Does anyone prefer being alone?

I know I’ll get heat for this, but does anyone often prefer to be alone? It recently hit me, because I was invited to stay with some friends at D.C. but realized that I don’t really want to go. I’ve been feeling this way a lot lately. It’s just too much of a hassle, forcing myself to be entertained and be entertaining. I prefer music, books and movies. It’s not that I don’t like people, but I just don’t find most forms of socializing entertaining. Maybe if more of my friends were interested in what I found interesting, I wouldn’t feel this way. I don’t see this as a negative thing, because I have a very Buddhist perspective on life. The feeling of not desiring anything and having all you need is, I think, a far greater bliss than chasing pleasures that give you a lift for about a week. One of my friends hit the nail on the head when she said the following: “Most people think I’m a loner, but I’m just so awesome that I prefer my own company.”

Basically, I prefer forums and Facebook, where I can do things on my own time and not worry about keeping up impressions and all that other nonsense.

Edit: I think a lot of people like the idea of company more than the company itself, that is, they just want to feel like they're appreciated and desired. I'm not saying all of you do this, and I acknowledge that the desire for company is often a very human trait. For the rest of you: Why not skip a step and work on yourself before seeking others for validation? At least, that's what I'm trying to do right now: become a better person on my own.

Please don't attack me.

I don't really prefer to be alone. I just choose to be because it's easier and I'll admit I'm a little bit lazy. There's no pressure to be interesting, funny, nice, or socially acceptable when I'm alone, so I'm more relaxed and comfortable that way. But in the end, I'd prefer to be the kind of person that easily gets along well with others and gets out often.

Nolife Princess said:

Being alone can be cool, but being around folks can be cool too... especially if you find that you can annoy the heck out of em! hee hee

Click to expand...

You always leave the best comments, haha.

Yup occasionally. I think there's a fine balance between me needing my own time and the necessary amount of social contact. My sociability has major ups and downs through the day/week because of this. Like you said, it's easiest for me as well to entertain myself and not having to worry about being entertained or entertain someone else. I don't react very positive to people accusing me of not saying/doing enough when other days I seem to be more spontaneous. It comes and goes, no need to force it. In the end I'm always there for people if they really need me around.

Polar said:

Yup occasionally. I think there's a fine balance between me needing my own time and the necessary amount of social contact. My sociability has major ups and downs through the day/week because of this. Like you said, it's easiest for me as well to entertain myself and not having to worry about being entertained or entertain someone else. I don't react very positive to people accusing me of not saying/doing enough when other days I seem to be more spontaneous. It comes and goes, no need to force it. In the end I'm always there for people if they really need me around.

Click to expand...

+1 to you for not making me feel insane, good sir.

Or... maybe we're both insane, oops there's the twist! Nah, I personally define insanity as never wanting to be alone.

It's a weird thing isnt it.

Despite feeling lonely the majority of the time, sometime it does feel best just to be alone, away from the world. When i moved back home i went through a stage of wanting to be alone all the time. I'd go so used to having nobody around at my flat, I was used to it.

Dont think id like it for too long though

I like being alone when I'm in the bath.

I think being alone is good for you, it helps you sort out your thoughts in your mind. However, I think being alone too much can be bad. You have to keep the two in tandem or your life will not be as good as it can possibly be.

Sometimes I like being a lone and not even when I am feeling down. I just don't want to trade false pleasantries with a person.

flaneur said:

I know I’ll get heat for this, but does anyone often prefer to be alone? It recently hit me, because I was invited to stay with some friends at D.C. but realized that I don’t really want to go. I’ve been feeling this way a lot lately. It’s just too much of a hassle, forcing myself to be entertained and be entertaining. I prefer music, books and movies. It’s not that I don’t like people, but I just don’t find most forms of socializing entertaining. Maybe if more of my friends were interested in what I found interesting, I wouldn’t feel this way.

Click to expand...

Your post speaks to my own situation. As much as I would love to have one good close friend, and feel lonely a lot, I have to recognize that not many share my interests, and I don't share theirs either. Popular culture does not interest me in the least, and those absorbed in it interest me even less.

Oh sure, there are plenty of likable people out there, and I can interact with them more or less pleasantly on a superficial level, but there's just nothing deeper possible with them, no shared interest or values for friendship to take root in.

The things people want to talk about at social gatherings do not interest me at all, those things being social and sexual gossip, sports, TV shows, fashion, etc. I end up quite isolated at social functions if I do not make an effort to participate in this, which I really don't care to, and such socializing is burdensome and unrewarding for me.

Particularly frustrating is that I so often run into those who will completely dominate all conversation, interrupting and talking over anyone who wants to talk about something else, or even just contribute to the conversation.

It's been over a decade since I knew anyone who shared my own interests, and I have to conclude such people are quite rare. An intelligent and civil exchange of knowledge and ideas in a two way conversation seems to be a lost art, and nearly impossible to come by anymore. So I keep to myself for the most part, only venturing out in public when the loneliness becomes too painful, and then, finding myself just as lonely among others I retreat back into my shell in disappointment.

I think I'm just so constituted that there's no avoiding the loneliness and social isolation. I just don't fit in with the vast bulk of society.

I personally don't view a situation where I will not be alone, at least in terms of relationships. So it's out of my hands, anyway.

I used to not mind being alone. Then some friends thought it would be cool to make me outgoing. That in turn got me feeling very lonely and depressed and my friends wanted me back to the way I was. But it was too late to change me back after I had already discovered what I was missing.
So most of my friends quit talking to me.
Which just made things worse. *laughs*

Sometimes.

Polar said:

Yup occasionally. I think there's a fine balance between me needing my own time and the necessary amount of social contact. My sociability has major ups and downs through the day/week because of this. Like you said, it's easiest for me as well to entertain myself and not having to worry about being entertained or entertain someone else. I don't react very positive to people accusing me of not saying/doing enough when other days I seem to be more spontaneous. It comes and goes, no need to force it. In the end I'm always there for people if they really need me around.

Click to expand...

Superb

Absolutely agree 100%. That should be my signature, I get accused of being "miserable" by people in work just because some days I'm not laughing or joking, it's called being "quiet".

To the OP, I’ve often thought that there is a big difference to being alone and being lonely. Being alone is something we tend to have some trace of control over, there are a few introverts on here (myself included) who like their own company, who like doing things at their own pace, it gives us a feeling of comfort and control. Have you thought of yourself as being an introvert too?

However loneliness is when you want company but just can’t seem to get it. Wanting to be alone from time to time doesn’t mean that you want to be alone all of the time. TrailerTrish said it good, it’s hard finding people who you can associate with on more than a superficial level, humans by our very nature are pack animals and feeling that we are excluded from the group when we want to be a part of it can be very painful indeed.

I do agree with your Buddhist perspective (I’ve been practicing it for some years too) but sometimes those human instincts kick in and when you want to be part of the larger pack but can’t, it hurts quite a lot.

ForEverythingAReason said:

Absolutely agree 100%. That should be my signature, I get accused of being "miserable" by people in work just because some days I'm not laughing or joking, it's called being "quiet".

Click to expand...

Hahahahaha!

Here's the one I love:

"Why are you so quiet?"

Hmm...

I get accused of being a serial killer because I am quiet at work.

It changes constantly for me. There's times where I want to be around people so much and then there's time where I just want to be quiet and alone.