DeadSun
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- Joined
- Nov 21, 2011
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how do you go on with daily life and trying to be happy if you know that one day you're going to die,and so will everyone else?
if when we die thats the end of our existence,no consciousness,no memories,just the end then isn't everything pointless?if theres no afterlife of some kind and we just stop existing when our brain dies then everything we do in life is pointless,if we're ever happy or in love it will just end one day.doesn't that mean we're all just born to die,and if we have children or a spouse,friends,parents,brothers,sisters they're all just going to die too and we'll never see them ever again.so all existence is pointless,people, animals, insects are all the same and all as meaningless?whats the point in even sleeping, eating, studying, working, doing all the things people do in life you're just going to die and that will be the end of it?isn't it sickening to think no matter what you do at some point you're going to die?that if you and someone you loved bore a child into the world,even your child would inevitably die?and if there's nothing after life and we all just cease to exist then whats the point in living?how do you not think about it,how do you keep doing the things you need to in order to survive and try to be happy or try to make other people happy,if life is just an excersise in futility and all life is just pointless in the end?
i've always thought about things like this,even as a child i remember thinking about how the universe and everything in it could have just come into being.how could something come from nothing?and when there was nothing,it couldn't have even looked like a blank piece of paper,because the color white would in fact be something.and even a colorless black space would in itself be something so how did anything come to exist in the first place?
and if we all know we're going to die and everything is just going to end for us,and it'll be like we never even existed then how do you go on living knowing that?how do you feel any type of motivation,how do you feel anything but sick?
even though I've thought about these things before i haven't always been focused on them.i guess for my other 17 years i've just put it out of mind,thought i wasn't really going to die,or the full realization just didn't grip me so well.whatever the case i guess i was able to put it out of mind and not let it bother me,and focus instead on anything else.
but lately i can't stop thinking about it.when i try to eat something i feel sick.thinking about how pointless it is,how we're no different than animals or insects in the end.i've barely been eating,i've been drinking enough though.and sleeping a lot,it almost seems like i've been spending more time sleeping than awake lately.
and other things come to mind when i think about eating,if its meat or something if feel kind of sick think about eating some greasy chunk of meat that was once an animal,a living thing.but i've never been a vegetarian,or an animal lover or anything.i've never even had a pet.but now its been kind of sickening me to think about.
as well as things like noodles you'd get in some sort of microwaveable thing with powder or some frozen thing.the thought of eating most things makes me feel kind of sick lately.and when i've tried just eating them i feel even sicker after just a few bites.sometimes i feel sick even when i'm not eating or drinking,just made sick by the horrible thoughts of our inescapable reality.although that might also have something to do with not eating much.I've still eaten a bit now and then,and i've been drinking a few glasses of water and orange juice to stay alive,because i'm not suicidal.i want to live and i want other people to live,and the thought of myself and all the people I've ever known and even every person whos ever been born and ever will be born just ceasing to exist is horrible and sickening to me.
i used to laugh a lot,enjoy comedy,play video games,watch tv and movies among other things.but now when i try to watch something funny it just doesn't really bring any enjoyment,and when it involves killing or whatever it just sort of makes me feel worse and i can't even watch it or play it.
and going out and doing things,getting an education and a job and money.i just can't feel motivated to do those things.i know i should go to a job corps meeting on tuesday,wich is held every tuesday or every other and then set an appointment with one of the people there.then go to the appointment and get on the list for it for some sort of job training that will last 1-2 years so i can get a job and that in the months while i wait i should go to this place every weekday and study for a G.E.D.,but when i get all dressed and ready and try to make myself go walk through the cold grey streets and sit on the metal seats or stand on the cold grey cement quietly by myself.whether or not people are near me i'm still alone,i don't know them,i can't really talk to them.just stand around waiting in the painful cold waiting for the big lifeless metal bus plastered in advertisements to come so you can sit or stand inside of it and go to the station,then walk to the building and into the small dark room to sit in front of another computer screen in a room with a handful of people you'll never talk to in the hopes of taking and passing the tests so i can spend more time in job corps working on whichever job skills for a year or two so i can get a job where i'll either sit at a desk and stare at a computer screen all day or some sort of manual labor so i can get money so i can pay rent for an apartment or make payments on a house so i have somewhere to live and buy a car so i can get from my job to my house then back.and doing all of this knowing from the very start that i'm just going to die and my existence will simply cease and it will be no different from never existing.and that it will be the same for everyone else.and that everything we do is just meaningless.when i know that my existence is meaningless and everything i do in this short meaningless existence is of course,without meaning and will in the end amount to nothing i just can't seem to make myself do these things even though i know i should.how do you find any motivation to continue on if you don't have some kind of a belief in an afterlife?
