Intimidation

I'm annoyed that some members here are purposely made to feel unwelcome, or even that they are a hinderance, because someone can't get past his/her own frustration and misery.

A lot of people here feel that they have finally found a place where they can express themselves, their thoughts, their demons. So when they are told that they shouldn't be here or that they are a negative influence, I can't imagine how they must feel.

We have lost at least two extremely positive members, who were also my friends, in the space of a month. And they're just the ones I'm aware of.

All I can ask is that if someone is having a sh***y day, that they don't take it out on the people here. Just use your head... THINK. Please.

While I don't know what specific incidents you are referreing to, I do whole heartedly agree with what you said.

is this why Qui is leaving? (or taking a break)

AngryLoner said:

While I don't know what specific incidents you are referreing to, I do whole heartedly agree with what you said.

is this why Qui is leaving? (or taking a break)

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I'm in the same boat, I don't know what incident this is referring to but I can only assume it's why Qui left/is taking a break... It pisses me off that someone would do this, some people are just more sensitive to what others say, and people need to respect that. And hey if your having a bad day than just yell about it to yourself in a thread, there is no need to single people out dd is right, just THINK...

What happened? Why is Qui leaving?

This is a refuge, a calm port in the storm that is this world in which we live... I have no objections to driving a hostile ship back out into the storm to weather it's course as it may. I have no patience or tolerance for those that attack the injured.

Bring to light these 'wolves in sheep's clothing', these persecutors, that they in turn may endure judgment, and if necessary, persecution returned in kind for their actions.

I think it best that if you suffer attacks or unkind words by another that you bring it to light in a thread. If these members are being unkind or cruel to others, then chances are your thread will bring in others that know of the persons transgression, and others will come forward that have had similar accusations or troubles. It's better than just keeping it all hush hush and then having it get to the point where you feel forced to leave the forums... just remember that everyone (yes everyone) here are thoughtful, and intelligent, you have more people here that would support you, than ridicule you for bringing forward your concerns.

Remember also that there are people here in control of this forum... there is a code of conduct that we must all follow while here. If some member crosses the line with you, and you tell the moderators or administrator, and others also PM similar concerns to the mods and admin, they will be able to see that someone is being abusive and take action.

No that's not best. It doesn't work. People just tell you to take it up in PM with that person. No one else comes forward either they just PM you and tell you they had a similiar experience with the person and to try not to take it too hard.

Lost in the Oilfield said:

I think it best that if you suffer attacks or unkind words by another that you bring it to light in a thread. If these members are being unkind or cruel to others, then chances are your thread will bring in others that know of the persons transgression, and others will come forward that have had similar accusations or troubles.

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I don't think the moderators like to take sides either. That's just my opinion formed by my own experience.

Edit: Oops typo

A good moderator should never take sides. Only if someone is flaming another member are spamming are posting porn are we really able to do something. And of course things like deaf frets are encouragement of suicide is definitely not tolerated. If someone has said things just because its there opinion even if its not always nice it is just one persons opinion and that should always be remembered. I know there well be some troubled ppl on hear and some ppl that are sensitive and for that reason I always try and be tactful but unfortunately other ppl are not always like that. The best thing to do is give support where you think its needed and just don't answer back to the posts that you think are, well not nice and insensitive.

Most hear are top class ppl like every one in this thread has my full respect cos all in hear have proven to be the kinder ppl that would not make anyone feel uncomfortable in how ever there feeling. Moor of you lot is whats needed.

If you think me are Queen Cleocatra is able to help with anything at all your always moor then welcome to PM us. We do come on here most days even if we don't post.

Weird, okay in my original post I'd mentioned sending a PM first to address the person directly, but then I must have wiped that line out before I finished the post. So yes PM the person first and try to find resolution. Just to clarify, that if the person is being unkind without good reason, I think it should be brought up. I'm not saying someone telling you they don't like your avatar or if they are just giving some criticism, that is to be expected.

What I'm saying is that if there's someone being malicious, member or not, this should be shared. In this case the moderators are not taking sides, they are moderating. That's why I mentioned the code of conduct... people going beyond this should be brought up with the mods. I'm talking extremes. Hope that clarifies, I was angry when I made the original post, so perhaps I didn't make myself as clear as I should have.

I agree with every thing you just said and did in your other post as well I just didn't manichean it

diamond-dancer said:

I'm annoyed that some members here are purposely made to feel unwelcome, or even that they are a hinderance, because someone can't get past his/her own frustration and misery.

A lot of people here feel that they have finally found a place where they can express themselves, their thoughts, their demons. So when they are told that they shouldn't be here or that they are a negative influence, I can't imagine how they must feel.

We have lost at least two extremely positive members, who were also my friends, in the space of a month. And they're just the ones I'm aware of.

All I can ask is that if someone is having a sh***y day, that they don't take it out on the people here. Just use your head... THINK. Please.

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i belong to another site,,,,and intimidation made alote of people leave from there,,i am just glad that most of the people i cared for i have there emails some i didn't get a chance to get though and that pains me alote...

