I'm hurting a lot right now

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TheSolitaryMan

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Hey guys,

I'm sorry for the dramatic thread title, but unfortunately it's true. I feel so lost at the moment.

Have you ever just been totally blindsided by something about someone? Just totally surprised?

This girl I've liked for about 5-6 months now, call her A...I was at a social event today and one of her friends just started joking with me about how she's slept or is sleeping with some random guy. Apparently said guy is also sleeping with her friends, he's just being passed around or something.

It just felt like such a punch in the gut. I really can't explain it. A was present when it was mentioned, she seemed really embarrassed that I heard (though she did laugh it off). My face was just burning up after that, I just thought "Wow. What a ******* huge miscalculation I made. What a fool I am."

I don't get it at all. For the whole 5-6 months I've been chatting with her a bit, talking to her friends and so on. Her friends have been actively encouraging me to get to know her, sort of helping me out, they all seem to like me. She seems to like me.

Then this.

Literally everything about the girl said to me that she's a really nice, innocent, "good" girl. Someone who would be interested in having a really decent boyfriend. She comes from a nice family, went to an all-girl school, has good manners, talks nicely, seems to get shy with sort of "off-colour" stuff and just seemed all around lovely.

Now I hear she's ******* some random guy who's like the group sex toy. I feel so, so disappointed. I can't help but think that whoever that guy is, the ******* got further with her in 10 pathetic minutes than I have in 6 months. I don't even get why the girl wanted to get coffee with me, stuff like that, if she just wants to sleep around.

Even worse, I think I may know the guy she slept with. He's an arrogant wanker, thinks he's amazing. I guess he must be.

I feel like utter honeysuckle. I've had a bit of a cry, as pussyish as that is. Never have I felt like I've totally got someone wrong, but I have with her.

All my worrying, all my feeling of "Wow, this girl seems special, maybe she likes me?" has been utterly futile. She probably never gave a fresia about me, or my feelings, for that whole time period. Even now, I don't think she realises how much that little bit of information stung me.

Worse, it's starting to feel like I'm the only person with principles in my class. Everyone else seems to be out just doing one-night stands, now even the people I would never have thought would do that.

I'm so, so, so sick of seeing horrible guys getting with girls all the time, especially the ones I like. It pisses me off. I just don't understand why the stuff I have to offer - security, humour, passion, genuine feelings and caring - are apparently worth absolutely nothing.

Everyone tells me, all the time, how "the right girl will realise how lucky she is to have you", but apparently this is bull. Right now, all I do is sit on the sidelines, watching arsehats creak bedsprings with the girls I've been building something up with.

I'm done now. I'm sorry.
 
You aren't a pussy! you're allowed to cry! In fact that's something I might do in your situation.

Look, reading what you have said may I say something?

There's a difference between someone you "get off with"

and someone you love.

and you don't ask people you "get off with" to coffee, to get to know them better. You keep them at an emotional distance.

How do I know this? I go into adult chatrooms. I talk to guys who i will never talk to again, just to get off. I don't let them get close, I don't talk to them again...

*sigh* Quality takes time. Time builds trust. Trust builds love.

See Look? http://www.alonelylife.com/thread-this-hurts Here's a thread where I said I cried over someone.
 
I'm sorry that you are hurting right now. It sounds like a rough situation you are going through.

Did you ever make your intentions known with this girl? Six months is also an awfully long time to hold off on making some kind of move or making your intentions known. You said yourself that you are "sitting on the sidelines". This is an awful metaphor but: How do you expect to win a goal without getting in the game? You're absolutely right... If you stand idle the entire time, you'll just be doing a lot of watching from the sidelines.

It's interesting to me that you are going along with the double standard that so many others do. The guy is sleeping with all of these girls, and yet she's only sleeping with one (that you know of)... Yet somehow, she's the slut with messed up judgement and he's the champ for it. Anyway... I don't know. That's a personal peeve of mine.

She may still be all of those things you listed... So what if she slept with someone? If someone hadn't blurted it out in the first place -- you'd have never known. To be frank, it really isn't any of your business... It's hers. If you two had been dating, it'd be a completely different story.

Again, I'm sorry you are hurting from this and if I came off as being harsh. I know it's a delicate matter, and it's never easy when dealing with issues of the heart.

Wish you all the best and hope you feel better soon
 
shells said:
I'm sorry that you are hurting right now. It sounds like a rough situation you are going through.

