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Romance with personality disorders...can it happen?
#21
Hmm as I think one person summed up perfectly (to my heart sinking) as soon as you tell people you will be seen as a problem not a PERSON.

Its your call but I think telling people shows strength and at least you know you were honest and that the other person has the problem.
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#22
(12-18-2011, 07:42 AM)annik Wrote: Hmm as I think one person summed up perfectly (to my heart sinking) as soon as you tell people you will be seen as a problem not a PERSON.

Its your call but I think telling people shows strength and at least you know you were honest and that the other person has the problem.

Thank you annik. Your response means a lot to me. I strive to be an honest person and not lie to those I am closest to.
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#23
I tell some and a majority want no part of it. Thinking something extra is required to be my friend or know me.

Then someone stays and promises to be there even after you warn them how bad things get. Bad gets worse and they leave.

Romance happens. Then you want to forget it.

~How doth the little crocodile
Improve his shining tail,
And pour the waters of the Nile
On every golden scale!

How cheerfully he seems to grin,
How neatly spreads his claws,
And welcomes little fishes in
With gently smiling jaws!~
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#24
(12-15-2011, 06:42 PM)IgnoredOne Wrote:
(12-15-2011, 05:04 PM)Badjedidude Wrote: You want the truth?

BAGGAGE.

No matter how much you want it to be otherwise, people will see these things as being baggage that someone brings to a relationship. Why would I want to complicate things when I'm looking for a potential mate? If I had to choose between a woman WITH a personality disorder and one WITHOUT (all other variables held constant), I would choose the one WITHOUT. It's that simple.

I'm not sure if everyone perceives a 'disorder' in the same way, though. I like quiet, shy girls who could often be called sociophobic, but that makes me more comfortable with her - its a lot more comfortable than someone who's gregarious and I can be a lot less paranoid of her cheating on me, too.

Ditto. I like shy girls too. Maybe it's because I'm shy too. Shy people just seems so much more honest and genuine to me. Probably because shyness is pretty universally seen as a weakness, I think it takes a lot of humanness to be shy (and thus to be perceived as weak and vulnerable) by the world at large. I like to see people be vulnerable because that is how I learn to trust them.

I don't even know if this is normal, but when I meet new people for the first time, and they seem to be really confident and happy and talkative, I like to ignore them. Big Grin I know it's kind of rude, but that's why I'm compelled to do it. I want to see they are emotional beings, capable of being hurt, feeling pain, etc. Then when I see them starting to get uncomfortable and bothered around me, I feel a little better about opening up to them. I must admit, this first-time impression that I make on people probably doesn't help my social or romantic life very much.

I honestly only feel like the people who I really can relate to are people who also have emotional baggage. People who act too happy and come from perfect, functional families just don't do it for me. Inevitably, they have no idea what growing up in an emotionally barren house is like, why it is painful, or what kind of lasting effects it can have on a person. But somebody who also has emotional issues is probably going to have a much easier time understanding my issues and and thus understanding me better.

Do I have baggage? Oh, you betcha! Toungue
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#25
There's baggage and then there's BAGGAGE.

I'm not making an argument for myself, here, guys.

You cannot argue that there's no stigma with personality disorders, which makes them seem like HEAVIER baggage than something like... say... a single mother with a child. That child is "baggage" in the context of a relationship, too. Doesn't make it BAD. Just... heavy.

Bearing the burden of a personality WOULD be heavy for a mate.

You can't deny that. And that's the way that a lot of (if not most) people will see this issue.

Just not worth it in many's eyes.
"Before you judge someone, try walking in their shoes for a mile. That way, when you judge them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes."

My porn name: Toothpaste Jackhammer.

A bad Jedi dude
Combs the forums endlessly
Master spam spotter

---minty


There are 10 types of people. Those who understand binary and those who don't.

Founding member of DO-IT (Department of Orgasmic Intervention Tactics)

"Man's Inhumanity To Man
Makes Countless Thousands Mourn."


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#26
For those who may need a hug in this thread, here is one for you:

[Image: hugs_002.gif#hugs]
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#27
(12-19-2011, 05:37 AM)Badjedidude Wrote: There's baggage and then there's BAGGAGE.

I'm not making an argument for myself, here, guys.

You cannot argue that there's no stigma with personality disorders, which makes them seem like HEAVIER baggage than something like... say... a single mother with a child. That child is "baggage" in the context of a relationship, too. Doesn't make it BAD. Just... heavy.

