Are these values normal?

I'm a sentimental person, I like to spend time with the people I love over everything else. I'm quite traditional and it's hard to have traditional views to relationships. I have compiled a short list and was wondering if you guys think it is fair, normal, stupid, obsessive, good or true to its cause.

These are the values I hold and wish for 'the one' to hold and my family holds and what I want our family to hold.

1. To be 100% honest. To mean and do everything we say we will.

2. To be devoted to eachother. To be willing to put everything on hold for eachother no matter how silly it is.

3. To include eachother in all decisions

4. To accept and embrace eachothers' pasts, insecurities and worries as they are part of who we are. Not ask them to change or use them against eachother.

5. To listen to eachother, realise what we say. what it means and embrace it.

6. If we are apart for a week/month/year, make plans to talk and see eachother and keep them.

7. To know I am happy alone but my dream is to have this family, to be a unit, to defend of its members even if they're in the wrong and tackle anything together.

8. To sometimes sacrifice what they want individually and do the want of the other.

(and specifically for 'the one' and I)

9. To be their last. From the beginning to the end without pauses or breaks or cracks. To experience new things together.

Thank you for reading.

Its idealistic, and true to its cause. Its not always realistic.

Sounds extremely dependent to me... not what I would view as a healthy relationship, but to each his own.

A nice though - but not very realistic.

Normal, normal? Don't think so. Are there people out there with these values? Sure.

Whatever works for you.

Gotta admit, I kinda stop seeing the reality of it after I read number 1. NO ONE is 100% honest.

I wouldn't want 100% honest. Sometimes honesty brings nothing but pain and hurt feelings. I'd expect honesty on the important things, but little white lies in everyday life is probably healthy.

"Do I look fat?"

IgnoredOne said:

"Do I look fat?"

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"A little bit, yes. But it doesn't bother me."

:club:

Equinox said:

IgnoredOne said:

"Do I look fat?"

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"A little bit, yes. But it doesn't bother me."

:club:

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No, it's the pants that make you look fat, take them off

#3 and 8. All of them are normal, nothing weird about those things at all but, 3 and 8, I don't like. Maybe because I'm so used to being by myself, I can't quite get my head around the concept of being with someone. Like really being with someone. All committed and for life and stuff. Give me a couple of years.

It's what Renae and I are strieving for. It's what Renae and I are living for.
WE actually see eye to eye on these values.

Renae and I have certainly fell short of it all. Everything on that list at onetime or another.
We definitely have a past together.
We are however closer more than ever. We have a lot of that today.

It's real for us today...becuase we both chose to make it real for us.
Our love , understand, forgivness, hopes, dreams and passion for each other is real for US.
I love her with all my heart.

We're definitely not what you would call a normal couple.
Our realtionship and lives didnt fit into a nice perfect box for the both of us and it certainly havnt been convient
for the both of us.

Honestly...Reane is a very, very beautiful person inside and out.
She's super fine and totally sexy.

Inter-dependent.
Loving one another.
She needs me as much as I need her...after all the pains and hurted we both had gone through.
This much I know....She loves me very, very much. (becuase I'm sleeping in the same bed with her tonight)

I personally dont really give a fresia what the world thinks or what nornal is.
I certainly didnt asked the world for approval for loving her.
I certainly didnt love her for the fucken world.
If I had listen to the world...I certainly wouldnt be with her NOW.
Keeping it real....

Thank you all for you're input. I wanted to see if my values adopted from my parents and what I want would be considered normal.

Is it hard to believe my parents and hers are like this minus the 100% honesty. A lot of people are not 100% honest but I tried to be no matter the outcome. I know my girlfriend does too but sometimes listens to her friend who tell her not to be.

They both have been with each other for 30+ years. They both understand the meaning of its meant to be. They both have fought and had extremely hard times together but have come out stronger. Is it hard to believe that their children who believe in this can't follow them because of modern opinions, friends, society. It is impossible for two people this day and age to devote themselves to one another, I believed that was how it's meant to be once you take your voes or even before if they know they want to be with that person for the rest of their lives, am I wrong?

JustWondering said:

It is impossible for two people this day and age to devote themselves to one another, I believed that was how it's meant to be once you take your voes or even before if they know they want to be with that person for the rest of their lives, am I wrong?

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Its just that people are not psychic and immutable - there's no way for us to know 100% if a person is exactly who we want to be with, or that that person will stay that way, or that we won't change.

A more realistic alternative which was more common in the past was just to determine that you would be with someone, no matter what, and learn to deal with changes as much as possible. It didn't always make for 'happy' marriages, but it did make for lasting ones. It has been, and it is pretty easy to get taken advantage of in such a model.

Imagine a girl who's decided to be with someone no matter what - does that mean she'll be completely accepting of any and all abuse? Mind you, I know a lot of old couples where that is the norm, tragically or otherwise; one of my ex'es had grandparents where everyone knew that grandpappy was good-for-nothing and would sometimes get drunk and batter grandmother, but everyone just accepted that as it is. Certainly it didn't seem to matter so much as grandpappy's ability to do violence has decreased with age, but is that right?

Thank you, that has opened my eyes a little. Because like you I can relate to knowing grandfathers like that and abusive husbands back in that day were acceptable. I don't think it was very acceptable in my parents age though. I agree that maybe they decided to stay with each other no matter what but they fell in love before that decision and are today even through the changes. You do fall out of love I believe but part of being with each other (which I didn't know at the time) was you fall back in love with each other. They went against everyone else's belief and told them they loved each other. My Father used to get angry but that was part of who he was and the childhood he had. He never hit or swore badly at my mother but he did get angry at life and the issues it threw at him, as my mum has been angry too in the past.

I fight so dearly because I want to believe two people can be like that today but better, in the day the man was meant to keep problems, finance and emotions away from his wife's knowledge, to protect her mostly, to ensure she knows he is a man and will always make things right. But I believe that we can protect the one we love and still be honest 100%. Today a woman traditionally doesn't need to be so smothered, told what to do or needs someone to always fix things. But I believe there is still a strong reliance on the man to know what to do ultimately and to protect her.

I want to belong to the person I am with and for her to know she holds my heart and vice versa. That in a sense, we will be a unit. That fights for each other, protects each other and always protects that flame between them when others might seek to put it out.

Its just that people are not psychic and immutable - there's no way for us to know 100% if a person is exactly who we want to be with, or that that person will stay that way, or that we won't change.

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After years of seeing their face, hearing their thoughts and understanding their life. Will we not possibly know that person better than they know themselves. Know what they will do, who they will be. If they change dramatically whether it's a superficial change caused by circumstance or a profond personality change caused by realisation of something?

I want to believe after 25 years of being married to my wife that she will know my true intentions, my wants, my needs, my dislikes and my insecurities. To a certain extend I want to believe she will know why I do what I do and know what I will do before I will.

If I said the words and phrases 'meant to be', 'soulmates', 'unity' and 'love'. What do they mean to all of you?

JustWondering said:

If I said the words and phrases 'meant to be', 'soulmates', 'unity' and 'love'. What do they mean to all of you?

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Fantasy; possible; precious.

Its certainly possible to have what you said, at least in nature, of something lasting and enduring, especially if both you and your partner are willing to work on it. Statistically, it is also more likely if one or both of you are religious.

I think a lot of what you say is idealistic, but certainly there is a core possibility. I'll certainly not discourage you from seeking what makes you happy, and it is a pretty goal. About the 100% honesty, though...

Don't tell her she looks fat.