I'm in a weird situation...

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labelsorlove3

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So I was introduced to this guy about two months ago. We started talking on the phone and texting a lot (we were introduced at a friends engagement party). We have A LOT in common and we talked for hours everyday. After talking for a few weeks he asked me if I wanted to get a drink, and our plans ended up falling through. Then we were supposed to get dinner two days later and since he had canceled plans two days before I figured I'd wait for him to contact me after work on the day of our dinner date. I never heard from him. Saturday he texted me and asked why I didn't call him, that he thought we had plans? (Why couldn't he have called me?) So at this point I was extremely frustrated. We made plans to get dinner on Wednesday after I got out of work (because my friends told me to give him one more chance 'hes a great guy') and he called me after work on Wednesday, said he would call back when he was ready to leave and I didn't hear from him until today.

Today he just said 'hey' out of nowhere. Then he went on to tell me that I'm intimidating and I make him nervous and he doesn't want to mess this up. To be honest I had already moved on, I mean three chances seems like more than fair to me. He continued to text me I told him I wasn't interested in anything more than friends so he proceeds to tell me "well fine then I'm going to get a drunk girl at the bar to go home with me." I'm not exaggerating this conversation at all, this all really just happened. I said something like "good for you... have a fun night..." then he said "screw you , good night." Five minutes later I get a text from his phone from some random person asking me if I was this guys girlfriend... I said no why? And he said that this guy (lets call him Greg) came up to him... said "screw this girl" threw his phone at him and walked away.

I mean obviously this guy is not the guy for me but I'm just wondering why he would ditch me three times in a row and then get extremely upset when I have lost interest. Could he really have meant that he found me intimidating... I mean if a guy finds me intimidating wouldn't he at least have the decency to text me and say "I'm not ready to go on a one-on-one date." I'm shy too... but am I wrong for being upset over everything that has happened?
 
Everything about this guy sounds sketchy and wishy-washy. He's also extremely inconsiderate for not following through (not once, not twice, but three times!) or at least giving you a courtesy-call to let you know he wasn't able to make it.

I wouldn't even give it a second thought or fret about it at this point. He doesn't sound like he's worth the energy or time.
 
Okay good I'm glad someone else agrees with me. It is just a awkward situation because we were introduced by friends and I feel that after what happened it is just going to make things awkward for everyone.

I admit I'm not a very patient person when it comes to this stuff but I think giving someone three opportunities to redeem themselves is more than fair. Thanks for responding!

shells said:
Everything about this guy sounds sketchy and wishy-washy. He's also extremely inconsiderate for not following through (not once, not twice, but three times!) or at least giving you a courtesy-call to let you know he wasn't able to make it.

I wouldn't even give it a second thought or fret about it at this point. He doesn't sound like he's worth the energy or time.

 
Three chances is definitely more than enough.

The fact he threw a fit like that ("screw that girl", "I'm gonna find a drunk girl", and throwing his phone) is very immature. That kind of behavior reveals some of his true nature-- imagine how he'd react in an actual crisis situation.

At least you found out sooner, rather than later. Take care :)
 
Sounds to me like he wanted you to chase him a little. Saying a girl is intimidating is a good excuse. I think he wanted you to be more... worried when the plans fell through. It sounds like it was a test to see how interested you were in him. Men and women a like play these games. The way you describe the situation says to me that your reaction was at best indifferent to the cancellations. Your second paragraph clearly shows that you could have cared less that he even called a second time.

You have no reason to be upset. After all, you only wanted to be friends with him. Sounds to me you didn't really even see the guy in a romantic light. After all you were able to brush him off so easily.
 
Ya maybe. He texted me again today and said "I'm going on a date so don't text me from 6pm to 11pm." Its so dumb I mean I don't know why he wanted me to chase him I was more interested in him before his games... its too bad but oh well I'm not going to lose sleep over it.

AFrozenSoul said:
Sounds to me like he wanted you to chase him a little. Saying a girl is intimidating is a good excuse. I think he wanted you to be more... worried when the plans fell through. It sounds like it was a test to see how interested you were in him. Men and women a like play these games. The way you describe the situation says to me that your reaction was at best indifferent to the cancellations. Your second paragraph clearly shows that you could have cared less that he even called a second time.

You have no reason to be upset. After all, you only wanted to be friends with him. Sounds to me you didn't really even see the guy in a romantic light. After all you were able to brush him off so easily.

 
o_O... You did not respond in a hostile way.... o_O are you sure you belong here? Most girls are super hostile to my responses.

Anyway, he is clearly trying to make you jealous. He is going out of his way to talk about his lack of avaliablity. What a chump, he fails to realize that will never give him dominance. Same thing with women. Women who go out of their way to make men jealous lose dominance... even worse for women they turn themselves off. :p After all, the guy is proving that the girl can do better.

It sucks that he is bad at the games he plays. Had he been a bit more intelligent you might not have even seen the game :p. Oh well, live and learn. I honestly think that the guy did not think you were interested in him. Well that or he just enjoys chasing and being chased. Some people are like that. After all, it never hurts to let a person know theya re desired.
labelsorlove3 said:
Ya maybe. He texted me again today and said "I'm going on a date so don't text me from 6pm to 11pm." Its so dumb I mean I don't know why he wanted me to chase him I was more interested in him before his games... its too bad but oh well I'm not going to lose sleep over it.

 
Yeah sounds like you were both playing the "He/She should call me because I don't want to seem too desperate" game initially, and then it sorta blew up in his face and now he's kinda snapped. Probably for the best though as I don't think you had a good relationship to look forward to if he was going to be acting like this.
 
This is exactly why I think "mindgames" in relationships are a load of bull.

This guy is clearly trying to be "clever" or something, but he messed it up and has now made a complete mess of the whole thing. His hostility is simply his own frustration manifesting itself as frustration at you.

Sounds like a bit of an immature guy really. I feel a bit sorry for him, but meh. You did nothing wrong, the fault lies with him.

I think if two people like each other, the easiest, best policy in the long term is to just be honest and upfront about it (something I'm never able to do ironically!)

Unfortunately some guys and girls seem to think that instead being bloody awkward is somehow alluring. I don't get why to be honest.

He was probably thinking "Aha! I'll make her super keen in me if I make her guess what I'm up to." Instead he's made himself look like a wally who doesn't take dates seriously, then he's thrown a ridiculous tantrum that just makes it look even worse.

Plus if his idea of fixing a silly impression like that is to say "Lolz I'mma screw other drunk girls", he's obviously still pretty childish/clueless.

If I was in his position originally, I would have said something like "Hey, sorry I missed those dates. Truth is, I really like you and I thought it would result in X, but instead..." At least then it has a certain dignity even if he still got nowhere.

Long story short, OP did nothing wrong, not to worry. The guy needs to grow up anyway.
 

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