evaluation. But kudos on that anyway.
"You sound like you would wait a week and then contact him". You know, you may be right about this one. Then again, you seem like someone who wouldn't know what it feels like to actually care about someone. (Sucks when people generalize you based on just one thing you said, huh?)
"Time to move on, and go to the next one" Once again - if you care about someone, you don't just ditch them and "move on". This is three years we're talking about - a major portion of someone's life we're talking about here. You don't just ******* dismiss that.


Contacting him might not even be a bad idea - at least it would show that you care, and if you're willing to put your pride aside, and tell him you were wrong, you might actually get somewhere. As long as you're not too pushy - as you said yourself, he might need some space right now, but I do find it hard to believe that someone you've known for so long would just cast you away permanently. Just have some patience for now, but I wouldn't lose hope just yet

Click to expand...

Meh I am used to people like you. I cannot say that I do not make threads with the tone of Please agree with me. However, I cannot just agree with them.

Speaking as someone who has been getting over his fears for the past year of so. YES it is something you just get over. You can spend a year prepping yourself and doing... whatever... However, in the end you just have to do it. Sitting in a chair thinking about why you are so scared of change will get you nothing really. You have to go out and face your fears head on. Otherwise, you are doomed to live in their warm embrace.

She sought opinions, if she did not want them there are plenty of places where she could post on the net. She gives off the same self-hating, paranoid aura of as my ex. My ex constantly was worried that I was going out and meeting women because of work. My ex went to work and came home and on occasion met up with me. However, I went out and was part of the world. Plus lets look at it this way as well. This guy was getting ahead of her. They were losing the one major thing they had in common. They were both failures. Sitting at home doing nothing but chatting online. Another threat, going back to her fears of change. Him getting a job forces a change on him. Like I said in my original post. She viewed him as a high value mate. She was definitely worried about him being snatched up by a girl he could actually see and touch. Which is a valid concern.

Three years is not that long in the grand scheme of a humans life. Most humans live till at least 70. Three years is 4% of that. Minimal at best. She has vested more time in school than she did with that guy. I never said moving on was easy. However, look at it this way. Everyday you sit around crying over your failure is a day that gets away from you. Is a day that you lose to improve yourself. Is a day that you lose to find someone else to love. Take that sadness and make use of it. That is wasted energy and time. If she doesn't start trying to get over it now, then when will she? 3 years from now 10 years, 20 years? All that time wasted, on what exactly? Plus she is young, your life doesn't stabilize in the least bit until you are at least 25. Even then it can still be chaotic. Believe it or not I have been in her situation... well to a degree I was with a girl for three years. I made my mistakes she left me. I was down and out for the better part of 4 months. Then I thought What is this getting me? When I realized that I was getting nothing and just falling behind I changed. I am simply sharing my experience with her.

As for contacting him being a good idea. You know putting a fire out with Hydrogen seems like a good idea because it is part of water. Breathing Ozone seems like a good idea because it is all oxygen. However, if you don't know the facts about those chemicals it is a gamble. True enough he could be making her chase him. At the same time he might want some distance to reevaluate his position. He could easily take her lack of willingness to give him that distance as a sign that she really does want to control him. It shows that she does not respect him enough to let him decide where he wants the relationship to go. Sure you can see it as caring. However, personally I would see it as an attempt at manipulation. Everything the OP said in her original post states that he thinks she is trying to manipulate him. It is not about what she thinks she is showing. It is about what he thinks. You can give a poor man a million dollars because you want to help. He can see you lording the money over him. It is all about perspective. In the end we have our views about things. Just because you see things one way doesn't mean I see them the same way.

Sorry OP but I do not betray my gender, like women want me too. Everything you said about this situation is gray. When that happens I stick to my gender. Nothing worse than a traitor right? Personally I think that Long Distance Relationships are crutches for the weak. You lack the confidence to get a mate that is near by. You fear changing yourself so that you can have that confidence. So you resort to something that is easy to attach to yet easy to break off. I recommend you become happy by yourself. A mate should not be your life. A mate should be an enjoyable part of your life.

