Unrequited Love

"Have you ever been in love? Horrible, isn't it?

It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up.

You build up all these defenses.

You build up this whole armor, for years, so nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life.

You give them a piece of you.

They don't ask for it.

They do something dumb one day like kiss you, or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore.

Love takes hostages.

It gets inside you.

It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so a simple phrase like 'Maybe we should just be friends' or 'How very perceptive' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart.

It hurts.

Not just in the imagination.

Not just in the mind.

It's a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain.

Nothing should be able to do that. Especially not love.

I hate love."


~ Rose Walker ("The Kindly Ones") Neil Gaiman

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shells said:

How can you expect her to fathom a relationship where she's self-destructing herself to death?
Hospitalization meaning, outside forces had to intervene so she can sustain living.
She's losing the battle to her eating disorder.
Which probably means she isn't even in the state of mind to consider romance in the first place.

I don't know -- maybe I have no idea what I'm talking about or where I am going with this. But having my own issues with eating disorders on and off for the past eight years, I can understand why a relationship would be the last thing on her mind...

There are times I'd rather cease to exist than to put up with the demons in my head ripping me into pieces everyday. Sometimes I feel like it's only a matter of time... Relationships? lol... Why bother dragging someone, especially someone I cared about, through this hell with me. All they are going to do is have a front-row seat to my own self-destruction. Somehow, that doesn't seem right nor fair... Which is probably why I end pushing most people away, even the ones I care the most about.

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