Merry Xmas from my girlfriend

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putter65

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We exchanged xmas presents on Sunday before her holiday. It was a family holiday she couldn't get out of in her own country.

She sent me texts telling me her progress as she drove to the airport. And then last night, she said it was 'very cold' and 'couldn't wait to get home' and it was good to meet up with old friends. Her last text 'thinking of you X'

One of my friends rang me up a few hours later to tell me she had seen my girlfriend at home. And in fact she had been seen a few times getting in and out of her car. My friend felt 'awfull' telling me this. I was speechless. It was only Sunday my girlfriend was sobbing on my shoulder over how nice my xmas presents were.

I sent her a text saying I knew she wasn't away on holiday, told her I couldn't understand the lying and I didn't want to see her again.

She replied 2 hours later admitting it. Her reasons ? She is depressed and wants to be alone and didn't want to 'moan about her life' to me because it wasn't fair ! - She insists she still wants to see me in the New Year.
 
That's understandable, no one wants to be downer around others during the holidays. It's too bad she lied to you but she probably felt it was better that way, then to make you sad or have you worried about her.
 
Sci-Fi said:
That's understandable, no one wants to be downer around others during the holidays. It's too bad she lied to you but she probably felt it was better that way, then to make you sad or have you worried about her.

I have sent her a text saying 'lets start afresh in the New Year' - I do feel like that. I don't want it to end.

It was just a complete shock though !

 
Why can't the "X" be a hug since it seem like crossing of arms and the "O" be a kiss because of the opening of the mouth(if it is that kid of kiss). Sorry guys but i am particular about certain things.

On Topic, tell her if i can't accept you at your worst then i don't deserve you at your best. So don't feel like you need to hide from me because you are feeling down.
 
I went around for a chat and there was another bloke there. Pretty obvious really !
 
putter65 said:
I went around for a chat and there was another bloke there. Pretty obvious really !

Urgh, I'm sorry putter. That sounds like a crappy situation :(

You're certain he wasn't just a friend of hers or something?

I thought the whole "I feel bad" thing sounded a bit dodgy. It makes no sense to me - couples should support one another, not isolate themselves when one member feels bad.

You seem a sensible sort, at least you can be happy that there is no blame on your part regarding this matter.

EDIT - Oh, and if you're going to end things with her, I suggest you confront her first. She doesn't deserve to just skip away scot-free for being so dishonest like that.
 
Was the guy in her house with her? Have you seen the guy before?
 
Yes it's a guy from her facebook. And after our first date she had a date with him a week later. I got told this by her neighbour (who is a friend of mine).

He was in her kitchen making a cup of tea, the door was open. I didn't say anything, just left real quickly. I sent texts to her saying I knew he was there with her but she hasn't replied.

Obviously her plan was to pretend to me she was on holiday for 2 weeks. (Keeping me posted with texts about her holiday !) And then with all her kids gone and the house empty, she invites him down.

It all went pear shaped for her when another friend of mine who is a neighbour saw her and told me. She claimed she was depressed and wanted to be by herself. Which is another lie.



 
what is this "pear shape" saying? I know it means bad but by?

Yeah the ***** is lying and I would just tell her what you just said and in person. That she was pretending to be on holiday and was bumping uglies with her neighbor that she has been seeing since we started dating.
 
Thank god for people like the neighbor. Lies man. Similar situations have happened in the majority of my relationships. It doesn't even make sense. Why lie about something like that?
 
kamya said:
Thank god for people like the neighbor. Lies man. Similar situations have happened in the majority of my relationships. It doesn't even make sense. Why lie about something like that?

Yeah, in my mind it's f'ed up. It's immature cowardice, actually. If you're not happy in a relationship with someone, you should say it to their face, not mess around behind their back.

Very sorry that she treated you like that OP. I hope you can put her out of your head and move onto someone that deserves you :(
 
Someone please tell me a bigger deal is being made about this than it seems to be. Please!


 
TheSolitaryMan said:
putter65 said:
I went around for a chat and there was another bloke there. Pretty obvious really !

Urgh, I'm sorry putter. That sounds like a crappy situation :(

You're certain he wasn't just a friend of hers or something?

I thought the whole "I feel bad" thing sounded a bit dodgy. It makes no sense to me - couples should support one another, not isolate themselves when one member feels bad.

You seem a sensible sort, at least you can be happy that there is no blame on your part regarding this matter.

EDIT - Oh, and if you're going to end things with her, I suggest you confront her first. She doesn't deserve to just skip away scot-free for being so dishonest like that.

I've sent my final text to her. Saying I came to see her and saw she had company. It was the guy from her facebook who she spent a weekend with when she first went out with me. She later called him 'just a friend' - I also told her how nice I have been to her and she treated me like this and she is going to be very lonely in the new year.



kamya said:
Thank god for people like the neighbor. Lies man. Similar situations have happened in the majority of my relationships. It doesn't even make sense. Why lie about something like that?

The neighbour is a friend of mine and I worked with her over 10 years. She is apparantly upset about the whole thing. I sent her a message thanking her for telling me.

My ex obviously wanted to spend xmas with the other guy and having an empty house it was ideal. The only problem was me so instead of finishing it (with me) she makes up a story about her going on holiday so I wouldn't get in the way. Her plan was to pretend to get back from her holiday on Jan 5th and continue things with me.



TheSolitaryMan said:
kamya said:
Thank god for people like the neighbor. Lies man. Similar situations have happened in the majority of my relationships. It doesn't even make sense. Why lie about something like that?

Yeah, in my mind it's f'ed up. It's immature cowardice, actually. If you're not happy in a relationship with someone, you should say it to their face, not mess around behind their back.

Very sorry that she treated you like that OP. I hope you can put her out of your head and move onto someone that deserves you :(

Thank you. I'm not upset just fed up. And it seems a waste spending all that money on her xmas presents.



