Lonely feelings around people

Today i was alone for most of the day. I realized that i did not have any really bad momments of lonelyness when i was alone, in fact, i really liked being completely alone. I felt like there was no pressures on me for any such reason, yet when the whole family came home, i suddenly felt a pressure and lonelyness. It was strange because the actual opposite effect happened when i was around people. Why is that?

You are talking about pressure. Is it always clear to you what your family expects from you? Or do you rather feel inadequate around them because it is difficult for you to fulfill their wishes? And when it comes to *your* wishes, is there anyone there listening to them, or are you the one who always has to listen and not much of a chance to speak up?

Well i do feel like im not up to their expectations of me when ever they are around, i cleaned the house and mowed the lawn and did all my chores and studied for a while. I felt accomplished and happy. When my family got home i was still studying, about 30 minutes after they arrived i decided to take a break and play a game in the living room. The momment i turned on the game my mom yells out to me "what have you done all day?" She usually responds like this when she believes that i could of done something more. I told her what i did and she still responded that i could have washed the dishes, which made me feel degraded because we had a schedule on who does the dishes, and it was not my day to do them.

After that scene and me washing the dishes, i get blunt replies from my sisters calling me a loser and what a lazy person i was that i didnt do much today, even after being a loner all day. I can kind of understand why im depressed, but my mom asks me why im allways so depressed and i dont really feel like telling her because she allways seems to get mad and tell me im just feeling sorry for myself.

That sounds familiar, my mom is the same way. Even if you did everything she'd still find something to ***** about. When you get out on your own though you'll find all that nagging actually helps, because you'll hear her voice in the back of your head reminding you to do the dishes, or dust, or vacuum, or clean up after yourself. You might want to beat your head against the wall to make the voices stop though. LOL

I know what you're saying, it's weird. You enjoy the day alone but can also look forward to people coming home, yet when they do you wish they weren't there. You'll never be able to live up to the expectation of parents, that's kind of a general rule. Kids never do, sometimes even into adulthood you still don't. They just want their kids to have better, to be more, to be this ideal that is so far out of reach.

Sci-Fi said:

They just want their kids to have better, to be more, to be this ideal that is so far out of reach.

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Isnt it kind of bad to allways lead a kid off like that though? Im taking psychology at the momment and i read in the learning section that too much negative reinforcement without reward leads to avoidance, escape, or extinction.

geordy70 said:

Today i was alone for most of the day. I realized that i did not have any really bad momments of lonelyness when i was alone, in fact, i really liked being completely alone. I felt like there was no pressures on me for any such reason, yet when the whole family came home, i suddenly felt a pressure and lonelyness. It was strange because the actual opposite effect happened when i was around people. Why is that?

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The same happens to me sometimes.

This could be diferent for each person, so I'll tell you why I think I feel that way. I think it's because I feel somehaw "disconnected" to the people that are around me, becouse we aren't close or becose I don't know them that well. It could also mean I don't like them much... so I'm not fitting in the group therefore I feel alienated cousing that uncomfortable feeling we call loneliness.

Felix said:

The same happens to me sometimes.

This could be diferent for each person, so I'll tell you why I think I feel that way. I think it's because I feel somehaw "disconnected" to the people that are around me, becouse we aren't close or becose I don't know them that well. It could also mean I don't like them much... so I'm not fitting in the group therefore I feel alienated cousing that uncomfortable feeling we call loneliness.

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But is it normal to feel like this even around family? Arent they supposed to not have such a social prejudice twaords you?

geordy70 said:

Felix said:

The same happens to me sometimes.

This could be diferent for each person, so I'll tell you why I think I feel that way. I think it's because I feel somehaw "disconnected" to the people that are around me, becouse we aren't close or becose I don't know them that well. It could also mean I don't like them much... so I'm not fitting in the group therefore I feel alienated cousing that uncomfortable feeling we call loneliness.

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But is it normal to feel like this even around family? Arent they supposed to not have such a social prejudice twaords you?

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Personally I never felt that way around my family. It's not necessairly a prejudice thing, more like you are not getting along with them, not bonding...

But if this is making you feel bad it's possible it's something deeper, this is usually caused by communication problems. Perhaps you should talk about how you feel with your mom / family. It seems by your posts that you are seeking aproval from your mom, and when you don't get it and instead get reprimanded it makes you depressed. Thats a passive response, other individuals might just get angry at her.

To sum up, I'd say you talk to your mom about this. If it doesn't work, in my experience I've found group therapy to do marvels with my dad's relationship. I know it can be tuff and a bit ackward... but it's worth it.

I have a hard time communicating with my mother because it feels like she doesnt listen to what i am saying. She might be right if the only answer i get out of her is "Im just feeling sorry for myself" but i feel like i need other opinions on it so i can clarify if thats truly the answer. She gets angry often because the conversation apparently ends up being something related to my fault.

We have even tried therapy but the therapists are fairly general in their advice and i usually end up getting solutions im allready aware of, also when i speak my mind in front of her in front of people, she is allmost a different person. Like putting up a front to make her self appear more friendly. I believe she does this unconciously because she has no awareness of it when i ask her about it and she takes it offensivly.

Sci-Fi said:

They just want their kids to have better, to be more, to be this ideal that is so far out of reach.

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Strange, I've had an ex treating me like that actually. Hmm...