I'm in love with my best friend but I think she has a boyfriend...

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90sman

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Sorry, but this going to be long...

We've been best friends since we were in the 3rd grade but we've known one another since we were toddlers probably from the time we were 2 or 3 years old. Growing up, we were always very close to one another. We always went to each other's houses, talked on the phone for hours on a daily basis and we were just always together. We even had our first kiss together when were 8 years old.

Ten years later, I still remember the moment of our first kiss like it was yesterday. I was over at her Grandparents' house, we were playing by the front door and she told me to close my eyes. I did, but then I opened them and I saw her leaning towards me. She backed away, then she told me to close my eyes again. So I did, then a few seconds later, I felt her lips on my left cheek. Then I opened my eyes again and we both smiled.

Fast forward to the 8th grade, we sort of grew apart since we didn't share any classes together. But in the 9th and 10th grades, we became close friends again.

Unfortanetly, we grew apart again in the 11th grade. We only messaged occasionally over Facebook. However, due to us not "hanging out", I started missing and thinking about her a lot. Then I fell in love with her in March of 2010.

Earlier this year, she did the whole 'Truth is' thing on Facebook, so I liked it. She wrote on my page "Truth is, we've been best friends forever & I miss talking to you and hanging out with you. We gotta get together one day!"

A couple weeks later, I saw on the Facebook newsfeed that her relationship status had been changed from "single" to "in a relationship". But then a week later, she changed her status back to single.

In July, she wrote to me on Facebook saying "Hey, I'm gonna be down here for another year or two. We need to get together one day. Miss ya!" But we didn't get a chance to see one another as I went out of town and she was busy with work.

In August, just around the time college resumed, she started posting statuses saying that her heart was broken and that she was begging him not to leave her, etc. So, she was apparently going through a breakup. I messaged her, "Hey, are you okay?"
Her: "just hanging in there."
Me: "Well, I've been through this before and it is difficult. But you're a great person. Just realize that you'll get through this."
Her: "Thank you so much. I will, it's just a matter of time. We should hang out though. :)"

A few days later, she deleted the statuses she put up. Then wrote, "hoping this will work out." A few hours later, she wrote up, "so glad you're back in my life again. ♥"

About a month later, she wrote a status saying, "a guy should make a girl happy. I don't think that's too much to ask for." Then she deleted that.

On the first of October, then November and just a few days ago, she put statuses mentioning 6 months with my love, then 7 months for Nov. and then 8 month ♥ just a few days ago.

So, I have no idea about what's going on with her relationship wise. She has no pictures of her boyfriend, she doesn't mention anything about having a boyfriend with exception of the things she mentioned above, and her relationship status is set as single. So when I say there's nothing about her having a boyfriend, there is literally nothing whatsoever. A part of me says she does have a boyfriend and the other part of me says she doesn't. I really don't know what to think.

But I don't know how she feels about me though. She definitely had a crush on me when we were little. She used to kiss me everytime we would see one another, tell me that we were going to get married one day and she used to look at me and smile a lot. She also used to get very jealous whenever I was around other girls. When we were about 10 years old, she told me over the phone "I love you" real fast and hung up. But this was 8 years ago, I don't know if she still feels that way about me. In the 7th grade, I remember when I got sick with the flu, she called me to ask how I was doing and she sounded really worried and concerned about how sick I sounded. She wrote in my yearbook that year that I was a great friend towards her and that she's glad to have a friend like me. During the end of our 10th grade year, she wrote to me, you're really sweet and my best friend. I'm glad that I met you. Maybe we can do something this summer and I hope we have some classes together next year.

It's been a year since we last talked in person. It was on the first day of our senior year in English class. I sat down at a desk and I had a feeling she was going to be in there. I looked at the door, hoping to see her and I finally did. I looked at her and smiled. She saw me, she had a real big smile on her face and rested her head on her hand and arms and looked at me.

I miss her so much that I can barely stand it and it really does make me hurt inside. I think about her all the time and am always wondering how she's doing. The biggest issue with me is admitting my feelings towards her. I want to tell her how I feel about her but I'm afraid to. I'm afraid that she won't feel the same way about me back and our friendship will come to an end or change drastically. We've been friends for all of these years and it would devastate me if something like that were to happen. On the other hand, she might feel the same way about me. She could be wanting to tell me she feels the way I feel about her and is afraid to tell me or is waiting for me to say something.

Now that I think about it, I think she was giving me hints in the past that she liked me but I never caught on to it. But I guess she moved on and got a boyfriend. Now I'm afraid that they'll stay together and get married in a few years. Then I will have really lost her.

She did message me a couple months ago telling me when she had off work and she sounded really eager to hang out with me. And And I do want us to hang out again like old times but I don't know how we can if she has a boyfriend.

I have cried over possibility of us growing apart and leading separate lives. I may meet another woman, but I feel it wouldn't be anything like the connection I've had with my best friend. We've been through a lot together and she has always stayed to my side. As I mentioned earlier, she has done things that really showed she was a true friend and cared about me. I've had a lot of friends come and go but she's stuck as my best friend. And now she's really my only friend.

I do know that I love and care about her a lot. She's been a great friend to me for all of these years and I'm glad to have a friend like her. She's truly a great person and I'm proud of her. I would do anything for her. I want nothing more than for us to be together, get married, have a family of our own and grow old together. But even if we don't, I'll still love her. And I don't mean to sound mushy or corny, but she has a special place in my heart and she always will. She has helped make me into the person that I am today and she's partly the reason I graduated high school as I was considering dropping out.

Now back to the topic... I really don't know what to do.

All of this has been causing me to feel depressed and like I'm in a rut all the time. I feel unhappy and am just putting on a fake smile in front of people. But deep down inside, I feel like crying all the time and I also feel like I don't have anyone to talk to. 

Thanks in advance.
 
Tell her. You can over-analyze status updates and memories all day, but you'll never actually know until you tell her. Judging by her status messages, I would guess she does have a boyfriend and is just too lazy to update her relationship status. Or she's being cautious and doesn't want to update it because she's not sure if it'll last. I know plenty of women who don't put pictures of their boyfriends on their Facebook. Either way, it looks like it's now or never. You might get hurt but at least you'll know, and then the pangs of regret will be over. And then there's the possibility that she might reciprocate those feelings. Please keep us updated.
 
The only solution of your problem is that, tell her your all feelings about her, because if you don't tell her that how can she be aware about your feelings and how could you get relief.
:rolleyes:

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Ah good bump, that was quite a sad sweet story.

In June this year he was still in the same situation. Poor lad, I wonder what became of it all.
 

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