It would actually be much better if i though i were going to some sort of hell for whatever reason,at least then i would still exist,and so would everyone else,and there would be something to life,not just a cease of existence.
and if it matters,I've been lonely a lot for years,never really had a religion,never went to a church,never had much of a family life,no friends or relations of any kind really.i'm 18,nearly 19.dropped out of high school.have no job.i live with my mother whom also has no job and hasn't in years.and i can't really talk to her about anything.no real sense in explaining why,so if anyone does read this please just take my word for it.(I'm only saying this much personal information in the first place on the off chance someone may read this and reply.and this can at least eliminate questions or whatever about jobs or social or family life and the like wich are simply dead ends.)
i wasn't really going anywhere,i was just trying to say some of the things that have been going through my head that i can't help from thinking and can't keep those thoughts from consuming me lately.i've never really made a thread on these forums other than the generic and untelling introductory one.and i find it hard to put these kinds of things down on paper or digital documents,forums,anything written or spoken i guess.and i don't really think typing this all or putting it on these forums will really help but i had to just get it out somehow,it can't make it much worse i suppose.and if anyone would like to talk i would too so please feel free to send me a pm or whatever.i think being alone all the time might make things even worse, and even everything we do is an excersise in futility,i would still prefer it be less agonizing and lonely than it is now.
and please feel free to share and thoughts on the matter of anything I've rambled on about.
if when we die thats the end of our existence,no consciousness,no memories,just the end then isn't everything pointless?if theres no afterlife of some kind and we just stop existing when our brain dies then everything we do in life is pointless,if we're ever happy or in love it will just end one day.doesn't that mean we're all just born to die,and if we have children or a spouse,friends,parents,brothers,sisters they're all just going to die too and we'll never see them ever again.so all existence is pointless,people, animals, insects are all the same and all as meaningless?whats the point in even sleeping, eating, studying, working, doing all the things people do in life you're just going to die and that will be the end of it?isn't it sickening to think no matter what you do at some point you're going to die?that if you and someone you loved bore a child into the world,even your child would inevitably die?and if there's nothing after life and we all just cease to exist then whats the point in living?how do you not think about it,how do you keep doing the things you need to in order to survive and try to be happy or try to make other people happy,if life is just an excersise in futility and all life is just pointless in the end?
i've always thought about things like this,even as a child i remember thinking about how the universe and everything in it could have just come into being.how could something come from nothing?and when there was nothing,it couldn't have even looked like a blank piece of paper,because the color white would in fact be something.and even a colorless black space would in itself be something so how did anything come to exist in the first place?
and if we all know we're going to die and everything is just going to end for us,and it'll be like we never even existed then how do you go on living knowing that?how do you feel any type of motivation,how do you feel anything but sick?
even though I've thought about these things before i haven't always been focused on them.i guess for my other 17 years i've just put it out of mind,thought i wasn't really going to die,or the full realization just didn't grip me so well.whatever the case i guess i was able to put it out of mind and not let it bother me,and focus instead on anything else.
but lately i can't stop thinking about it.when i try to eat something i feel sick.thinking about how pointless it is,how we're no different than animals or insects in the end.i've barely been eating,i've been drinking enough though.and sleeping a lot,it almost seems like i've been spending more time sleeping than awake lately.
