What are you thinking right now?

I think everything that's been going on with me lately makes it way more easier to suddenly change moods. I feel so ******* bi-polar. It's always triggered though and never random.

I suppose I'm expressing myself either too strongly or on a different wave length than most people these days. I'm feeling lost, invisible, and like some kind of outcast again after feeling found, seen, and included not even 24 hours ago...
This is precisely why I sometimes have to limit myself (which I hate since I always advocate the opposite with people...), or else I won't stop or I'll come on too strong for some people to handle and it turns them off with how long I want to continue to engage. My mental highs last a long time and for it to suddenly end abruptly when I thought it was wanted, I will question what I did wrong and my insecurities come right back with vengeance.

I just don't do well alone... I will continue to think the worst whenever I'm left alone for too long. Yet I want to be alone at times. Like right now, I just want to lay in bed, ignore everyone, and not do honeysuckle but dwell in my own self-pity. All because ironically, I am actually over-thinking honeysuckle again.

So, it's time I try turning off my brain by putting myself into a stronger state of depression. More thinking and remembering only gives the potential of having even worse feelings. So, sometimes I'd rather be numb or distract myself with self-pity inside my own miserable bubble instead.

Mom's dog is missing, for about fifteen hours now. I hope someone picked her up and she's not just wandering around... Or worse.

Just... please please please please please let it work out.

My mom has her dog again! It's going to be a good day.

I dont think he likes me ...Move on its ok....

I wish to be dead.

God!!  how  do  ya  know?  ya  think  ya  know,  ya  know!!!  you  deny!!!,  then  you  just  excuse  fer a  feeling,  just  drunk  but hes there  ya  think!!  whats   all thav about?@?

Well, I guess I do a few more loads of laundry today and call it quits until Monday. It's going to be too **** hot to run the dryer.

Disappointed

I wish there was a way I could contact you outside of here... I hope you're okay. I'm so sorry all of this has happened...

I'm thinking I'd like to take up time travel...

ZombieTurtle said:

I'm thinking I'd like to take up time travel...

Click to expand...

But what about the butterfly effect?  

OMG, it's a zombieturtle :club:

Is it in fact people who disappoint me or am I just disappointed in myself..

I can't be the only one missing the big man...really hope he's ok.

Actually. Sorry, not sorry, about expecting the same I give in return. And now I've got people dissecting the actual 'worst' of me and using it as a basis of their own views. This sensitive and pathetic depressed man has already gotten more insecurity in one day than I can honestly take. I don't belong and the more I show of myself the more I leave myself open to being misunderstood rather than understood and in fact inadvertently labeled. Confusing finding someone trying to figure out who they are and be a better person as someone under-developed and clinging onto a test and traits when it was only  used as a  compass. My problem is I've developed too much too fast to handle anymore and I am looking for any compass I can find that helps filter it all.... It's a giant mess up there right now and this place just gets me more lost instead. So, I'm not fighting my strong runaway instincts and just getting outta here before I make things even more worse for myself.

Okay okay, I'm going to go return that email I haven't replied to in a month or two. She's already paranoid enough, I don't need to make it worse, even if my grandma told her I'm extremely busy and haven't had time. lol

Yay! I've been upgraded from 'junior member' to 'member'!   \o/

Siku said:

Actually. Sorry, not sorry, about expecting the same I give in return. And now I've got people dissecting the actual 'worst' of me and using it as a basis of their own views. This sensitive and pathetic depressed man has already gotten more insecurity in one day than I can honestly take. I don't belong and the more I show of myself the more I leave myself open to being misunderstood rather than understood and in fact inadvertently labeled. Confusing finding someone trying to figure out who they are and be a better person as someone under-developed and clinging onto a test and traits when it was only  used as a  compass. My problem is I've developed too much too fast to handle anymore and I am looking for any compass I can find that helps filter it all.... It's a giant mess up there right now and this place just gets me more lost instead. So, I'm not fighting my strong runaway instincts and just getting outta here before I make things even more worse for myself.

Click to expand...

Kind of scary ain’t it.
Don’t leave.
Just breath. 
I think it’s gonna be alright. 

One....more....assignment....and this class is done. But I have zero motivation to do it.