Manorexic: please note that FS speaks from no prior personal experience with relationships, and as such his opinion may be more extreme than most.

IgnoredOne said:

Manorexic: please note that FS speaks from no prior personal experience with relationships, and as such his opinion may be more extreme than most.

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I was with a girl for three years... how is that not experience again?

AFrozenSoul said:

Vagrant Legacy said:

I hate to say this, but I think you're full of honeysuckle. Having a fear of change is really something you don't just "get over" just because you'd like it to be that way. It's something you shouldn't underestimate - especially if you yourself don't know how frightening it can be.
As for your second paragraph - that's conjecture. To add insult to injury.. you didn't believe him? Either I'm going blind rapidly, or you just made that up. The rest of that paragraph isn't nearly as stupid, it may even be a bit accurate, but from the original post in this thread I couldn't find anything implying she wanted a psychological evaluation. But kudos on that anyway.
"You sound like you would wait a week and then contact him". You know, you may be right about this one. Then again, you seem like someone who wouldn't know what it feels like to actually care about someone. (Sucks when people generalize you based on just one thing you said, huh?)
"Time to move on, and go to the next one" Once again - if you care about someone, you don't just ditch them and "move on". This is three years we're talking about - a major portion of someone's life we're talking about here. You don't just ******* dismiss that.


Contacting him might not even be a bad idea - at least it would show that you care, and if you're willing to put your pride aside, and tell him you were wrong, you might actually get somewhere. As long as you're not too pushy - as you said yourself, he might need some space right now, but I do find it hard to believe that someone you've known for so long would just cast you away permanently. Just have some patience for now, but I wouldn't lose hope just yet

Click to expand...

Meh I am used to people like you. I cannot say that I do not make threads with the tone of Please agree with me. However, I cannot just agree with them.

Speaking as someone who has been getting over his fears for the past year of so. YES it is something you just get over. You can spend a year prepping yourself and doing... whatever... However, in the end you just have to do it. Sitting in a chair thinking about why you are so scared of change will get you nothing really. You have to go out and face your fears head on. Otherwise, you are doomed to live in their warm embrace.

She sought opinions, if she did not want them there are plenty of places where she could post on the net. She gives off the same self-hating, paranoid aura of as my ex. My ex constantly was worried that I was going out and meeting women because of work. My ex went to work and came home and on occasion met up with me. However, I went out and was part of the world. Plus lets look at it this way as well. This guy was getting ahead of her. They were losing the one major thing they had in common. They were both failures. Sitting at home doing nothing but chatting online. Another threat, going back to her fears of change. Him getting a job forces a change on him. Like I said in my original post. She viewed him as a high value mate. She was definitely worried about him being snatched up by a girl he could actually see and touch. Which is a valid concern.

Three years is not that long in the grand scheme of a humans life. Most humans live till at least 70. Three years is 4% of that. Minimal at best. She has vested more time in school than she did with that guy. I never said moving on was easy. However, look at it this way. Everyday you sit around crying over your failure is a day that gets away from you. Is a day that you lose to improve yourself. Is a day that you lose to find someone else to love. Take that sadness and make use of it. That is wasted energy and time. If she doesn't start trying to get over it now, then when will she? 3 years from now 10 years, 20 years? All that time wasted, on what exactly? Plus she is young, your life doesn't stabilize in the least bit until you are at least 25. Even then it can still be chaotic. Believe it or not I have been in her situation... well to a degree I was with a girl for three years. I made my mistakes she left me. I was down and out for the better part of 4 months. Then I thought What is this getting me? When I realized that I was getting nothing and just falling behind I changed. I am simply sharing my experience with her.

