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Zomblover

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Hi, my name is Autumn. I found this site while typing in I'm married but I feel so alone.
And as I'm sure that there are hundreds if not thousands of these posts on here, I thought that there maybe others who can help me with my current situation, if not, then relate... Well here it goes.
My husband and I have been married for 4 years now. Oh where to go with this.... I recently told him that I needed a break from US because I felt alone in the relationship. That he didn't care about me and what I had to say, I think that the thing that pushed me over the edge is that twice he called me useless. The first time he didn't apologize for three days and the second he said that he didn't mean it. So I told him that I just need some time to think things over.
Well... I'm not sure if you know how hard it is to get away from your husband when you really have no where else to go. My sister lives an hour from me, which makes it a pain in the ass to stay with her because of work and gas, not to mention that she has a two year old running around and I'd be on the couch.
So our "break" if you can call it that has been nothing different from what we usually do, we sleep in the same bed. I mean, we already spend no time together. I would be in here (my office) and him out playing games on his PS3 or too busy watching TV to notice me.
What we currently have for communication, and have had for about the past year is he comes home from work (he works later then I do) comes in and say "Hi, how was your day." the normal answer is "fine, you?" then he tells me that his was the same, then leaves my office. Seriously, that's it. and the "I love you" In the morning.
Weekends are no different. For about the past two months I've been going out with friends because he doesn't want to do anything then either. Here's where the problem I have comes in. I recently started hanging out with a friend that I used to work with at another job. He just told me that he used to have a thing for me back when we worked together and that he still likes me like that. I never really thought of him like that before, but now that it's put right in front of me I can picture starting something with him. I was with him at his house the other day and out of no where he kissed me. Eventually we started making out, but didn't go any further. I have to say... I'm truly into him.
NOW here's the even more messed up thing and most of you will probably want to kick my ass, but here it goes... He's engaged. Yup... What the F*ck do I do here? I mean we'll hang out before his fiance gets home, then I'll leave, but he'll be txting me, even with her there, telling me that he wishes that I didn't leave. I mean, I know that if we ever by any chance did end up together that I could never really trust him 100% because of what he's doing now... Not to mention that I feel like he's using me...
I want to know what I should do about my husband. He doesn't want me to leave him. But I already feel alone even when we're together. I don't know if it's really even worth fighting for. I've told him why I'm not happy and he wont do anything to change it. He just came in here and asked me for literally the 10th time what's wrong and how can he fix it. I told him that I'm done telling him because he clearly isn't listening. It's not like I can tell him, "No more games, no more ignoring me...." ya know? He's 26, He should be able to think of these things on his own, I'm not his mother, nor did I sign up to be.
I know that I maybe coming off as a ***** here, but after you get married and your husband says "I don't do those things anymore because I don't need to impress you." It kind of takes a toll on you.
Any advice?
 
The two of you should see a marriage counselor. If he refuses, after ample time is given for him to decide, see a divorce attorney. Clearly the two of you aren't able to work things out on your own. But don't toss away your marriage unless you try the counselor first. Just my opinion.

Ive been in your shoes. It sucks - Im sorry you're going through that.
 
The guy friend of yours sounds like bad news. Real bad news... cheating on his soon to be, and kissing a married woman. He might even be with other people on the side. Not to be trusted. As for your marriage, I hope that you two can work this out and I agree with above poster about marriage counseling. It is true that after marriage, things do slow down and the excitement can be lost easily. Even with the "perfect" husband or wife. (Which, does not exist anyway).
 
Go to marriage counseling and try to fix your marriage before throwing it all away on some random guy that happens to be engaged already. It's just as much your fault as it is his fault that your marriage is failing. Take responsibility. Don't just go out and cheat on your husband.

I mean, I know that if we ever by any chance did end up together that I could never really trust him 100% because of what he's doing now...
He's doing the same exact thing you are doing btw...
 
Hi Autumn,

Story of 'some' of us here lives.

Marriage=Funeral

The moment you get married, is the very moment you die!
*hug* to you, as my heart goes out to all those married, and lonely people.

Feel free to PM me if ya like.
:)
 
hi autumn. I am sorry you are in that kind of situation. I've heard a lot of marriages fail cos the moment they become married couple, they stop being lovers. I don't think marriage is a doom system because a lot of couples are still together and in love even in their 70's, just that we live in an instant gratification world where in our attention span for working on things to get what we want is becoming shorter. But it's just a universal culture, our self is still our own decision.

you married your husband, so surely at a certain point in your life, you loved him or might still love him. But if your marriage is becoming a poison for your growth, then it's a decision you have to make for yourself. I agree with marriage counseling. Sometimes, we make decisions so hastily base on what we feel. but feelings are so deceiving. You are upset and angry at your husband for not doing his part on the marriage. your anger might cloud your real feelings from him, if there's still any. If not, then you have to move on...for yourself and not for others.

Also, it's easy to feel attracted to someone when you're lonely. But you have to ask yourself if you are really attracted to this kind of person (your friend) knowing of his willingness to cheat and his being untrustworthy (wth is he even doing to his fiance???) I am sure, both of you know what you are doing and how it can hurt people who doesn't deserve to be hurt. Your husband is not giving you the attention you deserve as his wife, but does he deserve a cheating wife? surely your friend's fiance doesn't deserve a cheating soon to be husband as well.

Don't let your immediate emotions hinder you in doing the right thing. Listen to yourself first. Figure out what you truly want out of your life and the kind of person that you want to become. That's one of the first steps in achieving happiness or at least, a sense of peace.

It's hard to live with difficult people, it's even harder to live with yourself in guilt.

I hope you can get out of your situation and become happy with your life. You deserve to be happy.
 
......"it's harder to live with yourself in guilt".

Well said and so true- this I've experienced.

O.P., your "friend" is no friend. If you can live with both the guilt and the feeling of being used should you allow him to pursue you then carry on as you currently are. If you want to retain some dignity and self respect you need to ditch him fast.

As for your husband, you really need to be honest with yourself when you ask the question "am I better off with him or without him"? Make your next move from there.

Wishing you luck:)
 

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