Lawrens
Well-known member
- Joined
- Oct 24, 2008
- Messages
- 764
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I'm quite a boring guy and I often whine and complains a lot, because I don't find enjoyment in a lot of things in life, perhaps it's some kind of avoidant personality disorder, but regardless I'm just a pretty boring guy.
I have a few hobbies but nowadays I enjoy them less and less, I'm really picky with stuff and if I find something wrong with what I'm doing and I don't know the solution to make them better, I get bored of it, for example, I get burn out from jogging, it becomes a chore, I get depressed half way through them even if I set a routine and jog everyday, but after 2 months, I go through this period where I just feel disgusted over the activity because it is just so ******* boring and tedious, I never liked them to begin with, I just force myself to because obviously exercise would make me feel less depressed.
Same goes to every other thing, it feels like there isn't a motive behind these, I play badminton with my brother and his friends, it gets hella boring because people don't get much better, I'm just swinging my racket on reflex and more often than not it feels like a game of luck, there are periods where I get satisfaction but it becomes rare, people don't change, they don't get better, they make the same mistakes and I watch the same honeysuckle every god **** week, *I* don't get better and so now what? Of course I pretend to be enjoying it every week, because obviously they are enjoying it just fine, I don't want to honeysuckle on their parade.
I don't really know how to appreciate things anymore and be happy about them, they're there for me to enjoy, but I don't, it feels like nothing drives me to do them, I especially hate it when people tell me "do it for yourself, keep doing what you enjoy", I used to draw a lot and even when I think about it now, I don't really know why, perhaps I have a message to tell? No I don't, I just like pretty stuff. Some people tell me "Just do whatever that makes you happy", well, nothing really makes me happy, I'm sorry I just can't appreciate things as much as you do, therefore I stopped talking to these people, I don't want to lie in their face and act enthusiastic, when I clearly don't give a honeysuckle, "fake it til you make it"? It didn't work, I can't fight my innerself that just don't care, in fact it feels like if I repressed myself, it just backfires on me one day when I just can't lie to myself anymore.
What could I do, how do I enjoy life again? It feels like I ruin everything I'm trying to do with my negative thoughts.
I have a few hobbies but nowadays I enjoy them less and less, I'm really picky with stuff and if I find something wrong with what I'm doing and I don't know the solution to make them better, I get bored of it, for example, I get burn out from jogging, it becomes a chore, I get depressed half way through them even if I set a routine and jog everyday, but after 2 months, I go through this period where I just feel disgusted over the activity because it is just so ******* boring and tedious, I never liked them to begin with, I just force myself to because obviously exercise would make me feel less depressed.
Same goes to every other thing, it feels like there isn't a motive behind these, I play badminton with my brother and his friends, it gets hella boring because people don't get much better, I'm just swinging my racket on reflex and more often than not it feels like a game of luck, there are periods where I get satisfaction but it becomes rare, people don't change, they don't get better, they make the same mistakes and I watch the same honeysuckle every god **** week, *I* don't get better and so now what? Of course I pretend to be enjoying it every week, because obviously they are enjoying it just fine, I don't want to honeysuckle on their parade.
I don't really know how to appreciate things anymore and be happy about them, they're there for me to enjoy, but I don't, it feels like nothing drives me to do them, I especially hate it when people tell me "do it for yourself, keep doing what you enjoy", I used to draw a lot and even when I think about it now, I don't really know why, perhaps I have a message to tell? No I don't, I just like pretty stuff. Some people tell me "Just do whatever that makes you happy", well, nothing really makes me happy, I'm sorry I just can't appreciate things as much as you do, therefore I stopped talking to these people, I don't want to lie in their face and act enthusiastic, when I clearly don't give a honeysuckle, "fake it til you make it"? It didn't work, I can't fight my innerself that just don't care, in fact it feels like if I repressed myself, it just backfires on me one day when I just can't lie to myself anymore.
What could I do, how do I enjoy life again? It feels like I ruin everything I'm trying to do with my negative thoughts.