and other things come to mind when i think about eating,if its meat or something if feel kind of sick think about eating some greasy chunk of meat that was once an animal,a living thing.but i've never been a vegetarian,or an animal lover or anything.i've never even had a pet.but now its been kind of sickening me to think about.
as well as things like noodles you'd get in some sort of microwaveable thing with powder or some frozen thing.the thought of eating most things makes me feel kind of sick lately.and when i've tried just eating them i feel even sicker after just a few bites.sometimes i feel sick even when i'm not eating or drinking,just made sick by the horrible thoughts of our inescapable reality.although that might also have something to do with not eating much.I've still eaten a bit now and then,and i've been drinking a few glasses of water and orange juice to stay alive,because i'm not suicidal.i want to live and i want other people to live,and the thought of myself and all the people I've ever known and even every person whos ever been born and ever will be born just ceasing to exist is horrible and sickening to me.
i used to laugh a lot,enjoy comedy,play video games,watch tv and movies among other things.but now when i try to watch something funny it just doesn't really bring any enjoyment,and when it involves killing or whatever it just sort of makes me feel worse and i can't even watch it or play it.
and going out and doing things,getting an education and a job and money.i just can't feel motivated to do those things.i know i should go to a job corps meeting on tuesday,wich is held every tuesday or every other and then set an appointment with one of the people there.then go to the appointment and get on the list for it for some sort of job training that will last 1-2 years so i can get a job and that in the months while i wait i should go to this place every weekday and study for a G.E.D.,but when i get all dressed and ready and try to make myself go walk through the cold grey streets and sit on the metal seats or stand on the cold grey cement quietly by myself.whether or not people are near me i'm still alone,i don't know them,i can't really talk to them.just stand around waiting in the painful cold waiting for the big lifeless metal bus plastered in advertisements to come so you can sit or stand inside of it and go to the station,then walk to the building and into the small dark room to sit in front of another computer screen in a room with a handful of people you'll never talk to in the hopes of taking and passing the tests so i can spend more time in job corps working on whichever job skills for a year or two so i can get a job where i'll either sit at a desk and stare at a computer screen all day or some sort of manual labor so i can get money so i can pay rent for an apartment or make payments on a house so i have somewhere to live and buy a car so i can get from my job to my house then back.and doing all of this knowing from the very start that i'm just going to die and my existence will simply cease and it will be no different from never existing.and that it will be the same for everyone else.and that everything we do is just meaningless.when i know that my existence is meaningless and everything i do in this short meaningless existence is of course,without meaning and will in the end amount to nothing i just can't seem to make myself do these things even though i know i should.how do you find any motivation to continue on if you don't have some kind of a belief in an afterlife?
It would actually be much better if i though i were going to some sort of hell for whatever reason,at least then i would still exist,and so would everyone else,and there would be something to life,not just a cease of existence.
and if it matters,I've been lonely a lot for years,never really had a religion,never went to a church,never had much of a family life,no friends or relations of any kind really.i'm 18,nearly 19.dropped out of high school.have no job.i live with my mother whom also has no job and hasn't in years.and i can't really talk to her about anything.no real sense in explaining why,so if anyone does read this please just take my word for it.(I'm only saying this much personal information in the first place on the off chance someone may read this and reply.and this can at least eliminate questions or whatever about jobs or social or family life and the like wich are simply dead ends.)
i wasn't really going anywhere,i was just trying to say some of the things that have been going through my head that i can't help from thinking and can't keep those thoughts from consuming me lately.i've never really made a thread on these forums other than the generic and untelling introductory one.and i find it hard to put these kinds of things down on paper or digital documents,forums,anything written or spoken i guess.and i don't really think typing this all or putting it on these forums will really help but i had to just get it out somehow,it can't make it much worse i suppose.and if anyone would like to talk i would too so please feel free to send me a pm or whatever.i think being alone all the time might make things even worse, and even everything we do is an excersise in futility,i would still prefer it be less agonizing and lonely than it is now.
and please feel free to share and thoughts on the matter of anything I've rambled on about.