Who have the same experience as me

I am 17, I have a very lonely life. So the story began since when i was young, I was raised in a strict family causing me to be very passive. Therefore, I do not have a good relationship with my whole family including relatives. They have accused me of serious offense before. I was bullied mentally and sometimes physically in school. Therefore, I have very low self-esteem and low confidence. I do not know how to overcome this and I have very few friends.

I met a friend at school a year back, I thought he was good but unfortunately he threatened me. I call this friend "A". I also met a "B" friend, he borrowed money from me and never returned it. Since "A" and "B" know each other, I felt they are dragging down my life. "A" and "B" do not have a good relationship too and I fear me being in the middle will be affected by this problem. I always feel threatened by them even if they did not threaten me. This is maybe a trauma. I somehow live through life pretty badly.

I know I explained this situation poorly, it is just too much emotional charged stuff inside this conflict. I just want to talk to more people have friends and live a normal life. It is not that hard right? Somehow I do not know why I cannot do so. Can someone please help?

You have had a very rough time of it during your life. It sounds as though you are so lonely at home and at school. At least you will soon be able to leave home, if this is what you want to do, and start a new life away from your unsupportive family.
At school how much contact do you usually have with A and B? Avoiding them/withdrawing from them could be the best option. Are they in the same class as you? If so , maybe you could speak to a teacher about moving to a different class? You could spend lunch breaks in the library, studying, and say that you want to be ready for college/university if they ask why.

Tiina63 said:

You have had a very rough time of it during your life. It sounds as though you are so lonely at home and at school. At least you will soon be able to leave home, if this is what you want to do, and start a new life away from your unsupportive family.
At school how much contact do you usually have with A and B? Avoiding them/withdrawing from them could be the best option. Are they in the same class as you? If so , maybe you could speak to a teacher about moving to a different class? You could spend lunch breaks in the library, studying, and say that you want to be ready for college/university if they ask why.

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Thx for the reply, so i need to ask another question what happens if they find me or they start to disrupt my life? Maybe even to the extent of involving my family. Pls reply, thx again.

Your problems stem from having low confidence and self-esteem, possibly also of your family.

Your 17, soon going to leave for college, you'll live alone without your family. And college is a place to start anew, build confidence in yourself, forget about bullying, focus on you.

Ak5 said:

Your problems stem from having low confidence and self-esteem, possibly also of your family.

Your 17, soon going to leave for college, you'll live alone without your family. And college is a place to start anew, build confidence in yourself, forget about bullying, focus on you.

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I am basically in college now but some of my old freiends (aka ex-friends, enemies and threatners) are in the same college as i am. To make things worse, they have my phone number and house number. Therefore, I am pretty vulnerable, how can ideal with this, pls reply and thx

Could you switch to a different college, one far away from your home? If you left the area, they may not bother your family at all.
If they have actually threatened your family and home, you could get in touch with the police.

Definitely stay away from "A" and "B" - No real friend would threaten you and use you for money. Unfortunately people like that are not uncommon and prey on people with low self-esteems because they are less likely to defend themselves. Keep journal entries of every encounter that you feel may be related to bullying; This will help you bring them to justice later (and gain a better understanding of why you feel the way you do). If people threaten you harm, report them to the police. Please don't make the same mistake as I did and let people walk all over you... I know it's scary to stand up to them, but it will only get worse if you don't. Once you do, you'll feel relieved and your self-esteem will improve a lot. Don't be afraid to talk to a counselor or psychologist if you feel that your self-esteem or family and bullying issues are keeping you from enjoying life; They can often give you some helpful strategies for coping and making positive changes in your life.

Tiina63 said:

Could you switch to a different college, one far away from your home? If you left the area, they may not bother your family at all.
If they have actually threatened your family and home, you could get in touch with the police.

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I definitely can't change now, I have registered and paid everything. They did not threaten yet but I fear they will.

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DesertWolf said:

Definitely stay away from "A" and "B" - No real friend would threaten you and use you for money. Unfortunately people like that are not uncommon and prey on people with low self-esteems because they are less likely to defend themselves. Keep journal entries of every encounter that you feel may be related to bullying; This will help you bring them to justice later (and gain a better understanding of why you feel the way you do). If people threaten you harm, report them to the police. Please don't make the same mistake as I did and let people walk all over you... I know it's scary to stand up to them, but it will only get worse if you don't. Once you do, you'll feel relieved and your self-esteem will improve a lot. Don't be afraid to talk to a counselor or psychologist if you feel that your self-esteem or family and bullying issues are keeping you from enjoying life; They can often give you some helpful strategies for coping and making positive changes in your life.

