Why Are You Lonely?

I can't believe this hasn't been done before.

I have been lonely because I've felt thrust to the side of society due to my physical disability. I also lack social skills offline (online I seem okay). I don't know what it's like to have a really close friend offline.

School bullying, childhood abuse, low self esteem, abusive relationships.

For me, it's probably a fear of rejection or a fear of finding something worse - a situation that's so wrong, I'd have to walk away hurt and fighting to get rid of the thoughts.

I don't know if I'll ever overcome it. Some nights at my computer I'll say that I'm going to do things differently. I'm going to pick up on when I'm getting along nicely with some random person, whether it be at a store or wherever, and just go for it. But I never do. I can have a zillion friendly exchanges with people, and then I'll never see them again. I can have a zillion friendly exchanges with people I'll see multiple times, but phone numbers never get exchanged. Expression of interest beyond the small talk is never made known.

My appearance.

I don't know, it seems auto-destructive. Before I didn't want to talk to people because of my weight, now I don't want to talk to people (girls especially) due to not being "tough" and with muscle. Makes me feel weak.

I keep telling myself: "Confidence!" I just have to keep working out and suck it up until I get the muscles I feel comfortable with.

Lack of family, lack of friends, this gnawing feeling of being flawed and incapable of forming meaningful friendships with normal people. Lack of time, as well. I go to school and work as a waitress, free time is usually spent napping in bed or typing up papers. My schedule may just be an excuse but it makes "going out and meeting people" that much more dreadful and tiresome.

It seems that at this stage in life (early-mid 20's) everyone already has their friends, whereas I have none, and it's like I can never get any sort of a foothold, because everybody else is already content with the friends they already have.
That, and I have a stutter, which can make communication challenging sometimes.

i just get so tired of people and the social games they play.
all seems such a waste of time and energy.
everybody seems to be protecting themselfs by being distent or even hurtfull to others to avoid getting hurt or looking silly themselfs.
i was never able do that or wanted to, or i gues i just didnt know.
i was alway open and friendly, didnt know you had to protect yourself, and that gets you hurt a lot.

makes me wanne spend less time around people, especially strangers.
and the people i do know i find hard to trust, i never see it coming when they arnt as nice as i thought they were.
it takes so much energy always having to be on guard around people, looking for signs that something might not be right, games are being played.
i dont think people do it on purpose or realise it themselves though.

but anyway, staying out of it, keeping a safe distence saves me a whole lot of trubble and getting hurt.
but does get me a lot of lonelyness to.

I'm lonely because...
I've been let down by everyone in my life
I'm different to people and get misunderstood
I long for more than what others are offering
I have 1 self-centered friend who doesn't understand the word 'us'
Being around most people feels so empty
I don't get on with girls and boys usually just want one thing
No one can see my true worth
I don't belong in this time and age
None of my emotional needs are met
I'm not a priority to anyone
People around me are so distant and cold
I am excluded in this society of families
I am completely isolated
I'm a social pariah
I have never had a real friend
I'm on the outside looking in
I lack a social support network
I dislike my own company
I am never missed

I am lonely because...I have no social skills, I am awkward and easily flustered. I am also utterly spineless, so people who do take interest in me do so only to take advantage of me, which has skewed my views of people around me a whole lot. I've also no real social circles due to my self-imposed 'Righteous Man' ideology of doing the right thing, mostly due to having learned from bad examples, and the local culture doesn't take kindly to tee-totalling dweebs who don't socialize in the usual tobacco break discussion. I don't make a big number out of myself, since I feel like most people are going to be gone in a matter of months by the latest, so growing attached to them will just end up in senseless sense of loss. I'm the type of guy whose name you can't remember even after having worked with for over two months...*sigh*

For some reason, it really feels like that the game of musical chairs has ended, and I found myself one beat too slow, and all the chairs are taken...

Good question Sophia. Mine stems from low self esteem, insecurity, from being picked on and bullied when I was younger, at school and in public, and shyness as well. I will not wear shorts in public due to being teased about having chicken legs. Get me out of my comfort zone and I hide in the corner. Some of it comes from my upbringing, my mother isn't a sociable person. She's not shy or anything she just isn't one of those people. She was also very strict, my brother and I feared to ask her if we could go over to a friends place. Most of the time she'd say no or make us do a list of chores to do before we could go play.

I wish I knew exactly.

I think it has something to with the fact that I never had Kindergarten and was used to be at home. School was an enviornment I did not understand.

But I made friends there. Some people just came up and asked me if they could play with me etc, and I agreed (I never asked anyone, was shy). But at some point, especially when the teenage years came, I lost my grip and lost almost all my friends. I think that time of life is most important, at least it seems it was for me. Some of my unsucess was probably due to my insecurities about my financical situation. I was from very poor family, everyone around me seemed to be more than average, and I also had the feeling I must have money, funds, be independent somehow. And at time I didn't feel that and made me avoid all the attention I was given. I was over-school boy once, after I fought one guy, and it was seen that girls craved me, some approached me. But I never took any interest, of course I thought they were incredibly shallow minded, but I still could have pursued something when I wouldn't felt so insecure about my financical situation. This was from 6th to 9th grade. And pretty much continued through 10-12'th grade.

