I been thinking long and hard about why it is that we are who we are. I have finally come to the conclusion that you don't live life on choice alone. Since we were born, our parent have impose different rules and regulations for us to obey. So ever since birth, we had to follow specific guild lines, some more than other. It is not until we reach manhood that we began to experience our own liberation. However, depending on our childhood circumstances, our choice become depleted and we lose our identity. Through all the years of learning and loneliness, we have lost the ability to become what we want to become, because the lasting effect of our childhood always seem to catch up to us.
I hope you understand what I'm trying to say.
Now I don't think I'll ever find love, is because well...
1. I can't simile (I had this disability as a kids, it due to lack of nutrition when my dad was a POW and he was not consider healthy) This is all the more worst for me, because it hard for people to tell that I'm friendly or that you want to be their bf, and you certainly can't smile to take a picture. This alone, has brought me up to look at the world differently. I knew I didn't belong in this society, because I'm just too different.
2. I don't have the look to boost up my confidence. When you get call "ugly" often as a child, and never once handsome, beside your family, well you get the point.
3. I have a boring background, never had a single decent holidays or birthday. Never play sport, join clubs, play instruments, do something crazy, party, drink, and etc...
4. I'm not a bad boy
5. I don't have the heights, I'm only 5'9, and most girls want tall guys.
6. I'm extremely poor, I could barely buy stuff for myself much less take a girl out to dinner. My college tuition was pretty much pay for with grants and loans.
7. I have social anxiety
My chance that I will ever find my dream girl is 0.000000000000000000000000000000000000000001 (the same chances as winning the jackpot!)
My look on life is to live the best way I can. But lately it been interfering with my study. When your depress, it almost impossible to want to do anything. It hard to say where I will be in the next 4 years, it safe to say that whatever happens, it not gonna change much.
Since I have such a horrible life so far, I'm just going to continue living until maybe the day that I can man up and talk to a girl.
And I want a dog someday (my first pet ever!!!)
I hope you understand what I'm trying to say.
Now I don't think I'll ever find love, is because well...
1. I can't simile (I had this disability as a kids, it due to lack of nutrition when my dad was a POW and he was not consider healthy) This is all the more worst for me, because it hard for people to tell that I'm friendly or that you want to be their bf, and you certainly can't smile to take a picture. This alone, has brought me up to look at the world differently. I knew I didn't belong in this society, because I'm just too different.
2. I don't have the look to boost up my confidence. When you get call "ugly" often as a child, and never once handsome, beside your family, well you get the point.
3. I have a boring background, never had a single decent holidays or birthday. Never play sport, join clubs, play instruments, do something crazy, party, drink, and etc...
4. I'm not a bad boy
5. I don't have the heights, I'm only 5'9, and most girls want tall guys.
6. I'm extremely poor, I could barely buy stuff for myself much less take a girl out to dinner. My college tuition was pretty much pay for with grants and loans.
7. I have social anxiety
My chance that I will ever find my dream girl is 0.000000000000000000000000000000000000000001 (the same chances as winning the jackpot!)
My look on life is to live the best way I can. But lately it been interfering with my study. When your depress, it almost impossible to want to do anything. It hard to say where I will be in the next 4 years, it safe to say that whatever happens, it not gonna change much.
Since I have such a horrible life so far, I'm just going to continue living until maybe the day that I can man up and talk to a girl.
And I want a dog someday (my first pet ever!!!)