As for contacting him being a good idea. You know putting a fire out with Hydrogen seems like a good idea because it is part of water. Breathing Ozone seems like a good idea because it is all oxygen. However, if you don't know the facts about those chemicals it is a gamble. True enough he could be making her chase him. At the same time he might want some distance to reevaluate his position. He could easily take her lack of willingness to give him that distance as a sign that she really does want to control him. It shows that she does not respect him enough to let him decide where he wants the relationship to go. Sure you can see it as caring. However, personally I would see it as an attempt at manipulation. Everything the OP said in her original post states that he thinks she is trying to manipulate him. It is not about what she thinks she is showing. It is about what he thinks. You can give a poor man a million dollars because you want to help. He can see you lording the money over him. It is all about perspective. In the end we have our views about things. Just because you see things one way doesn't mean I see them the same way.

Sorry OP but I do not betray my gender, like women want me too. Everything you said about this situation is gray. When that happens I stick to my gender. Nothing worse than a traitor right? Personally I think that Long Distance Relationships are crutches for the weak. You lack the confidence to get a mate that is near by. You fear changing yourself so that you can have that confidence. So you resort to something that is easy to attach to yet easy to break off. I recommend you become happy by yourself. A mate should not be your life. A mate should be an enjoyable part of your life.

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Yes, I can agree on this somewhat. You can get over things, but it takes time. Right now, I'm at the point where I am just about there. I'm getting used to the fact that we're both growing up and things are changing, which is opening up something completely new for him and I.

This part pisses me off. Excuse me, but I'm not your ex. To me, it sounds like you're still upset over something that happened between you and her, and you're using my post to vent on it. I know my boyfriend's friends, and I know what he's like. If he was going out, meeting other girls, I would know. Trust me. That's not was I'm afraid of. Yes, he's getting ahead of me, but one of the main reasons he got a place, was so I could come and stay with him. He has a job, and friends. I also have a job, and friends. Keep in mind, this whole us both getting full-time jobs, happened almost a year ago. I've also worked small, part-time jobs before and a full time temp job for 3 months, before then. We've been fine. We aren't ******* failures. We WERE immature for our age, but that's all changing.

I agree, three years isn't a really long time. But I'm barely 21 years old. I'll admit, I used to sit and cry and boo-*******-whoo about myself. Poor me. But then I started thinking, like the way you're talking about here. And
I got up and started doing something. I pushed myself to get a job, because I knew if I didn't do that, I'd look back on it later and be like, "What the fresia did I do with my life?" Trust me when I say this; I don't enjoy being unhappy. It took me longer than most people to figure myself out. But I'm doing it now, and I've been feeling a honeysuckle ton better about myself and my life. I've battled depression since 14. I've never really got help for it. It's hard to get yourself out of a rut when you're too young and scared to even know what to do to fix what the fresia is wrong. Or even to know what is wrong! But I'm getting out. Looking back on what I originally posted. I have no clue as to why I felt the way I did. Sometimes, I can feel myself slipping back into depression mode. Maybe that's what triggered me to feel weird about him getting his place. But I'm not going to allow myself to stay there. Never again. I've wasted too much time doing that.


This bit I can agree with. I'm giving him his space, because I don't want him to feel like I'm controlling him. Which I'm not even trying to do, but I can see why he'd feel that way, which was a mistake on my part. I really do love my boyfriend. Our relationship has helped me grow into the person I want to be. I guess our perspective differs from each other. That's something I'll talk to him about when he's ready. Our biggest problem was miscommunication...

Betray your gender?... Uhm.. okay. I don't really get what you're trying to say with that. Glad it's working out for you, though. Funny how long distance relationships are "for the weak", yet you're here on this forum.... online... talking to people. On your profile it says you're lonely. You're 26... :l So, you came online to talk to people about your problems? You're weak, too, then, right?

It's not that I lack confidence, I just happened to meet someone online and I fell inlove with him. I couldn't care less if it was over a ******* computer. We're still both human beings capable of feeling. When I was 17, what you're saying here was true. I've grown up since then. I'm not afraid of the world. I don't hide anymore. I'm out there every single day, doing honeysuckle for myself. Posting this all has made me realize that I don't have a ******* thing to fear. Boyfriend has advanced more than I, but given the time to think about it, I've realized it's good that he has. All you're saying to me are things that I've already figured out myself, I'm in the process of applying them.

