Romance with personality disorders...can it happen?

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roguewave

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Yes. I have a personality disorder.
No. I'm not going to kill/stalk/manipulate/use you.

But no one believes me.

It seems that if you have a personality disorder (mine happens to be avoidant personality) and you are honest about it, people are terrified of you.

Why?
 
roguewave said:
Yes. I have a personality disorder.
No. I'm not going to kill/stalk/manipulate/use you.

But no one believes me.

It seems that if you have a personality disorder (mine happens to be avoidant personality) and you are honest about it, people are terrified of you.

Why?

Well, now I am an EXPERT on this subject.. as I am Bi-polar, Borderline, and severe anxiety issues, on top of having a BUGG phobia! haha
Soooo when I meet someone, it's not like the first thing that comes out of my mouth, but if it does come up, I am not ashamed to talk about it, it is just me, and I have come to accept it about myself.. and if whom I am speaking with can't or will not accept me just for what it is, then screw them in the bunghole!!
OOh the joys of being fked up in the head :)

 
Blame Hollywood for that, they love to make people who have personality disorders weird, crazy, stalkers, or crazed killers. They are always wacky. A lot of people can't separate the different disorders there are out there. All they understand is that you have a personality disorder, so what clicks in their mind is this misconceived notion that has been forced upon us by Hollywood.
 
Nolife Princess said:
roguewave said:
Yes. I have a personality disorder.
No. I'm not going to kill/stalk/manipulate/use you.

But no one believes me.

It seems that if you have a personality disorder (mine happens to be avoidant personality) and you are honest about it, people are terrified of you.

Why?

Well, now I am an EXPERT on this subject.. as I am Bi-polar, Borderline, and severe anxiety issues, on top of having a BUGG phobia! haha
Soooo when I meet someone, it's not like the first thing that comes out of my mouth, but if it does come up, I am not ashamed to talk about it, it is just me, and I have come to accept it about myself.. and if whom I am speaking with can't or will not accept me just for what it is, then screw them in the bunghole!!
OOh the joys of being fked up in the head :)

I have a yellowjacket phobia :eek:

That's cool you let it roll off your back if people don't accept you for you.
I should make it clear that I don't go around telling aquaintances about being avoidant, just RL people I'm close to and romantically interested in. But it freaks them out. I am not a freak of nature, I swearz.

People don't even know I have "issues" unless I tell them (or unless my blushing problem is really bad). Maybe it's the shock for them that I manage to compose myself so well and then it's like, BAM...weirdo.

Sci-Fi said:
Blame Hollywood for that, they love to make people who have personality disorders weird, crazy, stalkers, or crazed killers. They are always wacky. A lot of people can't separate the different disorders there are out there. All they understand is that you have a personality disorder, so what clicks in their mind is this misconceived notion that has been forced upon us by Hollywood.

Ugh. It has been so played out in film.
 
People are terrified of the unknown.

And I doubt the majority of the people take time to understand/learn about not only Personality Disorder, but several other mental illnesses as well.
 
i wouldnt care.
all people are strange to me.
takes some time getting used to someone and a little adjusting maybe.
all the same to me really, its just part of the person.
i might even look like the "normal" one for a change.

i guess if you know nothing about it it just sounds scary.
"ooh you have a personality disorder, thats bad isnt it. oo im a little scared of you now."
just a lack of knowledge.
says more about them than you really.
 
paulo said:
i wouldnt care.
all people are strange to me.
takes some time getting used to someone and a little adjusting maybe.
all the same to me really, its just part of the person.
i might even look like the "normal" one for a change.

i guess if you know nothing about it it just sounds scary.
"ooh you have a personality disorder, thats bad isnt it. oo im a little scared of you now."
just a lack of knowledge.
says more about them than you really.
Lmao
xactly how i feel

 
avoidant. that's not so bad I don't think. :) one of my friends here is avoidant and he's such a lovely lovely lovely person.



 
You want the truth?

BAGGAGE.