Anten said:
what is this "pear shape" saying? I know it means bad but by?

Yeah the ***** is lying and I would just tell her what you just said and in person. That she was pretending to be on holiday and was bumping uglies with her neighbor that she has been seeing since we started dating.

pear shaped just mean when things go wrong.



jjam said:
Someone please tell me a bigger deal is being made about this than it seems to be. Please!

So your saying I should still see her ? (if she wants)

And her obviously sleeping with another man is okay ?



TheSolitaryMan said:
kamya said:
Thank god for people like the neighbor. Lies man. Similar situations have happened in the majority of my relationships. It doesn't even make sense. Why lie about something like that?

Yeah, in my mind it's f'ed up. It's immature cowardice, actually. If you're not happy in a relationship with someone, you should say it to their face, not mess around behind their back.

Very sorry that she treated you like that OP. I hope you can put her out of your head and move onto someone that deserves you :(

She isn't answering my texts. I doubt I will ever hear from her again. (Which is good !)

 
putter65 said:
So your saying I should still see her ? (if she wants)

And her obviously sleeping with another man is okay ?

No. My post was a way of expressing my disappointment about you having to deal with this.

 
Its hard not to be at least a little bitter after something like that. At least you guys weren't super far into the relationship yet.
 
kamya said:
Its hard not to be at least a little bitter after something like that. At least you guys weren't super far into the relationship yet.

This is PRECISELY why I take things very slowly when there's potential for a romantic relationship. Not everyone is on the same page when it comes to principles and strength in character. MANY people really haven't a clue and MANY people have a clue but haven't the strength to back what they know to be right.

Putter, if I were you, my main focus would be to work on eradicating your bitterly feelings by any means.
 
jjam said:
putter65 said:
So your saying I should still see her ? (if she wants)

And her obviously sleeping with another man is okay ?

No. My post was a way of expressing my disappointment about you having to deal with this.

Oh okay, sorry.

Thanks for your kind words.



kamya said:
Its hard not to be at least a little bitter after something like that. At least you guys weren't super far into the relationship yet.

Well I didn't sleep with her, that's one thing.

There was nothing particular nice about her but it was nice having someone for a change. Little things like getting text messages from someone asking me about my day. My phone will go quiet now.



jjam said:
kamya said:
Its hard not to be at least a little bitter after something like that. At least you guys weren't super far into the relationship yet.

This is PRECISELY why I take things very slowly when there's potential for a romantic relationship. Not everyone is on the same page when it comes to principles and strength in character. MANY people really haven't a clue and MANY people have a clue but haven't the strength to back what they know to be right.

Putter, if I were you, my main focus would be to work on eradicating your bitterly feelings by any means.

I'm not sure I have bitter feelings. I'm more dejected. And the feeling that it will a long time before another girlfriend.

 
jjam said:
kamya said:
Its hard not to be at least a little bitter after something like that. At least you guys weren't super far into the relationship yet.

This is PRECISELY why I take things very slowly when there's potential for a romantic relationship. Not everyone is on the same page when it comes to principles and strength in character. MANY people really haven't a clue and MANY people have a clue but haven't the strength to back what they know to be right.

Putter, if I were you, my main focus would be to work on eradicating your bitterly feelings by any means.

Well said jjam, "Not everyone is.......know to be right". I hope you don't mind if I remember that quote and use it.

Putter, my sympathies. I've had similar situations in the past, I hate it when I get my guts ripped out by deception.
 
Lonely in BC said:
jjam said:
kamya said:
Its hard not to be at least a little bitter after something like that. At least you guys weren't super far into the relationship yet.

This is PRECISELY why I take things very slowly when there's potential for a romantic relationship. Not everyone is on the same page when it comes to principles and strength in character. MANY people really haven't a clue and MANY people have a clue but haven't the strength to back what they know to be right.

Putter, if I were you, my main focus would be to work on eradicating your bitterly feelings by any means.

Well said jjam, "Not everyone is.......know to be right". I hope you don't mind if I remember that quote and use it.

Putter, my sympathies. I've had similar situations in the past, I hate it when I get my guts ripped out by deception.

What a lie though !

She was sending me texts pretending to be in another country, saying things like 'it's cold here' and stuff like that.

I replied to her and even checked my mobile balance to see if it cost more. It never even crossed my mind she was lying. I got chatting to my friend and her neighbour on facebook and just happened to mention it. And that is how I found out.



 
putter65 said:
Lonely in BC said:
jjam said:
kamya said:
Its hard not to be at least a little bitter after something like that. At least you guys weren't super far into the relationship yet.

This is PRECISELY why I take things very slowly when there's potential for a romantic relationship. Not everyone is on the same page when it comes to principles and strength in character. MANY people really haven't a clue and MANY people have a clue but haven't the strength to back what they know to be right.

Putter, if I were you, my main focus would be to work on eradicating your bitterly feelings by any means.

Well said jjam, "Not everyone is.......know to be right". I hope you don't mind if I remember that quote and use it.

Putter, my sympathies. I've had similar situations in the past, I hate it when I get my guts ripped out by deception.

What a lie though !

She was sending me texts pretending to be in another country, saying things like 'it's cold here' and stuff like that.

I replied to her and even checked my mobile balance to see if it cost more. It never even crossed my mind she was lying. I got chatting to my friend and her neighbour on facebook and just happened to mention it. And that is how I found out.

I don't think it's her that's making me feel so sad. She was hard work and a pain in the arse most of the time. It's having a girlfriend. I had someone, first time ever. I was using the phrase 'my girlfriend' to people - I've never done that before. It was the thought that a woman wanted to be with me, thought about me, wanted to kiss me.

Now it's gone and I feel empty.

 

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