Bearing the burden of a personality WOULD be heavy for a mate.

Complete and utter disagreement, sorry. A mother with a child has 'real' baggage including actual financial costs of the child, more likely than not; unless extreme such as schitzophrenia, I don't think that most personality disorders have anywhere close to the same degree of stigma.

"My girlfriend is a bit bipolar/mental" is accepted with a meh, more often than not; "my girlfriend has a child from another man" is likely to be much bigger deal in my experience.

And on top of that, quite a few things which are now considered as personality disorders are often seen as traditionally attractive in women: shyness, reserve, modesty, passivity, meekness, etc.

So no; the fact that those certain traits often make someone look /more/ attractive to many quite distinguishes it in essence away from something like, "my girlfriend has a stump for an arm." It becomes much more of a preference thing, akin to, "She's 5'0" and tiny."
"The True Gentleman is the man whose conduct proceeds from good will and an acute sense of propriety, and whose self-control is equal to all emergencies; who does not make the poor man conscious of his poverty, the obscure man of his obscurity, or any man of his inferiority or deformity...a man with whom honor is sacred and virtue safe."

John Walter Wayland

“When you can't cheat the game, you'd best find a means to cheat the players.”

Scott Lynch, Red Seas Under Red Skies

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#28
IgnoredOne Wrote:Complete and utter disagreement, sorry. A mother with a child has 'real' baggage including actual financial costs of the child, more likely than not; unless extreme such as schitzophrenia, I don't think that most personality disorders have anywhere close to the same degree of stigma.

"My girlfriend is a bit bipolar/mental" is accepted with a meh, more often than not; "my girlfriend has a child from another man" is likely to be much bigger deal in my experience.

I'm sure it varies widely depending on region, age-cohort, etc.

I've only really personally (direct experience, etc) seen people viewing it and discussing it (personality disorder) as a dark, hidden, tragic, heavy thing... at least in the context of considering a potential mate. Maybe not worse than the responsibilities of taking care of a stepchild, but certainly on the same level with it.

Like I said... perceptions of it will probably vary depending on a lot of factors.

People who do have personality disorders might just want to try to seek out those places where it's not quite considered to be a witch-spell cast on them by Satan. Toungue
"Before you judge someone, try walking in their shoes for a mile. That way, when you judge them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes."

My porn name: Toothpaste Jackhammer.

A bad Jedi dude
Combs the forums endlessly
Master spam spotter

---minty


There are 10 types of people. Those who understand binary and those who don't.

Founding member of DO-IT (Department of Orgasmic Intervention Tactics)

"Man's Inhumanity To Man
Makes Countless Thousands Mourn."


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#29
(12-15-2011, 02:37 AM)roguewave Wrote: Yes. I have a personality disorder.
No. I'm not going to kill/stalk/manipulate/use you.

But no one believes me.

It seems that if you have a personality disorder (mine happens to be avoidant personality) and you are honest about it, people are terrified of you.

Why?

Keeps "them" in a safe place. Gives them a confined structure. a "college" word to use that is usually wrong.

If people don't understand something they have to label it.

I have been doing metaphysical healing for 3 years now and have discovered a lot of things. I don't take any prescriptions...people want you to take prescriptions because "THEY" don't want to grow. that's their "fix" - "take this, I don't have time to listen".

Tom Cruise had a great interview with Matt Lauer on this topic. He is Christian Science. He believes that people don't want to do the research. And the only way to further discover better ways to heal is to keep doing the research (isn't that what we are suppose to do...life does not fit in a pretty little "college" word box). God meant for us to discover and keep discovering didn't he? I believe in some deep stuff that is working. I've watched demons be pulled out of people amongst a group of 50 onlookers. There are some really good books on the topic. Metaphysics gets into deeper and has solved it many times. I watched an elderly couple in their 80's that had brain lesions that the Mayo could not heal, but that a profound newly developed non-md tesla machine cure. md's get mad when that stuff comes out.
I've used the tesla vioilet ray that edgar cayce recommended in 900 readings out of his 14,000 patients and healed my brother's plantar fasciitis with. my family is a bunch of phd's and if you use metaphysics to heal with they freak out. the couple that healed their brain lesions is on the board of a multi-million dollar museum..quite talented people. doctor's couldn't solve their problem. now that machine is in america and 2 other big countries being used (canada and uk..the u.s. army bought one, harvard bought one and stanford to do studies on since that couple healed and the mayo alerted them.)

Blessings....it's not a dis-order...it's a gift to discover new things.
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