No matter how much you want it to be otherwise, people will see these things as being baggage that someone brings to a relationship. Why would I want to complicate things when I'm looking for a potential mate? If I had to choose between a woman WITH a personality disorder and one WITHOUT (all other variables held constant), I would choose the one WITHOUT. It's that simple.

No offense to you personally. That's just how things work.

People aren't going to want to deal with extra considerations like a personality disorder unless there are other things that CLEARLY make it worth the effort... whatever those other things might be. If you're extremely sexy, for instance, someone might be willing to overlook a personality disorder. *shrug*

I dunno, I can't speak for everyone here.

But this is the simple truth in how these things are perceived by many people.
 
i prefr 2 call thngs like these "personality DIFFERENCES" instead of personality disordrs
every person on this planet has their "quirks"
havng a label/name 4 it doesnt make it ne worse
shrugs
 
Badjedidude said:
You want the truth?

BAGGAGE.

No matter how much you want it to be otherwise, people will see these things as being baggage that someone brings to a relationship. Why would I want to complicate things when I'm looking for a potential mate? If I had to choose between a woman WITH a personality disorder and one WITHOUT (all other variables held constant), I would choose the one WITHOUT. It's that simple.

No offense to you personally. That's just how things work.

People aren't going to want to deal with extra considerations like a personality disorder unless there are other things that CLEARLY make it worth the effort... whatever those other things might be. If you're extremely sexy, for instance, someone might be willing to overlook a personality disorder. *shrug*

I dunno, I can't speak for everyone here.

But this is the simple truth in how these things are perceived by many people.

yep. sums up what i think as well.
 
Badjedidude said:
You want the truth?

BAGGAGE.

No matter how much you want it to be otherwise, people will see these things as being baggage that someone brings to a relationship. Why would I want to complicate things when I'm looking for a potential mate? If I had to choose between a woman WITH a personality disorder and one WITHOUT (all other variables held constant), I would choose the one WITHOUT. It's that simple.

I'm not sure if everyone perceives a 'disorder' in the same way, though. I like quiet, shy girls who could often be called sociophobic, but that makes me more comfortable with her - its a lot more comfortable than someone who's gregarious and I can be a lot less paranoid of her cheating on me, too.
 
there is abit of a spectrum between shyness and a personality disorder, though.
 
ofc there is Baggage.
everybody has some.
if thats a reason not to get into a relationship you`ll be alone forever.

you dont get to choose a persone`s background, history or mental state.
unless your dating twins the choise between the "good" one and the "bad" one isnt gonne be there.
when you meet someone you like em or you dont.
passing on something that might have been a good thing because there are some problems you need to consider seems quite shallow and lazy really.
every relationship takes a little effort and consideration.
if it takes more than you can handle than i can see it becoming a problem.
 
I'm not convinced that there is a link between personality/mood disorders and excess baggage. Maybe it is true for some people, but I don't carry around a lot of baggage. To carry around the burdens of ones past is simply too much work, for nearly nothing in return.

I would say that a relationship with anyone afflicted by mental health issues is more about understanding quirks in the here and now, rather than grooming through their past.
 
Me too.

@OP

You don't have to tell your friends, or people in general, that you have a personality disorder. Why would you tell them in the first place, even if it's true?!
 
iris said:
Me too.

@OP

You don't have to tell your friends, or people in general, that you have a personality disorder. Why would you tell them in the first place, even if it's true?!

I already stated here that I only tell people in real life who I am exceedingly close to or romantic relationships that have blossomed. In a romantic relationship or intimate friendship I believe in honesty.
 
IMHO, it's a mistake. No matter how close they are to you, they don't have to know absolutely everything about you. I don't tell my closest friends everything...
Fwiw, I prefer to tell dark things about me to people I don't know IRL, like on this forum for instance. The people you don't know IRL and you don't care about can't hurt you. For example, I related my recent past (including my mental health issues) to the user beans, who wanted to PM me at first, but then she stopped replying to me. I couldn't care less...
 
But a personality disorder is distinct enough so that loved ones *know* that there is something slightly amiss about you. And if they care, they will want to know what that thing is, no? I would say that if people are not picking up on something that it was a misdiagnosis.
 

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