strange

I don't really have anywhere or anyone else to talk to but sometimes I reach a point where this feeling, a kind of void or 'unpleasant' emotion, comes up and takes me.
I don't really have a name for it, nor do I care so much for names. It comes and goes in intensity, always present. I find it ... interesting that I can create a kind of ... euphoria? lately.
I can find no point in anything except out of habit, and especially no point in finding a full time career in which most of my life is spend slaving away for other people in which the 'reward' is paper or virtual credits. Which is odd because I still go about doing things for some reason. So I wonder why do I do these things and yet find it pointless.

Feel free to comment or talk. I just had to get something out.

Interesting. Don't know. I guess it's just the way the world works sadly. We all just stroll down our own paths that sometimes intersect with others. Some are good and paved with gold, some are rough and lead into the dead forest.

Yea, pretty much.
Yet I cannot tell if it is fate, destiny, choice or divine intervention but we just sort of get born, experience stuff then cease to exist ...
So is there a point to 'aiming' for a 'goal' if you are going to just cease to be at some point in time; and if by old age, this could possibly be very slow and drawn out. What will you look back upon? If you drive towards a goal ... then surely you already have the result in mind? If you have the result in mind, what point is there in aiming for it? Sure, there is the experience of it but you could also be missing out on hundreds of potential alternative paths.
Suppose you fail your goal?
Am I onto something or just ... delusional?

They'll be plenty of time to dwell on it when you're dead.

Then again.......you'll be dead!

It's a wonderful life

Survival and getting tied into the system.

It didnt matter how money or
The raise i recieved after a while...

Whatever the fresia i had got out dated.
So im basically buying newer versions
of the same old honeysuckle.

Sometimes inflations out grew my
income...just enough to get buy.
Every now and then i feel like
A SLAVE TO THE GRIND..
with a fucken title on my desk
and bussiness card.
And the fucken emblent of the
model automobile i drive is just
an extension of that...

The mother fucken rat race...
I can win the race..but ill still
Be a mother fucken rat win or lose.

---

Men are simple...

We wotk, eat, sleep and fresia.
GOOD *******...makes the rest of the
Bullshit batesble.

I think you're definitely onto something, but its something none of us will ever entirely comprehend. If you understood everything that God did, then you would be God (and if you don't believe in God, then if you understood everything about the universe you'd be freaking amazing).

Anyway, if you've got this time on this planet. Why not do something with it? This is the game we play, might as well play it. I'm not so much worried about reaching the goal myself as I am saying that I competed in a way that I can feel good about.

IMO the problem with emotions is that its not do disimilare from a slider scale. Happiness increases and decreases, at one point in changes into sadness, ect.

It seems to me that people make it through their lives by predominately distracting themselves from questions such as why they exist.
If life is so painful, so lonely and confusing at times ... why not kill yourself?
Agony for weeks on end or no awareness of anything?
What gets you through each hour, week, year?

I may have been young but I asked myself those questions 4 years ago when I was 14. I had chains and weights around my legs, standing above the lake in my garden. I decided there and then that I would never be in this situation again, I'd either commit suicide now or I'd ride life out until the end. I decided no matter how honeysuckle it gets, no matter what people think of me I wouldn't give in, I have the same right to happiness as every other person and I will experience it again even if it takes me my whole life to get there.

I will never give up and break that promise to myself. That's why I'm not going to kill myself no matter how lonely or painful life gets. Just the thought of the taste of happiness is what gets me through each day.

Jeeze Pezza!
If you died, how would we have become aware of each other? ;.;

I had a seed trip not long ago. I ended up spending around 6 hours with everything that I am aware of ... in complete agony.
It kinda put things into perspective.
Everything eventually comes to an end. And my life before and after that trip was/is beautiful compared to that agony.
Ride it out, enjoy it all because as the end of your life when you are dying ... what are you left with?