I'm afraid to admit I like girls (Long Read)

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Dark_Poet

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Hello

This will probably be one of the scariest things I've done in quite sometime.

Its really difficult for me to admit that I like girls.
Most males might find that strange.....
I'm afraid of being laughed at again.

I had a traumatic experience when I was younger, and I never really got past it. Girls were not the kindest people to me if I had any romantic interest in them. Friendship wise, pretty much everyone liked me.
I was just never good enough for anything beyond that.

Now I'm a little better. I use to get angry at myself for looking at a girl and finding her attractive. I feel so dirty and like a pervert. A male pig if you will.

I get really scared, and I just can't do it. :p
Even if I say a 3 letter word I feel ashamed of myself.
I know its really weird.... I'm just glad I'm not like my Dad who when he found out I finally made a friend in real life, told me to sleep with her.
She's 63 years old and i'm 25!

Its still impossible to be in a room with a pretty girl.
That is my nightmare to be honest.

The funny thing is, I think girls make the best friends.
On top of that, I drive myself nuts crying and hurting over wanting someone to like me so bad. I know its common on all. I too have never had a girlfriend.

I'm not trying to harp on that though, the point of this, was to try and admit that I like girls in front of a group. Unless I delete this, you'll all know my secret. Honestly, I like people to think that I'm incapable of finding anyone attractive.

The really funny thing is, I have yet to see one ugly person on here.
The friends that I have that are girls, you really scared me to death in the beginning. (hehe) Not because you did anything wrong, but because you're female, and then I saw pictures and realized that i'm talking to someone that looks like you? But you've never made me feel bad about it, and I want to think everyone for that.

I've said this a million times before.
This website is amazing. It is full of some of the kindest people I've ever met, and I can't thank you enough for being so great!

Thanks for listening.

Take care and have a wonderful day! :)
 
It's okay, Poet. :) Nobody is laughing at you for any reason, whether it be liking girls or being afraid to admit it. Thank you for feeling comfortable enough to share how you feel and your pain with us. You are an amazing person yourself! You've already improved so much. I'm so fortunate to have you as a friend. (hug)

I hope you find your happiness, Poet. You more than deserve it. Don't be afraid to lean on me or others when you need it. :)
 
There is absolutely nothing wrong with hanging out with girls or mature women. By doing so, you get to know ladies better. What they respect in a man, how they live their daily lives. So many of us guys think that we understand what women want, but in reality, we don't know a **** thing, because ultimately, we're men. We can never truly know and understand a woman and vice versa.
 
You become flustered and nervous in front of girls, and develop feelings of guilt for 'inappropriate' thoughts. That's not unusual, and especially not after having some emotional trauma.

Just stay calm, and be forgiving of yourself. Its not inappropriate to be human, and its certainly not inappropriate to want to touch, hold or have sex with people. The thought doesn't harm, nor even telling someone that.
 
You still need some time to feel even more confortable and i hope we'll help you. :)
 
I have elements of this myself too! I swear I say that to half the stuff on the boards, but it's like people pluck these things straight from my mind sometimes...

I can be friends with a girl just fine (better than with guys sometimes actually), but when I think a girl is attractive, it's like I feel bad for that.

There was this girl flirting with me a while back (I assume she was anyway, she leaned over pretty dramatically in front of me) and straight away I sort of got quiet and started feeling bad for her doing that to me!

It's almost like I feel like I'm exploiting a woman if I take an interest in her romantically, or that I'm manipulating her somehow if she takes that interest in me, so I unconsciously back off. It's so strange, I have no idea what causes it.

I'm sorry girls gave you that poor experience early on. I too was picked on by them in the past, I wonder if that's what gave us these similar feelings?

Regardless, you come across nicely in all your posts Poet and I'm sure that once you get over this emotional resistance you'll make a girl a fine partner!

And, as IO said, there's nothing to feel awkward or ashamed about. It's perfectly natural to feel attraction to girls. Remember that girls also feel attraction to guys too and that might ease those "pig" feelings :)

Good luck!
 
Poet, I feel like I know exactly how you feel.

Without trying to sound sexist (generalised statement from experience), I find it's very common for women and girls to say that men are typical men, are always thinking about sex, always got hidden intentions etc.etc. It simply really isn't the case ...

I, like you I think, feel the pressure of this 'reputation' we have. For me, it's always a combination of: (1) feeling too shy + (2) having low self esteem + (3) this feeling of 'not wanting to seem dirty / typical' ; which makes me not try and start relationships, even if I may want to.

But I think I know inside that there's nothing really wrong with wanting to (as everyone here has said). But it's easy to say that when you know what Poet is like and how nice a guy he is (erm, I don't actually know you, but you seem very nice and your reputation precedes you :D). But once you get to know someone like that, you pass that 'friend' barrier don't you; then it's inappropriate to go further! (it feels so for me anyway most of the time) :<

And before you pass that 'friend' barrier, then there is that fear of seeming like someone who's only interested in one thing... wink wink -_-.

So it feels like a paradox to me. **** these social pressures! You seem like a nice guy poet, I think things will work out for you =]
 
Dark_Poet said:
Hello

This will probably be one of the scariest things I've done in quite sometime.

Its really difficult for me to admit that I like girls.
Most males might find that strange.....
I'm afraid of being laughed at again.

I had a traumatic experience when I was younger, and I never really got past it. Girls were not the kindest people to me if I had any romantic interest in them. Friendship wise, pretty much everyone liked me.
I was just never good enough for anything beyond that.

Now I'm a little better. I use to get angry at myself for looking at a girl and finding her attractive. I feel so dirty and like a pervert. A male pig if you will.


I know this is an old post, but it really struck a chord with me.

My experience was not quite the same, but similar.  Girls weren't very kind to me growing up, whether I had a romantic interest in them or not.  For all of grade and high school and most of college, there just weren't any girls I felt like I could talk to.  I didn't live in a sparsely populated place either, but there still wasn't much to work with.  There were the popular girls, who wouldn't have given me time of day but it didn't matter as we had nothing to talk about anyway.  And there were the rest, who might not have been as mean but with whom I still had little to nothing in common and not much to talk about with.  

I also struggle with the feeling that I'm just not good enough for more than friendship, like I have some kind of inherent lack or shortcoming that I can't fix or make up for.  I fear that I'm just trapped at that level, and there's no amount of work I can do to overcome it and prove that I could offer more than that, be worth more than that.  I'm afraid that my problem is that I'm just inferior, that inferiority and weakness are fundamental to who I am, and that's why I can't fix it.  I don't want to be that way.  I just don't know the right things to say and the right way to carry myself to make the impression that I really want to make.  

Most of the time I never voiced my romantic interests.  I didn't know how guys and girls talked to each other.  I didn't know how it all worked, I assumed it was mostly about looks.  I saw myself as low in the social totem pole and that I would have to leave it up to luck to get a girlfriend, or that it would make sense later, I'd figure it out when I got older.  

It is difficult for me to admit that I like girls.  I used to feel dirty about it too, and was afraid to admit to liking someone growing up because I was afraid of being mocked or having other, more social and popular people try to shame me and label me a creep.  I don't want to come off as creepy or rude, and I also don't want to come off as vulgar and dirty.  I've always thought all the slang and innuendos were unpleasant and cheesy and I just didn't want to be like that.  I've always known that I wanted to be a more sophisticated person than that. But  I never knew how to express my sexual interests, whether they are for a specific person or just the general idea of having a sexual interest in women, in a way that isn't dirty.  I still don't know how I can communicate my romantic interest in someone, especially in a way they'd be comfortable with, and that I would be too.
 

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