Been lonely ever since. Gained back some good friends, but still feel lonely. I do want to go out and meet people sometimes, but then I have no-one to go with. And when I have, the night turns out to be just an inner circle night or some boring honeysuckle. This is how it is. Therefore I don't even know if I have any real friends bechause I seem to be the only one who is interested in some stuff, completely alone. I have friends with whom I can discuss and share any almost any thought I have, but some activities are just not possible. You can drink beer with some friends, and discuss things with other friends, but they are so separate. And somehow all the friends I have, are kind of loners also, which makes meeting new people harder.

I'm only lonely when someone else points it out, otherwise I am content with a solitary life.

thalassa said:

I'm lonely because...
I've been let down by everyone in my life
I'm different to people and get misunderstood
Being around most people feels so empty
No one can see my true worth
I don't belong in this time and age
None of my emotional needs are met
I'm not a priority to anyone
People around me are so distant and cold
I am excluded in this society of families
I am completely isolated
I'm a social pariah
I have never had a real friend
I'm on the outside looking in
I lack a social support network
I dislike my own company
I am never missed

Click to expand...

I'm exactly the same way..

because I'm antisocial, I know it's contradicting, but I don't know, I think I'm just a sociopath, I felt that it's probably better to stay away from people.

I think there are a lot of issues with me that's going on, it's difficult to list them all, but I always come to a conclusion that I'm just a creep, but I do love people, it just feels like I just can't do a very good job being a good friend for others, it feels like I have problems that will just get in the way. It's difficult for me to find people to make friends with anyway, so it really doesn't matter.

I am lonely, because I am very shy and quiet at first (but when you get to know me, I can talk hours, lol...), my self-esteem is destroyed, I don't have any confidence left (9 years being bullied), I feel socially awkward front of people etc.

It's complicated. Here are a few reasons why I believe I'm lonely:

I have difficulty opening up to people and being myself. Consequently, it takes quite a bit of effort to get to know me. I think most people don't have that kind of patience, especially considering there are plenty of other people out there who offer themselves up from the start.

I lack confidence. I have never been rejected because I have never even taken a shot.

My self-esteem is abysmal. I am a ruthless self-critic. This makes it difficult to do anything because I avoid social activities that are likely to lead to bouts of self-criticism after the fact.

Generally, I think my demeanor gives people the impression I don't like them or I think I'm better than they are. Which certainly is not the case. I'm just a very social anxious person and this leads to avoidance. I don't normally start conversations with people; I wait for people to start conversations with me. But I can see how starting a conversation with me would be difficult, because I don't think I come across as a very approachable person.

All of these factors have contributed to my self-isolation. Which makes things even harder, because I've missed out on a lot of experiences people my age have had, thus making it even harder to connect.

I am lonely because I'm shy, a little anti-social(but I'm getting better), have low self-esteem, lacking in self-confidence, paranoid, anxiety issues, lacking in social skills, often misunderstood, don't go out as much, over-weight, still suffering from being bullied/picked on when I was in school, when compared to people of the same age around my area I'm different, considered a good kid/boy which equals boring to some people, funny last name.

I think the main reason I'm lonley is that I'm closed. It took me a while to figure this out. But luckly I've realized of this problem... It's diferent than shyness or low self steem, is more like plain introversion, like I like it to be with myself too much perhaps.

Most of the time I just wanna be alone, and I ejoy it, I enjoy the peace and quiteness... Probably becose I've been like that when I was a kid. I was always alone in my bedroom playing alone, I played alone, read books, make puzzles or whatever, alone... I had no brothers, my dad never payed much atention to me... I had some friends but most of the time, it was just me, I guess I was used to it.

Later in life I lacked social skills, just didn't get them at all. Now it's been 5 years since I began therapy and it has helped me, I've made new friends. So I'm improving, but there is still a long way to go...

I want to change, I want to become more sociable, do stuff, go out more... But then most of the time I feel like being alone and I don't do stuff cuz is too difficult sometimes to be sociable. The natural way for me to operate is being alone with my own toughts, when I have to comunicate is not my natural state... Sometimes it feels natural but other times is hard.

I wish it was easier, I wish I had the ability to be sociable... I still have to figure out some things.

The introverted mindset makes it harder...

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paulo said:

i just get so tired of people and the social games they play.
all seems such a waste of time and energy.
everybody seems to be protecting themselfs by being distent or even hurtfull to others to avoid getting hurt or looking silly themselfs.
i was never able do that or wanted to, or i gues i just didnt know.
i was alway open and friendly, didnt know you had to protect yourself, and that gets you hurt a lot.

makes me wanne spend less time around people, especially strangers.
and the people i do know i find hard to trust, i never see it coming when they arnt as nice as i thought they were.
it takes so much energy always having to be on guard around people, looking for signs that something might not be right, games are being played.
i dont think people do it on purpose or realise it themselves though.

but anyway, staying out of it, keeping a safe distence saves me a whole lot of trubble and getting hurt.
but does get me a lot of lonelyness to.

Click to expand...

I can relate to your post. I've felt that many times.

For me it's like...

Why do you say that? why do you act in that mean way? And why other people respect you for that?

Why do you have to pretend all the time? Why do other people buy it?

Questions like that pop into my head as I'm trying to comunicate with people... Social rules ain't gonna change for me so I have to acept. It's irrational... I suck at irrational.

At least we lonely people have a forum to congregate in.