"Stifled", I know people notice this...

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Fragile

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Every time I'm around other people I get tense and "stifled". And my vision flickers. (English is my second launguage so I don't know the proper wording for it.) I have a hard time maintaning eye contact, wich is critical, espescially when interacting with women I'm attracted to.

I notice that other people see this and take "a step back", you know what I mean? I feel like a freak sometimes beacuse of this and I don't know how to make it stop. I don't have any real friends or anything and my life feels shallow and empty.

I have REALLY tried to make it go away by pushing myself, staying in, noticing and going through social situations with multiple other people all over the place daily (almost) for over a year now, but I'm still all alone and getting stifled.

I have adopted a new positive mindset and vision of the future for me over the past twelve months, but this last thing keeps holding me back from creating any kind of friendship or relationship with anyone, and I seriously don't know how much more I can take of this loneliness, wich borders on isolation for me.

I have actually considered using some kind of substance to help me relax among other people, but I know how hellishly destructive such a choisce could be, so I'm trying to at least see if anyone else feels the same. Or has gone through this already and came out on the other side, or has any help to offer me in this matter.

Thanks in advance.

Fragile.
 
cumulus.james said:
going off topic - do you like NIN?

Eh? Err, moving on...

Whatever you do, don't start abusing drugs to make yourself more social. Regardless of the whole load of side effects we don't even know about yet (I'm a chem student, so I have a vague idea of what I'm talking about here at least ;) ), addiction, life-screwage as you mentioned...being spaced out of your head isn't going to make you attractive or interesting to the right people.

Think about drugs like this: you're essentially consenting to turn yourself into a lab monkey, except you're paying for the privilege and you're probably taking stuff some incompetent has knocked up in a shitty basement lab somewhere. Mug move!

Recently some people I've been friendly with have turned out to be taking drugs at social events, and all I could think was "God, how sad/pathetic."

If you're not being yourself, what is the point of being social? So I emphatically think you should focus on your confidence and skills, not doping yourself up.

Anyway, off of that now. Try to look into people's eyes more when talking to them. Carry yourself upright when walking and focus on being determined about whatever you're doing at the time. The confidence should slowly start coming to you. Very slowly. But it does work.

When talking to a girl you like, think "Confidence is hot". That sounds dumb I guess, but I know that when I've had my rare moments of real success with girls it's because I've been thinking that thought and I've looked them in the eyes!

So, confidence is hot, then walk in, straight and tall, and look them in the eyes when talking to them.

Try to hold your gaze for a few seconds, even if it's almost unbearably uncomfortable. Put on a genuine smile too, and you'll make a good impression pretty much guaranteed.

Good luck!
 
Eye contact is a tricky thing, sometimes people interpret it as you are trying to hide something or being shifty. Me, it's out of fear that they might see more then I want them too. There's that saying that your eyes are the windows to your soul. That just freaks me right out. I try to avoid direct eye contact myself unless I'm involved in a deep discussion that I'm passionate about. But other then that, I hate when people want to look you directly in the eye when talking to you.
 
I think I'm very hard to be around. I really try to be, and I genuinly are (when I'm around people I like) happy, positive and funny. Can that really just be my faulty way of interpreting things?

I don't think anyone can like me either, I guess I'm a very difficult person to like. Not even my own family likes me so I guess it's not that hard to understand though.
 
Fragile said:
I think I'm very hard to be around. I really try to be, and I genuinly are (when I'm around people I like) happy, positive and funny. Can that really just be my faulty way of interpreting things?

I don't think anyone can like me either, I guess I'm a very difficult person to like. Not even my own family likes me so I guess it's not that hard to understand though.

I am the same. But I think when you feel bad inside it shows on the outside, body language and all that. If you have low self esteem or shyness people can see it and they avoid you, I dont know why. I would like to meet a shy person more than I would a confident one.
 

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