Did you ever make your intentions known with this girl? Six months is also an awfully long time to hold off on making some kind of move or making your intentions known. You said yourself that you are "sitting on the sidelines". This is an awful metaphor but: How do you expect to win a goal without getting in the game? You're absolutely right... If you stand idle the entire time, you'll just be doing a lot of watching from the sidelines.

I invited said girl to coffee a while ago (3 months). I did it online via a PM, I don't think she even saw the message until it was too late. It was a stupid way of doing it.

Since then, she's been giving me rather mixed signals. Lots of smiling, lots of talking when I talk to her, then at the same time she's very quiet and doesn't initiate anything much.

And yes, that is an awful metaphor! My "goal" is not to shag people. This guy's goal was. His goal is a lot easier than mine, which is to actually, you know, treat a girl like a girl, not an organic hole to put my willy in one evening.

I've held back for fear of offending this girl, being too hasty, rushing her. I wanted to respect her. Then some guy comes along, rushes her, and ends up in freaking bed with her! :rolleyes:

It's interesting to me that you are going along with the double standard that so many others do. The guy is sleeping with all of these girls, and yet she's only sleeping with one (that you know of)... Yet somehow, she's the slut with messed up judgement and he's the champ for it. Anyway... I don't know. That's a personal peeve of mine.

How so? I don't see how I'm going along with that at all. The guy is, in my words above, a wanker. I don't see him as a "champ", I think he's a prick!

Clearly his only goal was to bed a girl. He didn't give a honeysuckle about any of the emotional stuff I was thinking about on a daily basis. I don't like people who sleep around lots regardless of gender.

I didn't say she was a "slut" either. Didn't say anything like that.

Instead, I'm just disappointed with her. She had the choice of what she would do, and she apparently did that with some randomer, which really surprised me given my impression of her over all that time.

She may still be all of those things you listed... So what if she slept with someone? If someone hadn't blurted it out in the first place -- you'd have never known. To be frank, it really isn't any of your business... It's hers. If you two had been dating, it'd be a completely different story.

The thing is, she'd have to be stupid to know I didn't have some kind of emotional interest in her. The least she could have done was tell me she's not interested.

It's not my business until a girl starts leading me on for months on end, flirting with me and so on, at which point I think if she decides to start sleeping with random people without cutting me off first, she is not respecting my feelings.

If I started flirting with a girl, suggesting some kind of romantic connection, I would not start sleeping with random girls. It's like flirting with someone, then walking across the room and snogging someone else. It's not nice to do that to people.

If it hadn't been for her expressing interest in me all this time, I wouldn't have bothered. That's why it hurts this much, I think.

Sophia, maybe you're right. I don't know. I don't "get off" with people, I just try to treat them straight. Maybe that's why I always get shafted in the end.
 
TheSolitaryMan said:
Sophia, maybe you're right. I don't know. I don't "get off" with people, I just try to treat them straight. Maybe that's why I always get shafted in the end.

No, it isn't why you are shafted in the end. I use it to fill a void when I am single.

*shrug* :(

Wow I really regret admitting I do that now.
 
SophiaGrace said:
TheSolitaryMan said:
Sophia, maybe you're right. I don't know. I don't "get off" with people, I just try to treat them straight. Maybe that's why I always get shafted in the end.

No, it isn't why you are shafted in the end. I use it to fill a void when I am single.

*shrug* :(

Wow I really regret admitting I do that now.

Don't regret it, from where I'm sitting it seems like what the majority of sane people do! I'm in the minority.

I know that void well, I face it every day. But I've always tried to avoid using other people to fill it, for better or for worse. I wouldn't be comfortable with doing that.

That's not to say I'm a saint, as much as the dickish self-righteous part of me would love that. I feel the same needs as everyone else, I have to try as hard as I can to suppress those.

There are days where I too just want to "get off" with someone random, because I don't know if I can take feeling so lonely anymore. So far, I've resisted that. I'd really, really love to have sex. However, I don't want to just do it for the hell of it.

Morality aside, I'm not sure the good "I don't use people" feeling is worth the "Woo, I get to watch the girl/guy I like screwing people." feeling.

I think, fine, yeah, I could understand her sleeping with someone to let off steam or something...maybe. When she's done it when I'm making a clear effort to get closer to her (and without brushing me off), it feels like a kick in the jewels.
 
