somber_radiance
Well-known member
- Joined
- May 6, 2011
- Messages
- 61
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Today, I just suddenly broke down. I've been hiding in my room for at least 6 hours trying to get over things and stop crying...but I haven't quite been able to. What's worst is that I feel like there's no one I can talk to or be with as a shoulder to cry on. I don't think I've ever been this depressed before...with maybe one exception.
I think it's just a huge combination of things that have hit me and just built up inside. I can't tell if it's because I have become sorely disappointed in how mediocre and unsuccessful my life has been. I hate how I am nothing compared to my peers...I feel like my existence is useless...except maybe to be an example of what no to be/do. ...or maybe it's because I realized that the guy I'm falling for...who I considered a very close friend of mine...thinks of me no differently from anyone else. He used to seem interested in me and for once I tried to opened up to someone. He had been there for me in the past and always knew how to make me laugh if I was having a bad day...be it feels like he's just gotten tired of me. I recently had a dilemma and really needed some extra help from my friends. You know how they say you find who your true friends are in rough times? Well....I felt like I didn't have any. None of the people I had regularly been hanging out with were willing to help me out. They would either not respond or just say they were too busy. I didn't think I was that bad of a person to not even have someone who'd be willing to take 30 minutes out of their day to give me a hand. I feel I am always open and willing to be there for the people I care about. I have spent hours, even gave up studying for a test once, trying to comfort a crying friend or keep them from hurting themselves physically. But when I need a friend...I always find myself completely alone. I don't understand how I got to this point. Am I that bad at making friends? Do people think I'm shallow and boring because I have a hard time opening up? In the end I always have to tell myself that I just need to learn to be more independent cuz no one else will give a d-mn...it's MY life.
Sorry, I know this is long...I think it just helps for me to vent. And I really don't know where else to vent but on an random forum.
I think it's just a huge combination of things that have hit me and just built up inside. I can't tell if it's because I have become sorely disappointed in how mediocre and unsuccessful my life has been. I hate how I am nothing compared to my peers...I feel like my existence is useless...except maybe to be an example of what no to be/do. ...or maybe it's because I realized that the guy I'm falling for...who I considered a very close friend of mine...thinks of me no differently from anyone else. He used to seem interested in me and for once I tried to opened up to someone. He had been there for me in the past and always knew how to make me laugh if I was having a bad day...be it feels like he's just gotten tired of me. I recently had a dilemma and really needed some extra help from my friends. You know how they say you find who your true friends are in rough times? Well....I felt like I didn't have any. None of the people I had regularly been hanging out with were willing to help me out. They would either not respond or just say they were too busy. I didn't think I was that bad of a person to not even have someone who'd be willing to take 30 minutes out of their day to give me a hand. I feel I am always open and willing to be there for the people I care about. I have spent hours, even gave up studying for a test once, trying to comfort a crying friend or keep them from hurting themselves physically. But when I need a friend...I always find myself completely alone. I don't understand how I got to this point. Am I that bad at making friends? Do people think I'm shallow and boring because I have a hard time opening up? In the end I always have to tell myself that I just need to learn to be more independent cuz no one else will give a d-mn...it's MY life.
Sorry, I know this is long...I think it just helps for me to vent. And I really don't know where else to vent but on an random forum.