Long time since I've been on here

I'm still lonely in a sense, but I don't think about killing myself. These days my wanting to put a knife in myself has turned into me taking careless risks that could get me killed. I'm actually happier like that. I like being carefree & unafraid. I finally got over this person that I was rather in love with. It took more than two years, but I'm happy it happened this way. See everyone had been trying to get me to get over her with anger. They wanted me to get angry at her for leading me on & such. But I couldn't & I honestly didn't want to. She's actually a nice person & I don't want to hate a nice person. The way I finally moved on was much better. It was just time. I started going to more gigs. Not many, but it was definitely a change from me almost never going to any from fear of over stimulation. Not too long ago I decided to randomly go to Austin with a friend simply because I've never been. Just got in the car, didn't even bring anything, & went. There I found myself free from my self esteem issues as I just had no care in the world. I suddenly found myself in demand. Girls & guys all seemed to really be interested in me. I went to this club & lots of people were talking to me. This attractive woman took me with her. Anyway I ended up losing my virginity to her which I really didn't see coming. I didn't even realise she was attracted to me until she randomly kissed me. I'm happy how that worked out as well. Sometimes I feel so empty inside, but it's okay. Simply because these days I've let go of worries, I've let go of caring. I don't think about the future. Everything is only now. Who knows what could happen tomorrow.

I'm glad to hear that you are happier.

It certainly sounds like you are being more social, which is a good thing. Just want you to keep safe though. *hugs*