TheSolitaryMan said:
I invited said girl to coffee a while ago (3 months). I did it online via a PM, I don't think she even saw the message until it was too late. It was a stupid way of doing it.

Since then, she's been giving me rather mixed signals. Lots of smiling, lots of talking when I talk to her, then at the same time she's very quiet and doesn't initiate anything much.

And yes, that is an awful metaphor! My "goal" is not to shag people. This guy's goal was. His goal is a lot easier than mine, which is to actually, you know, treat a girl like a girl, not an organic hole to put my willy in one evening.

I've held back for fear of offending this girl, being too hasty, rushing her. I wanted to respect her. Then some guy comes along, rushes her, and ends up in freaking bed with her! :rolleyes:

lol, I never meant the goal had to be sex. It could have been forming a relationship with her, or establishing something. I know it was an awful metaphor, only because I know what it sounds like. I only used it to integrate the "sidelines" bit, and maybe give you a different perspective.

Was the fear of offending this girl, or getting rejected? If it were me, I'd be afraid of getting rejected. I don't see how asking someone on a date can be offensive.

How so? I don't see how I'm going along with that at all. The guy is, in my words above, a wanker. I don't see him as a "champ", I think he's a prick!

Clearly his only goal was to bed a girl. He didn't give a honeysuckle about any of the emotional stuff I was thinking about on a daily basis. I don't like people who sleep around lots regardless of gender.

I didn't say she was a "slut" either. Didn't say anything like that.

Instead, I'm just disappointed with her. She had the choice of what she would do, and she apparently did that with some randomer, which really surprised me given my impression of her over all that time.

I only say slut because... That's usually what is assumed when someone "sleeps around". It was just the vibe I got from your post. My mistake and I apologize.

And I agree with you. The guy does sound like a prick. But I brought that up because of this:
I can't help but think that whoever that guy is, the ******* got further with her in 10 pathetic minutes than I have in 6 months. I don't even get why the girl wanted to get coffee with me, stuff like that, if she just wants to sleep around.

Even worse, I think I may know the guy she slept with. He's an arrogant wanker, thinks he's amazing. I guess he must be.

I could be reading this out of context. But like I said, that's just how it came off as a third party reading your post.

The thing is, she'd have to be stupid to know I didn't have some kind of emotional interest in her. The least she could have done was tell me she's not interested.

It's not my business until a girl starts leading me on for months on end, flirting with me and so on, at which point I think if she decides to start sleeping with random people without cutting me off first, she is not respecting my feelings.

Girls aren't mind readers, I hate to say. No one is. I agree that it isn't cool that she lead you on... But in her mind, it could be that she was just being friendly. I've been in situations where my friendliness has been mistaken for something else entirely.

The point I'm trying to make here is that you need to make your intentions known, or at least push yourself a bit further out of your comfort zone to do so. It'll clear up confusion in future.

Like I said, I'm just a third party looking at your situation. I've been in your position before and it hurts. I've been the girl that has been lead on and watched as the same guy went ahead and made out with another girl. It was crushing, at the time. What I didn't realize back then is that I wasn't clear about anything. I was too afraid to put myself out there and go out on a limb.

How can you expect her to make her intentions blatantly known if you don't do the same? It's not fair to anyone. It leaves a lot of room for assumptions and fill-in-the-blanks -- which could be avoided just by asking.

It's really hard to put yourself out of your comfort-zone, but... like I said, it can spare yourself a mess later. lol, It doesn't seem like my post offered any help or perspective like I had intended. Oh well. Feel free to disregard.

I hope you start feeling better soon. Take care :)
 
shells said:
I could be reading this out of context. But like I said, that's just how it came off as a third party reading your post.

Sorry, I was being sarcastic with that bit of the post, perhaps I didn't make it clear. Of course, I don't really think he's "amazing".

I'm just a bit bitter. I've always tried to be a good guy, yet I've never kissed a girl, never cuddled with a girl, never had sex. The things I would do for a kiss! It's probably best I don't go into that.

It gets to me when some arrogant, unlikable twat of a guy inexplicably gets to make love to a girl that I've tried to approach for ages in two seconds. It's like a slap in the face.

I could understand if she was a sort of "loose", unpleasant girl. But all evidence pointed to her being level-headed, friendly, emotionally aware and sensible - in other words, I'm miffed at why she did it, I suppose.

