Feeling extremely bitter and alone

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somber_radiance

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Today, I just suddenly broke down. I've been hiding in my room for at least 6 hours trying to get over things and stop crying...but I haven't quite been able to. What's worst is that I feel like there's no one I can talk to or be with as a shoulder to cry on. I don't think I've ever been this depressed before...with maybe one exception.

I think it's just a huge combination of things that have hit me and just built up inside. I can't tell if it's because I have become sorely disappointed in how mediocre and unsuccessful my life has been. I hate how I am nothing compared to my peers...I feel like my existence is useless...except maybe to be an example of what no to be/do. ...or maybe it's because I realized that the guy I'm falling for...who I considered a very close friend of mine...thinks of me no differently from anyone else. He used to seem interested in me and for once I tried to opened up to someone. He had been there for me in the past and always knew how to make me laugh if I was having a bad day...be it feels like he's just gotten tired of me. I recently had a dilemma and really needed some extra help from my friends. You know how they say you find who your true friends are in rough times? Well....I felt like I didn't have any. None of the people I had regularly been hanging out with were willing to help me out. They would either not respond or just say they were too busy. I didn't think I was that bad of a person to not even have someone who'd be willing to take 30 minutes out of their day to give me a hand. I feel I am always open and willing to be there for the people I care about. I have spent hours, even gave up studying for a test once, trying to comfort a crying friend or keep them from hurting themselves physically. But when I need a friend...I always find myself completely alone. I don't understand how I got to this point. Am I that bad at making friends? Do people think I'm shallow and boring because I have a hard time opening up? In the end I always have to tell myself that I just need to learn to be more independent cuz no one else will give a d-mn...it's MY life.

Sorry, I know this is long...I think it just helps for me to vent. And I really don't know where else to vent but on an random forum.
 
You seem like a really great friend and person in general. I am really bad at giving emotional advice since I am not really good with expressing my emotions. You are the type of girl I would fall for and end up getting hurt. :(

Did you ever tell the guy how you felt? Did you ever push him away either knowingly or unknowingly?
 
Sadly there are a lot of people who are happy to take on an emotional level but not so happy to give. As Anten says, you sound like a really great friend and person in general and you deserve to have friends who value you properly. However, finding them is not so easy. Like you, I have friends who are happy to come to me when they have problems, but who disappear when I need help. No, you are not shallow or boring. I think that you are just more empathic and sympathetic than your friends, so while you can put yourself into their shoes when they are low, they can't do the same back. I don't think you are bad at making friends either, though you may be lacking in confidence, which is why you have made friends with people who do not value you enough.
 
Anten said:
You seem like a really great friend and person in general. I am really bad at giving emotional advice since I am not really good with expressing my emotions. You are the type of girl I would fall for and end up getting hurt. :(

Did you ever tell the guy how you felt? Did you ever push him away either knowingly or unknowingly?

Thanks :) I think I just needed that moment to release all my pent up emotions...I'm feeling better and back to my normal self now.

I did try to tell him. We were happy at first...then there was some drama...but we've returned back to friend status since. It seems like that's how things will remain. I won't lie...I have done some pretty bad things that could have hurt him (if he really did have feelings for me) and made him see the ugly side of me. So, it's ok. I've accepted the facts.

I'm sorry I seem like the type of girl who you'd get hurt by! >.<


Tiina63 said:
Sadly there are a lot of people who are happy to take on an emotional level but not so happy to give. As Anten says, you sound like a really great friend and person in general and you deserve to have friends who value you properly. However, finding them is not so easy. Like you, I have friends who are happy to come to me when they have problems, but who disappear when I need help. No, you are not shallow or boring. I think that you are just more empathic and sympathetic than your friends, so while you can put yourself into their shoes when they are low, they can't do the same back. I don't think you are bad at making friends either, though you may be lacking in confidence, which is why you have made friends with people who do not value you enough.

