I am so lonely that I am wondering if I should look for a partner to marry based on companionship rather than love, as I don't think that I am loveable because noone has ever fallen in love with me. I am in my 50's and can make friends, so am thinking that maybe a companionship marriage would be better than nothing, though at the same time I might end up feeling short changed and empty emotionally. Does anyone know of anyone who has married for companionship and who is happy with it? Has anyone here ever thought about it, or am I being stupid?
Thank you for your reply. When I write about a marriage based on companionship, it would be a friendship, not a love relationship. Love always includes companionship, but companionship does not always include love. I have started this year to push myself to go out to places where I might meet someone who I would have things in common with, such as discussion groups and reading groups, instead of just relying on online dating. I know you are right to advise me not to give up on love, as in my heart of hearts I would really like to meet someone to love and be loved by.
I wouldnt advise anyone to marry for any other reason than true love. This is someone you are going to spend the rest of your life with, wake up to learn their bad behaviours and manners. Love will be the only thing that will be solid enough to keep that marriage together. Having said that i dont believe that love happens only at first sight. Clearly Hollywood marriages is mostly based on love at first sight basis and most of it fails within a few years if not sooner. I think you could be mildly infatuated with someone and learn to love and be loved and have something stronger than all the bells and whistles associated with the feelings of being inlove. Love is not a feeling but a choice of laying yourself down for the benefit of someone else. Most when this is done the love is reciprocated by the other person. In a nutshell, i dont see it a major problem marrying for companionship as long as you know beyond a shadow of doubt what type of person you are getting involved with. Love can bloom from a marriage like that.
I thought that's what marriage was supposed to be?
There's a critical point, when you've stayed single for too long, where your brain switches from, "No, don't say that" to "Eh, fuck it. Say it. Let's see what happens."
Sometimes in relationships you might think that you should be happy for the little that you are getting. Besides, who else is going to put up with you? That is completely the wrong mindset and instead you should be thinking about the many men/women who would love to be around you.