Anyway, you're right on the comfort zone. I've never asked a girl out, so that much is my fault. But I wanted to get to know her first, become her friend.

Sadly, that route seems less effective than simply meeting her at a club and asking her to take her pants off :rolleyes:

I'm going to get some sleep now, typing in a mood like this doesn't help. Thank you for the replies everyone :)
 
Think about it this way: You marry her, she fucks with another guy, you find out. What you going to do? Most likely feel more betrayed than now.

I'll post more later when I have time. :)
 
OP I fully understand your pain & it's not an easy thing to go through... I know, but at the same time maybe you can try to look at it like this:

Theoretically it's true you took "too long" with her & she ended up with sleeping with someone else, but on the other hand... are you not somewhat glad you did? Now you can see what she's truly like. Did you really want to be with a girl like that?

Seems to me like you did yourself a favour.
 
TheSolitaryMan said:
shells said:
I could be reading this out of context. But like I said, that's just how it came off as a third party reading your post.

Sorry, I was being sarcastic with that bit of the post, perhaps I didn't make it clear. Of course, I don't really think he's "amazing".

I'm just a bit bitter. I've always tried to be a good guy, yet I've never kissed a girl, never cuddled with a girl, never had sex. The things I would do for a kiss! It's probably best I don't go into that.

It gets to me when some arrogant, unlikable twat of a guy inexplicably gets to make love to a girl that I've tried to approach for ages in two seconds. It's like a slap in the face.

I could understand if she was a sort of "loose", unpleasant girl. But all evidence pointed to her being level-headed, friendly, emotionally aware and sensible - in other words, I'm miffed at why she did it, I suppose.

Anyway, you're right on the comfort zone. I've never asked a girl out, so that much is my fault. But I wanted to get to know her first, become her friend.

Sadly, that route seems less effective than simply meeting her at a club and asking her to take her pants off :rolleyes:

I'm going to get some sleep now, typing in a mood like this doesn't help. Thank you for the replies everyone :)
It's a good thing that you respect women. Admirable, even.

She might still be all of those things you described, but... Who knows. You might not be getting the whole story here. She could be getting peer-pressured from her friends.

I guess it doesn't really matter as this is something that clearly puts you off. You can look at the bright side and say you got to know her. If this is something you can't look past, then it's time to let go of her as an interest.

Ak5 said:
Thank about it this way: You marry her, she fucks with another guy, you find out. What you going to do? Feel more betrayed than now. I'll post more later.

I don't really think this is a valid point, considering they were never together in the first place. Not even dating.

Her one night-stand doesn't mean she can't be a faithful partner in a committed relationship. Not to say she isn't a cheater, because she could be. Not for any of us to say, really.
 
shells said:
Ak5 said:
Thank about it this way: You marry her, she fucks with another guy, you find out. What you going to do? Feel more betrayed than now. I'll post more later.

I don't really think this is a valid point, considering they were never together in the first place. Not even dating.

Her one night-stand doesn't mean she can't be a faithful partner in a committed relationship. Not to say she isn't a cheater, because she could be. Not for any of us to say, really.

I see AK's point... this is a situation where you can see what type of character the girl has... obviously not much of 1, so it's unlikely she can be a faithful partner in a committed relationship.

If you watch peoples' behaviour long enough you can see what type of people they are which then = being able to know what they will & will not do/are & are not capable of.

If she's sleeping around like this she obviously isn't relationship material.
 
Someone who sleeps with someone else "just because" is obviously not currently looking for long-term relationships.

What Sprint posted above. :p

Anyway, OP, truthfully, you can either forget about her, or hope that she won't do it again. Sometimes you just need initiative in a relationship, you should be the one sleeping with her. :p Girls love guys that tell them what to do, taking the initiative is an excellent way to go. About relationships is the "bad guy" "good guy" type of thing. If you're too much of a "bad guy" sure you'll get the pussy, short-term relationship is your specialty, but enter your mid-30s, you'll find yourself old and alone. On the other hand pursue the entire "good guy" personality and you'll find yourself having only a few relationships, some you'll feel betrayed, but one of those will be the "right one" for sure.

My personal advice: Mix a little "bad guy traits" (confidence, strength, out-going, etc.) into your current personality and I'm sure you'll do fine. :) If that doesn't work out, I'm afraid you'll just have to wait until the "right one".
 