Manorexic said:

Yes, I can agree on this somewhat. You can get over things, but it takes time. Right now, I'm at the point where I am just about there. I'm getting used to the fact that we're both growing up and things are changing, which is opening up something completely new for him and I.

This part pisses me off. Excuse me, but I'm not your ex. To me, it sounds like you're still upset over something that happened between you and her, and you're using my post to vent on it. I know my boyfriend's friends, and I know what he's like. If he was going out, meeting other girls, I would know. Trust me. That's not was I'm afraid of. Yes, he's getting ahead of me, but one of the main reasons he got a place, was so I could come and stay with him. He has a job, and friends. I also have a job, and friends. Keep in mind, this whole us both getting full-time jobs, happened almost a year ago. I've also worked small, part-time jobs before and a full time temp job for 3 months, before then. We've been fine. We aren't ******* failures. We WERE immature for our age, but that's all changing.

I agree, three years isn't a really long time. But I'm barely 21 years old. I'll admit, I used to sit and cry and boo-*******-whoo about myself. Poor me. But then I started thinking, like the way you're talking about here. And
I got up and started doing something. I pushed myself to get a job, because I knew if I didn't do that, I'd look back on it later and be like, "What the fresia did I do with my life?" Trust me when I say this; I don't enjoy being unhappy. It took me longer than most people to figure myself out. But I'm doing it now, and I've been feeling a honeysuckle ton better about myself and my life. I've battled depression since 14. I've never really got help for it. It's hard to get yourself out of a rut when you're too young and scared to even know what to do to fix what the fresia is wrong. Or even to know what is wrong! But I'm getting out. Looking back on what I originally posted. I have no clue as to why I felt the way I did. Sometimes, I can feel myself slipping back into depression mode. Maybe that's what triggered me to feel weird about him getting his place. But I'm not going to allow myself to stay there. Never again. I've wasted too much time doing that.


This bit I can agree with. I'm giving him his space, because I don't want him to feel like I'm controlling him. Which I'm not even trying to do, but I can see why he'd feel that way, which was a mistake on my part. I really do love my boyfriend. Our relationship has helped me grow into the person I want to be. I guess our perspective differs from each other. That's something I'll talk to him about when he's ready. Our biggest problem was miscommunication...

Betray your gender?... Uhm.. okay. I don't really get what you're trying to say with that. Glad it's working out for you, though. Funny how long distance relationships are "for the weak", yet you're here on this forum.... online... talking to people. On your profile it says you're lonely. You're 26... :l So, you came online to talk to people about your problems? You're weak, too, then, right?

It's not that I lack confidence, I just happened to meet someone online and I fell inlove with him. I couldn't care less if it was over a ******* computer. We're still both human beings capable of feeling. When I was 17, what you're saying here was true. I've grown up since then. I'm not afraid of the world. I don't hide anymore. I'm out there every single day, doing honeysuckle for myself. Posting this all has made me realize that I don't have a ******* thing to fear. Boyfriend has advanced more than I, but given the time to think about it, I've realized it's good that he has. All you're saying to me are things that I've already figured out myself, I'm in the process of applying them.

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Of course you are changing. Everything you wrote about was past tense. At the time, you were likely afraid he was getting ahead of you. Thus it spurred you to try and get a job. Yes you did change. Yes things are different now.

As for him meeting women. Remember he does not have to go out and try. Women are allowed to meet him. Who is to say that he is not worried about you getting super jealous? You know not telling you. Again it goes back to the whole view of him as a high value mate. Adding money and his own place. He suddenly becomes a lot more attractive. He is leaving the house and there are plenty of women out there to see him. Who is the say they are not clever enough to get him talking? Just a thought.

Glad to hear you are not moping around any more. You are better than most people on this forum. Who just sit and stew.

