The most annoying question

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Felix

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Have you ever been hanging out or doing whatever with other ppl and suddenly someone asks you something like "you are not talking much?"

This happened to me today, I was with some friends and some were friends of my friends, this girl suddenly asked me that very question. I didn't say anything back.

It makes me feel like crap, I start thinking "this girl probably thinks I'm in a bad mood or that I'm bothered or that I'm unfriendly" when I'm not, I just don't have anything to say... I can't help but to start wondering how other people interpretate my behaviour.

Maybe I should think of an answer to that question so next time it doesn't catch me by surprise...

Honestly, it makes me feel sad, I try hard to talk but sometimes I just don't have anything to say... I can't come up with anything. It bothers me and I don't need other people pointing it out, I already know... I don't blame them but... I feel sad now :(

So does this happen to anyone? people directly asking you why you are not talking?
 
This happens to me as well. Or I'll get asked "why are you so quiet?" If I don't have anything to say, then I'm not going to speak.
 
Well, sometimes people wonder if there's something wrong because you're being quiet. And actually, already having a standard response for that question isn't a bad idea.
It can be something as simple as, "You know me - I don't say much." Just something to put the other person at ease or to keep them from worrying that something is wrong. I wonder if most people who ask that question are "talkers."
Im guilty of the "you're pretty quiet tonight" kinda thing. For me, it's just expressing a bit of concern.
 
Yes... I agree that you should have some sort of response like the one suggested. If you continue to say nothing, or just shrug, it will definitely make people think something is wrong.
 
I get this every time. Its like it really offends people when I don't join in but, I can't help that I'm not interested in anything that is being said. Of course, that gets me the honourable title of "silent weirdo" but I can live with that.
 
I don't know how it feels because nobody ever asked me that; but I can agree that it should feel very annoying. But I do know what it feels like when you don't have anything to contribute to the conversation, you're mind is completely blank on what to say; that is annoying!

Anyway, look at it from this point of view: That person wants you to talk and be involved; you aren't being rejected!

If you don't know what to say just smile/laugh and say "I'm a good listener".
 
Thanks for your replies... most of the times is not having much to say, people who know me are ok with that. I guess I should try to be more prepared for next time I'm around ppl who don't know me. I've been a bit disconnected these days, thinking about my own issues...
 
fatalism said:
I get this every time. Its like it really offends people when I don't join in but, I can't help that I'm not interested in anything that is being said. Of course, that gets me the honourable title of "silent weirdo" but I can live with that.

I get asked 'why are you quiet ?' or 'your quiet today'

I usually answer 'I like being quiet' or 'I'm a quiet person'

I have no problems telling people I can be quiet and I am a shy person.

 
I usually answer that it's because I'm tired. I'm always tired, so it's always true.

I could go on and on explaining to them that some people just talk more than others due to differences in personality and that being quiet doesn't necessarily mean something's wrong but it's just not worth it. They'll likely never get it, and I'll just be labelled "boring" in their mind anyhow.
 
I get these questions a lot, too. I usually answer them with something along the lines of 'I prefer to listen'. This is partially true, but another part is that a lot of times I either don't know how to contribute as you said, or I always miss the moment to actually get a word in, or I'm afraid of the reaction I will get to what I say.
For me, it makes it easier to have that response ready, whenever someone asks, but it doesn't really help with how I feel about it afterwards. It usually makes me feel sad and self-conscious. And most of the time it has the opposite effect of what the person asking intended, as I feel more insecure and retreat further from the conversation.
What seems to help me in this kind of situation is to remember that I have been told that I am a good listener by a few people, so I try to focus on that instead.
 

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