Sprint said:
shells said:
Ak5 said:
Thank about it this way: You marry her, she fucks with another guy, you find out. What you going to do? Feel more betrayed than now. I'll post more later.

I don't really think this is a valid point, considering they were never together in the first place. Not even dating.

Her one night-stand doesn't mean she can't be a faithful partner in a committed relationship. Not to say she isn't a cheater, because she could be. Not for any of us to say, really.

I see AK's point... this is a situation where you can see what type of character the girl has... obviously not much of 1, so it's unlikely she can be a faithful partner in a committed relationship.

If you watch peoples' behaviour long enough you can see what type of people they are which then = being able to know what they will & will not do/are & are not capable of.

If she's sleeping around like this she obviously isn't relationship material.

Uh,

She is SINGLE right?

Who cares who she sleeps with when she is single?! How does that have any reflection on who she is as a person within a committed relationship?

You know what? I was seriously thinking of having sex with a guy off craigslist when I was single.

What does that say about me? huh?

Maybe I was just sick of being a virgin.

You know what? Nevermind. You won't listen to what I have to say anyway. I"m wasting my words.
 
I'm sorry, TSM.

The problem is, she probably could still be a very nice girl but you don't know how people might compartmentalize and classify people. She might think of him as a kind of a living, breathing dildo and as such, not really attach any emotions to sex with him.

Even so, it sucks for you. I'll be happy to talk to you more in PM.
 
I'm sorry to hear this SolitaryMan but I agree with Shells, she may still be the kind of girl you thought her to be, and she may still want the things you could offer. But giving a girl signals but also waiting too long to tell her you like her or make it clear, only confuses her too. When you say she is talkative at one point and then goes silent the next time, and she is also giving you mixed signals, but a girl (oh ok most girls) will always wait for the guy to tell them they like her. Like they usually say, many are interested but only a few persisted. You'll never make a girl know your true intentions unless you tell her, despite the nice things you do with treating her nicely. A girl doesn't want to assume and it will be a very hard blow and a lot of courage for a girl to admit to a guy she likes him, before the guy admits it to her first.

If you think about it, she may just only be struggling with a vulnerable situation. We all want to be cared for and to feel that someone is attracted to us, to make us feel adored and cared for, specially to shy girls, who thinks guys don't give them attention that much. You never know how a simple ''you look very pretty'' makes a girl feel, specially from someone she has shown a hint of interest to.

Everyone makes mistakes and I can see the emotions going inside her when a guy who seems so confident and determined seem to want to sweep her off her feet. I am not saying she is not wrong in agreeing to one night stands, but it is her choice, and maybe she was just in a vulnerable state, and maybe she was just frustrated a guy she likes is giving him mixed signals, and here comes macho man wanting to make her feel like a woman.

Whatever the things she is really going through, she may be a good person or not. But your choice will always be your choice, if you really want her and give her the things you want to give her, like love and security, then be brave to tell her your true intentions despite the risk of being rejected. Sometimes the worst things we do aren't the thing we did, but we didn't do.

Even if she rejects you, the mere fact you know how you are towards women and you have real, honest intentions towards them, makes you better of a man than most men who gets plenty of girls every night. And well, you're probably tired of hearing this, but eventually, a girl will want to choose security and real love more than one night stands.
 
SophiaGrace said:
Uh,

She is SINGLE right?

Who cares who she sleeps with when she is single?! How does that have any reflection on who she is as a person within a committed relationship?

You know what? I was seriously thinking of having sex with a guy off craigslist when I was single.

What does that say about me? huh?

Maybe I was just sick of being a virgin.

You know what? Nevermind. You won't listen to what I have to say anyway. I"m wasting my words.

Hey Soph, don't know if this was directed to me at all, but I covered some of that in my other post perhaps.

Best case scenario (and I'm talking "improbably best case" here), is that I was so vague with my approaches to her that she doesn't even know I like her. I doubt it though.

I know exactly what you mean. Sometimes I contemplate (as I said before), trying to pick someone up at a club or something. Or even just getting a snog there. But it just doesn't feel right, so I don't. The feeling is understandable though.

IgnoredOne said:
I'm sorry, TSM.

The problem is, she probably could still be a very nice girl but you don't know how people might compartmentalize and classify people. She might think of him as a kind of a living, breathing dildo and as such, not really attach any emotions to sex with him.

Even so, it sucks for you. I'll be happy to talk to you more in PM.

