Marriage for companionship.

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Tiina63

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I am so lonely that I am wondering if I should look for a partner to marry based on companionship rather than love, as I don't think that I am loveable because noone has ever fallen in love with me. I am in my 50's and can make friends, so am thinking that maybe a companionship marriage would be better than nothing, though at the same time I might end up feeling short changed and empty emotionally. Does anyone know of anyone who has married for companionship and who is happy with it? Has anyone here ever thought about it, or am I being stupid?
 
Tiina63 said:
I am so lonely that I am wondering if I should look for a partner to marry based on companionship rather than love, as I don't think that I am loveable because noone has ever fallen in love with me. I am in my 50's and can make friends, so am thinking that maybe a companionship marriage would be better than nothing, though at the same time I might end up feeling short changed and empty emotionally. Does anyone know of anyone who has married for companionship and who is happy with it? Has anyone here ever thought about it, or am I being stupid?

I know people who are partnered but not married (my aunt and her partner), but no one who is married for companionship.

Surely love is companionship? There's sexual attraction, obviously, but I think that can come with simply realising that you really like spending time with someone. Spending time with someone + attraction = love?

I'd advise you to not give up looking for love. As a younger person with a different gender I can't really understand the waiting for love to happen thing so well, but perhaps you need to simply "get out there" more and make it happen?

I'm sure if you start taking active interest in a man you feel attraction to in some way that it will be reciprocated eventually :)

Good luck!
 
Thank you for your reply. When I write about a marriage based on companionship, it would be a friendship, not a love relationship. Love always includes companionship, but companionship does not always include love. I have started this year to push myself to go out to places where I might meet someone who I would have things in common with, such as discussion groups and reading groups, instead of just relying on online dating. I know you are right to advise me not to give up on love, as in my heart of hearts I would really like to meet someone to love and be loved by.
 
I wouldnt advise anyone to marry for any other reason than true love. This is someone you are going to spend the rest of your life with, wake up to learn their bad behaviours and manners. Love will be the only thing that will be solid enough to keep that marriage together. Having said that i dont believe that love happens only at first sight. Clearly Hollywood marriages is mostly based on love at first sight basis and most of it fails within a few years if not sooner. I think you could be mildly infatuated with someone and learn to love and be loved and have something stronger than all the bells and whistles associated with the feelings of being inlove. Love is not a feeling but a choice of laying yourself down for the benefit of someone else. Most when this is done the love is reciprocated by the other person. In a nutshell, i dont see it a major problem marrying for companionship as long as you know beyond a shadow of doubt what type of person you are getting involved with. Love can bloom from a marriage like that.
 
Tina~ I don't think that is a bad idea at all! Why not? It would be nice to have a man to go out with, socialize with, what have you.

I don't think that is a bad idea. Besides, in your age group, that is often what men are looking for.

Tiina63 said:
I am so lonely that I am wondering if I should look for a partner to marry based on companionship rather than love, as I don't think that I am loveable because noone has ever fallen in love with me. I am in my 50's and can make friends, so am thinking that maybe a companionship marriage would be better than nothing, though at the same time I might end up feeling short changed and empty emotionally. Does anyone know of anyone who has married for companionship and who is happy with it? Has anyone here ever thought about it, or am I being stupid?

 
Why not?



Seriously.

Other than a bunch of moral mumbo jumbo people like to throw at the subject I can't think of any real negatives. Companionship is just as important as 'love' at any point in a person's life.

I'm in my twenties and wouldn't enjoy anything more than someone to keep me company and journey with me the rest of my days. If I fall in love with her than even better.


Of course being so young you can take whatever I say with a grain of salt. :p

Best of luck whichever path you choose.
 
I am single and available for this experiment.
biggrin.gif
 
Sometimes in relationships you might think that you should be happy for the little that you are getting. Besides, who else is going to put up with you? That is completely the wrong mindset and instead you should be thinking about the many men/women who would love to be around you.
 
Yes! Yes! Yes! a PARTNERSHIP is a FANTASTIC idea!!! at least BOTH folks involved are geared towards the same things.

Being married? a big NO NO! being married is so final... ... and for most part DREADFUL!

My mommy told me one time.. in a marriage they say it is 50/50-- but whoever said that told a big fat LIE!
Marriage is 90% woman and 10% men (sorry fellas.) but tis true.

bottom line :
Marriage equals = funeral
Partnership equals =FUN!
 
If the other marriage partner is OK with simply being a companion, I don't think it's the best idea but it isn't so bad either. I think marriage is just a legal accessory to whatever you choose to make of it. It could be for love, to hide a pregnancy, because your parents told you to...the whole "marriage is for two people in love only" is a relatively new concept and not one that holds much weight in the real world anyway.

That being said, it sounds a lot like desperation. Like "I will never find true friends otherwise, so this is my last ditch effort to make one," and that is never healthy. Please accept my apologies if I've misjudged, but if you're marrying for companionship because you feel as if you have no other options left, I think you're sort of throwing in the towel to finding romantic love and friendship in other less drastic ways.

TL;DR, there's nothing morally wrong with marriage for companionship, but would it really "do the trick" in your situation?
 
Hi Tiina,

I recently saw a situation like the one you asked about explode. They weren't legally married but did pool their resources, retired together, lived together, etc. The male in the relationship got it into his head that he was missing out on something at 65 and started looking at dating sites, etc. He ended up making a "connection" with someone allegedly half his age who was going to come to Canada to be with him. Long story short it was a scam, he was taken for about $3500.00 Canadian, and he totally destroyed the relationship he was in at the time. They still live together but it's not a companionship thing anymore (neither can afford to buy the other out and move on), it's a hostile environment that's difficult to be around.

I don't think a companionship situation would be enough for me personally.
 
I have nontraditional views on relationships and that's all love is to me, an empathetic and mature commitment to be there for someone and an expectation that they will do the same in return, like family. The sexual details don't matter much to me, lust fades, romantic love fades, Hollywood ideals of a perfect marriage aren't an accurate depiction of reality. People abandon their partners for "better" ones who are sexier or richer or funner because our society practices serial monogamy based on emotion and it leads to unhappiness.
 
To be honest, I am thinking about it because, as sylvestris lyica says, I am worried that I might never find love. I would love to share my life in a loving relationship, but don't know if this will ever happen, so I am thinking that companionship might be the only option.
 
I'm so confused. What else are people getting married for if not companionship? Is there something else marriage is supposed to be done for that I'm missing out on?
 
kamya said:
I'm so confused. What else are people getting married for if not companionship? Is there something else marriage is supposed to be done for that I'm missing out on?

For a sex partner that doesn't give you STDs! For Kids! For financial security! For an alliance among aristocratic houses!
 

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