Afraid to ask her, but dying to know.

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Nuclear666

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Alright, I'll just get right to it. So there's this girl right, just got out of a relationship about 2 months ago. Well, I've kinda had my eye on her for a while so I used the opportunity to get closer to her. Been texting pretty regularly now and we've hung out a few times together. Anyways, I've been developing some feelings for her and I seem to be stuck in a bit of a dilemma. You see, the past few days I've been dying to ask her out but I'm afraid of the rejection (not that I would normally fear rejection, its just that I haven't quite had these feelings in a long time and getting shot down now would really hurt, especially at this time in my life). But also, other than just being rejected, I fear that, if she did turn me down, it would make things between us very awkward. I've been trying to look out for any kind of signs but I feel that I'm getting mixed messages. At times I'm totally sure that she has an interest in me, but at other times she seems distant. I kinda feel like I should wait it out a bit to make sure, but I also feel that the more time I wait she might think I'm not interested or she'll find someone else. I'm a naturally indecisive person so that doesn't help at all. I just really don't know what to do in this situation.
 
There's another thing too. She just got out of a relationship, not that long ago. Even if she did reject you it might be because she's still getting over the last one. Knowing when the right time though depends on the person, how long she was in her last relationship, how long it takes her to get over him, and when she's ready for another one.

Why do people never think of this? I'm not saying just you, this isn't the first thread I've seen on the same subject where no one mentions what I've said above.

You don't want to miss out on your chance, you don't want to be rejected (which if you have that fear then don't even bother, seriously everyone gets rejected and we have to learn how to deal with it) but you also don't want to end up being the "rebound" guy if she decides to jump into another relationship.
 
Well, I know for a fact that she's over him already. A little resentment, even. That was also another concern of mine, if she's ready, or even willing, for another relationship. Anyways, my instinct is telling me to go for it soon but whenever I get the impulse I almost immediately second guess myself. I kinda feel like there should be a right time and then I would know, but I've also been advised that that's just bullshit and if I think its worth going for then I might as well do it now.
 
If she's really over him, then yes go for it. You're probably "chickening out" :)D) because of nerves, you are so afraid of being rejected and losing her friendship. My brother had (still does if you ask me) a huge crush on a friend of his in high school. He asked her out, she didn't want to date him because he was one of the first friends she made when transferring to our school. She didn't want to lose that. They remained and still are friends.

You can try to approach it cautiously, tell her that you have feelings for her that are starting to go beyond friends and would like to know where she is at.
 
I think you should let her know your feelings, but try to be careful about it. If you wait too long, you'll be in the friend zone, and it's always tricky to get out of that. Let her know you have stronger emotions, but that you're still prepared to be friends if she doesn't.
 
nerdygirl said:
I think you should let her know your feelings, but try to be careful about it. If you wait too long, you'll be in the friend zone, and it's always tricky to get out of that. Let her know you have stronger emotions, but that you're still prepared to be friends if she doesn't.

+1. If it doesn't work out try not to stress too much (although you probably will). There are plenty of other women in the world who, no offence, are a far better match for you.

Another thing I do is to always be "flirty" with girls in general, regardless of my attraction to them. Its fun (and try to make it harmless, you don't want to hurt someones feelings, albeit, no offence, many women are masters at this) and you learn a lot.
 

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