This is true, but in a way that sort of makes it worse, you know? If she was having emotional, passionate sex with some guy she really liked I could understand.

A quick, out-of-character tumble with some guy (who in my imagination is probably far hotter and more sexually adept than me) with 0 emotion is kind of...sad? Depressing? I don't know the right word for it really. For me, anyway, I'm sure she had the time of her life!

Floffy, I'll be back to reply to your post later. I have to go now unfortunately. Thanks for the post :)
 
Okay, time for the tough talk. ;)

First, I just want to say that I understand how you feel. I've been there myself - feeling disappointed at some guy I liked when I found out something about him that didn't match with how I had perceived him earlier. But it's because I understand how you feel, that I think it's important for you to hear/read some of the things I learned from those cases. I hope you won't take it as me attacking you or something, because that isn't my intention at all. By realizing a few things, I'm hoping you might feel better, and maybe even not give up on A, since you seem to like her so much.

You mentioned that you've made it very clear that you like her, and that she'd have to be stupid to not have noticed. The thing you should know: People usually ARE stupid when it comes to feelings and relationships. I know that I certainly am. If someone who was interested in me spent six months on such advances that you've talked about here on the forum, I doubt I would have realized that he actually liked me. I would have thought he was just being friendly, or even just pitying me. A lot of people, especially if they feel somehat insecure about themselves, need very strong, clear signals if they're going to believe someone else likes them. Of course, this might not be the case with this girl. Maybe she really did know how you felt; that is definitely an option. But what if she didn't? Would that make a difference to you and your feelings?

She apparently slept with some guy. Some random, loser guy who sleeps around. There was most likely no feelings involved, just sex, and by your principles, this is a character flaw. (That's how I understood it, anyway. Correct me if I got it wrong.) Why is that? Why do you think it's wrong for a person to have casual encounters, when they are, in fact, single? Why is it that a person who has casual sex is suddenly not "relationship material"? Why is it a disappointment that she's slept with someone?

I'm not asking these questions as an attempt to tell you that you are in any way "wrong" in feeling the way you do. Feelings are there, and they can't be turned off and on like some switch. But trying to understand where they're coming from might be a way to deal with them and ultimately let go of them. If you really like her, I don't think you should give up on her just because she's slept with some guy. You're not her boyfriend, you're not even dating, and it's fully possible that she likes you despite sleeping with this other guy. To illustrate my point, I'll share a short story from my past:

I had this friend, who was one of my best friends at the time, and I had the biggest crush on him. He didn't have a crush on me, however, at least not as far as I knew. Then someone else that we knew, indeed your typical 'sleeps around' kind of guy, took an interest in me, and he asked me out. Simple, straight. I accepted; not because I was interested in this guy other than as a friend, but because I felt lonely, unwanted and desperate. I had a good time that evening, and he walked me home. As it was still fairly early, I invited him in, with no ulterior motives (no, really). We chatted for a while, and when it started getting late, he suggested that he could spend the night. I considered it; I really did. I just wanted to feel wanted, to feel like I was close to someone, and I didn't really care who it was at that point. I knew that my best friend wouldn't return my feelings anyway, and that even if he somehow were to hear about it, he wouldn't care. I could have easily slept with that other guy that night. The reason I didn't, wasn't because I felt any obligation to my crush - it was purely because of my own intimacy issues. If I hadn't been so damaged on this sort of thing, I probably would have gone through with it. That is, usually, the human thing to do.

Sometimes I regret that outcome. I could have been one experience richer, it could have been an important step towards working out my intimacy issues, and as it turned out, I was right - my friend never felt the same way about me as I did about him. I know it's not exactly the same thing as your story with this girl, but all I want you to consider is WHY it hurts so much that she slept with someone, and if there is anything that might change this. If it's about her not sharing your principles, then it probably is a lost cause. Everyone has dealbreakers when it comes to a partner, and if your dealbreaker is sexual principles, then you should probably look elsewhere. But if it's about whether she may or may not like you, then that is something that doesn't necessarily have anything to do with her having sex with this other guy, and thus no reason for you to give up because of it.

However you decide on handling it, I wish you all the best. If she's not the right girl, then she's not the right girl. You're still young, and I'm sure someone else will come along (I know it's a cliche, but it's the mandatory thing to say). If you decide on not giving up, then it might be about time for you to jump into it and simply ask her out and get a clear answer. At least then you can either move forward or move on.
 

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