You're right...I am sorely lacking in the confidence department. Working on that. It's been a life long project :p
 
somber_radiance said:
I did try to tell him. We were happy at first...then there was some drama...but we've returned back to friend status since. It seems like that's how things will remain. I won't lie...I have done some pretty bad things that could have hurt him (if he really did have feelings for me) and made him see the ugly side of me. So, it's ok. I've accepted the facts.

I'm sorry I seem like the type of girl who you'd get hurt by! >.<

Well it is good that you are feeling better now. :)

Did you try to hurt him because you didn't feel he was giving you the attention you wanted?

Don't worry about it, it isn't anything about your character. I fall for girls really easy once I open up to them and I have horrible luck with women. You just seem like a person I could open up to IRL.
 
Anten said:
Did you try to hurt him because you didn't feel he was giving you the attention you wanted?

Something like that. He's not clingy at all. Took me awhile to understand that it was just his personality...cuz guys in my past were so clingy I sometimes felt suffocated.

 
somber_radiance said:
Anten said:
Did you try to hurt him because you didn't feel he was giving you the attention you wanted?
Something like that. He's not clingy at all. Took me awhile to understand that it was just his personality...cuz guys in my past were so clingy I sometimes felt suffocated.


Too clingy.
Not clingy enough.

Ahhh the dilemma...

Glad you're feeling better.
 
somber_radiance said:
Today, I just suddenly broke down. I've been hiding in my room for at least 6 hours trying to get over things and stop crying...but I haven't quite been able to. What's worst is that I feel like there's no one I can talk to or be with as a shoulder to cry on. I don't think I've ever been this depressed before...with maybe one exception.

I think it's just a huge combination of things that have hit me and just built up inside. I can't tell if it's because I have become sorely disappointed in how mediocre and unsuccessful my life has been. I hate how I am nothing compared to my peers...I feel like my existence is useless...except maybe to be an example of what no to be/do. ...or maybe it's because I realized that the guy I'm falling for...who I considered a very close friend of mine...thinks of me no differently from anyone else. He used to seem interested in me and for once I tried to opened up to someone. He had been there for me in the past and always knew how to make me laugh if I was having a bad day...be it feels like he's just gotten tired of me. I recently had a dilemma and really needed some extra help from my friends. You know how they say you find who your true friends are in rough times? Well....I felt like I didn't have any. None of the people I had regularly been hanging out with were willing to help me out. They would either not respond or just say they were too busy. I didn't think I was that bad of a person to not even have someone who'd be willing to take 30 minutes out of their day to give me a hand. I feel I am always open and willing to be there for the people I care about. I have spent hours, even gave up studying for a test once, trying to comfort a crying friend or keep them from hurting themselves physically. But when I need a friend...I always find myself completely alone. I don't understand how I got to this point. Am I that bad at making friends? Do people think I'm shallow and boring because I have a hard time opening up? In the end I always have to tell myself that I just need to learn to be more independent cuz no one else will give a d-mn...it's MY life.

Sorry, I know this is long...I think it just helps for me to vent. And I really don't know where else to vent but on an random forum.

I can fix this. Easily.

Get a dog. The bigger the better.
Matter of fact, get a pitbull breed.
They're loyal. They're cuddlebugs.
Dogs are better than people.
Dogs will never betray you.
Unless you are holding your sandwich to low.
Or an ice cream cone.

But seriously, for empaths like you, you'll find yourself alone often. Whether it being literally alone and/or being alone in your emotions and way of thinking, man's best friend will be there.

Loyalty and unconditional love only costs whatever your nearest dog shelter is charging for adoption fees. You can't change the lack of sympathy and empathy in your human friends, but you can adopt a dog.

Adopt a dog.

This comment isn't meant to be comedic or satirical.
Seriously.

Get a big goofy pitbull.
 
I'm just here for the 5 year necro celebration. Did anyone bring cake?
 

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