Funny how the word relationship suddenly loses the implied romantic meaning at your convinence. ^.^ However, you know I joined this forum over a year ago. Much like you I came here and vented my problem to talk to people. However, I am much different now. Now I come to this place to remind me who I never want to be again. It is a really good motivational tool. It keeps me working on myself. Yeah I am lonely. Hell I met the first girl I was with online. Difference is I was with her in real life for three years. If a girl is not within an hour of me. I lose all romantic interest in her. If she refuses to meet me, again lost romantic interest. Yes I.. was pretty lonely. Every once in a while those feelings prop back up as I make no progress.... however... this site serves as a motivational tool. Plus I can plan devils advocate. You know throw different views and advice the way of the others. Instead of the same old fantasy mush this forum thrives on.

Anyway, I am glad you figured out what I said for yourself. I would rather my words be wasted that way over the ususal way. You know where they don't listen to me because it is not what they want to hear. I presonally will never believe people can fall in love over the internet. I have my reasons for believing this. Plenty of people prove me wrong. Plenty of people prove me right. In the end this is just another tool to meet people, that is all. I am more than willing to claim attachment. Hell I have online friends who I have known for.. hmm well one will be coming up on a decade here soon. However, I would never claim to love someone. I need physical interaction to bridge that gap.

Either way, glad to hear it was just a moment of weakness. I have those from time to time as well. You at least are doing something about it. Which is way more than the majority of people on this forum can say.

AFrozenSoul said:

Of course you are changing. Everything you wrote about was past tense. At the time, you were likely afraid he was getting ahead of you. Thus it spurred you to try and get a job. Yes you did change. Yes things are different now.

As for him meeting women. Remember he does not have to go out and try. Women are allowed to meet him. Who is to say that he is not worried about you getting super jealous? You know not telling you. Again it goes back to the whole view of him as a high value mate. Adding money and his own place. He suddenly becomes a lot more attractive. He is leaving the house and there are plenty of women out there to see him. Who is the say they are not clever enough to get him talking? Just a thought.

Glad to hear you are not moping around any more. You are better than most people on this forum. Who just sit and stew.

Funny how the word relationship suddenly loses the implied romantic meaning at your convinence. ^.^ However, you know I joined this forum over a year ago. Much like you I came here and vented my problem to talk to people. However, I am much different now. Now I come to this place to remind me who I never want to be again. It is a really good motivational tool. It keeps me working on myself. Yeah I am lonely. Hell I met the first girl I was with online. Difference is I was with her in real life for three years. If a girl is not within an hour of me. I lose all romantic interest in her. If she refuses to meet me, again lost romantic interest. Yes I.. was pretty lonely. Every once in a while those feelings prop back up as I make no progress.... however... this site serves as a motivational tool. Plus I can plan devils advocate. You know throw different views and advice the way of the others. Instead of the same old fantasy mush this forum thrives on.

Anyway, I am glad you figured out what I said for yourself. I would rather my words be wasted that way over the ususal way. You know where they don't listen to me because it is not what they want to hear. I presonally will never believe people can fall in love over the internet. I have my reasons for believing this. Plenty of people prove me wrong. Plenty of people prove me right. In the end this is just another tool to meet people, that is all. I am more than willing to claim attachment. Hell I have online friends who I have known for.. hmm well one will be coming up on a decade here soon. However, I would never claim to love someone. I need physical interaction to bridge that gap.

Either way, glad to hear it was just a moment of weakness. I have those from time to time as well. You at least are doing something about it. Which is way more than the majority of people on this forum can say.

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Wish my crystal ball had this type of range!

AFrozenSoul said:

I was with a girl for three years... how is that not experience again?

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This contradicts what you've said previously. At any rate, the notion of 'betraying your gender' is rather silly since not everyone of a gender thinks the same and the notion that long-term relationships don't work is hardly supported by my own life, for one.

As for the OP, I'm also glad that she's doing well. Like I said, people all make mistakes and its ultimately valuable to have a partner who can understand and accept that. Because, really, we all fresia up badly sooner or later. Its part of the human experience.