I used to run off from sites or groups if I didn't care for a person or if I felt there was constant conflict. Now I don't care. They can say what they want and like but I'm not budging. There are quite a few "personalities" here and some are less tolerable so I avoid them. No one is worth running from, most of all because I feel they get what they wanted: to make their miserable selves feel better by making others uncomfortable.

Having said that, where is my Qui Girl?

Thanks Bluey... And hopefully Mimi this site won't follow that same trend. Like your avatar too by the way... that was funny

What happened!!????


Will somebody please explain to me what happened?

Well I've heard of one member being insulted by a new member for no apparent reason, and it wasn't public... the person was hurt and left for a few days, but then did return to the forum.

Under Qui's profile I saw this...

Qui is currently away.
Reason: I have been informed that I'm a negative contribution to this site. I'm sorry for bothering anyone. Goodbye.
Away Since: Yesterday Returns on: Unknown

Whoever "informed" her of that didn't have the balls to put a comment in her reputation.

And as far as I'm concerned nothing she has said or done is a negative contribution... if anything she's been a very positive influence since she first arrived here.

If anybody had read her latest posts, looked at her avatar and signatures, you'd see she's been feeling down the last couple days, and needing encouragement... and some idiot got it into their head to tell her she's not wanted here?! They're ignorant and insensitive, and in my opinion, if they're going to have that sort of self-serving attitude, and kicking people when they're down, they are the negative contribution to this site.

Lost in the Oilfield said:

Well I've heard of one member being insulted by a new member for no apparent reason, and it wasn't public... the person was hurt and left for a few days, but then did return to the forum.

Under Qui's profile I saw this...

Qui is currently away.
Reason: I have been informed that I'm a negative contribution to this site. I'm sorry for bothering anyone. Goodbye.
Away Since: Yesterday Returns on: Unknown

Whoever "informed" her of that didn't have the balls to put a comment in her reputation.

And as far as I'm concerned nothing she has said or done is a negative contribution... if anything she's been a very positive influence since she first arrived here.

If anybody had read her latest posts, looked at her avatar and signatures, you'd see she's been feeling down the last couple days, and needing encouragement... and some idiot got it into their head to tell her she's not wanted here?! They're ignorant and insensitive, and in my opinion, if they're going to have that sort of self-serving attitude, and kicking people when they're down, they are the negative contribution to this site.

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The really sad thing is..whoever did this to Qui..got exactly what they set out to do. He (or she) - were able to chase Qui away...
I hope everyone else learns from this - to stand your ground - if this should ever happen again.

yo. Lost pmed me on my web page to tell me to come back so I decided you should all at least know why I left.
A person here whom I deeply respect pointed it out to me that I don't seem lonely. As of the time that I left I was not. So, I left. I don't believe this was his intention. Please try not to be so hard on him.
Shortly after that I got a message on myspace that informed me that my life was in the process of collapsing on my head. Which it did. I really don't have any energy left to be dealing with these things. If things get sorted out I should be back in a few weeks. Otherwise feel free to email me. I'm sorry to have caused such a commotion, but my life is in the process of being really ugly and painful in several different ways. I can't deal with all of it at once. I'm sorry.
*BIG HUGS for all LonelyLifers*
See you all around.

There's another problem on this forum too. If you cross the wrong person they spread rumors that just aren't true. Some people here do some very nasty things in PM but then nobody can see that and just take their words that they were the ones harassed.

When I joined this site I had no idea that people would be so cruel and viscious in PM. I thought it would be pretty much the same as it is out in the open. I didn't know I would have people sending PMs with threats, foul language, and insults.

This has been a very big disappointment.

Almond said:

There's another problem on this forum too. If you cross the wrong person they spread rumors that just aren't true. Some people here do some very nasty things in PM but then nobody can see that and just take their words that they were the ones harassed.

When I joined this site I had no idea that people would be so cruel and viscious in PM. I thought it would be pretty much the same as it is out in the open. I didn't know I would have people sending PMs with threats, foul language, and insults.

This has been a very big disappointment.

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Yes, very true. But this is a community and it is to be expected. Like in any community there are the undesirables that stir s*hit. I think the best thing to do is to learn who to stay away from and who is okay. But that may just be the Unitarian Universalist in me.

Almond said:

There's another problem on this forum too. If you cross the wrong person they spread rumors that just aren't true. Some people here do some very nasty things in PM but then nobody can see that and just take their words that they were the ones harassed.

When I joined this site I had no idea that people would be so cruel and viscious in PM. I thought it would be pretty much the same as it is out in the open. I didn't know I would have people sending PMs with threats, foul language, and insults.

This has been a very big disappointment.

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i know and i was saying on the other page the other site i go,,had more then one person harassing others and it became a big problem,,just because some people don't agree with others on how they think is no reason to put them down,,,some people even have the nerve to say,,,hey this is just the Internet its not for real!!!! ha,,,well sorry that bites my ass cause here behind my screen is a real person,,a person with feelings,,and a person that needs to be appreciated as much as others need too,,,yes some may be able to deal with this better,,well thats just good i am very happy for them but please do not condemn the ones that are not capable of this

Ps: i hope this dont sound as if i am saying you do that i am agreeing wif what you are saying