I feel invisible to the people I really care about, I mean they see the outward me not the inner me. No one really knows who I am no matter how hard I try to show them.
But as for the general 'invisibilityness', that's not really my problem My problem is I stand out too much. I'm a Filipina and I don't really look like one plus I'm tall too, it doesn't help that I have a unique and very strong character as well (very individualistic whereas I'm in a community-centered environment). I want to shirk away as much as possible but cant, people notice me immediately, and no hiding can shun them away. I get so stressed sometimes with people, I put them in 2 categories:
- they admire me (I'm afraid that when they find out who I really am, they'll shun me and spread wild rumors about me. They're also the type I can't ever convince I have problems, as they'll think I have no right to complain compared to their problems.)
- they loath me (These are people who will either pretend to be my friend or just bully me right off the bat, any insecurities of flaw that I may have, they would just be too eager to jump and pile on it even more and laugh at my face!).
I like being different, there's no doubt about it but at the same time, if you're the only one who's different, it can be very lonesome and affect your self-esteem as well.