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Can you give me some advice? They did not threaten me anymore actually, I just fear they will. What if they result to violence? I definitely cannot afford that.

Avoid any and all further contact with these people. They will not help you at all. Don't let your need for friends open you up to people like this, they will prey on you and continue to as long as you let them. If either of them ever threaten you again and you fear you may be in danger call the authorities. That may seem extreme but living in fear is worse.

JuanCanta said:

Can you give me some advice? They did not threaten me anymore actually, I just fear they will. What if they result to violence? I definitely cannot afford that.

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If they threatened you once, it's already too much. What did they threaten you with? It sounds serious...

DesertWolf said:

JuanCanta said:

Can you give me some advice? They did not threaten me anymore actually, I just fear they will. What if they result to violence? I definitely cannot afford that.

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If they threatened you once, it's already too much. What did they threaten you with? It sounds serious...

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First of all, I live in a world or rather we live in a world powered by two things: Fame and money. As a student and a son, my family are UNSUPPORTIVE. Hence, those advice asking me to talk to authority will probably cause me more problems.

As I was saying, A actually is enemies with B. Somehow I believed A and told him a lot of things. He once threatened me by telling my parents that I went to a game center since he know my weakness with my parents. I somehow got through that period. He also know I borrowed money to B. He somehow threatens to tell my parents I borrowed money to B. Somehow I am fearful that violence may arise.

I do not know but somehow I feel that this situation can get out of my control. In addition, I am a shy, lonely, passive, introvert person. I do not really know how to deal with the cruel reality of life.

Again my only downfall is my unsupportive parents and my carelessness in knowing the wrong friends. I don't mind being lonely. Being lonely is much more better than having to face those challenges.

Overall, the situation is that way, I hope those who encounter the same experience of me can share their invaluable experience. Really appreciated all help already provided.

JuanCanta said:

First of all, I live in a world or rather we live in a world powered by two things: Fame and money. As a student and a son, my family are UNSUPPORTIVE. Hence, those advice asking me to talk to authority will probably cause me more problems.

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Do they come from well off powerful families? This statement makes no sense to me. Unless they are children of people who run the school/country you are in. Powerful figures in the community that might make sense. A lot of us have lived in fear of what might happen if we went to an authority figure for help. There's always reprisals from their friends or it being swept under the rug depending on who they are. If you are too afraid to seek help then it will never stop.

A and B are bullies, you either live with it or do something about it. I just have one question, are you sure there is an actual threat of violence against you from them, or is it just you over blowing it in your head? Cause a lot of us who are like you tend to do that, we let our mind take over and it usually creates worse case situations. It sounds like these two are children who haven't grown up yet and enjoy causing you this kind of grief and anxiety. As long as you let them do it, they will continue until they get bored of it.

Sci-Fi said:

JuanCanta said:

First of all, I live in a world or rather we live in a world powered by two things: Fame and money. As a student and a son, my family are UNSUPPORTIVE. Hence, those advice asking me to talk to authority will probably cause me more problems.

Click to expand...

Do they come from well off powerful families? This statement makes no sense to me. Unless they are children of people who run the school/country you are in. Powerful figures in the community that might make sense. A lot of us have lived in fear of what might happen if we went to an authority figure for help. There's always reprisals from their friends or it being swept under the rug depending on who they are. If you are too afraid to seek help then it will never stop.

A and B are bullies, you either live with it or do something about it. I just have one question, are you sure there is an actual threat of violence against you from them, or is it just you over blowing it in your head? Cause a lot of us who are like you tend to do that, we let our mind take over and it usually creates worse case situations. It sounds like these two are children who haven't grown up yet and enjoy causing you this kind of grief and anxiety. As long as you let them do it, they will continue until they get bored of it.

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Actual threat of violence is subtle. They definitely have threatened me about finding me and punching me but I seriously do not know whether it is a joke or a serious matter. However, until now it has not happened yet.

if they ask you what's up? Just tell them how very VERY busy you are and how you can't talk at the moment. , repeat until they give up. >.>

JuanCanta said:

Actual threat of violence is subtle. They definitely have threatened me about finding me and punching me but I seriously do not know whether it is a joke or a serious matter. However, until now it has not happened yet.

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Yeah, I went through that a lot in school and from people who I didn't even associate with. Survived with never actually getting into a fight. A lot of times they are just empty threats used to control a person. You don't want to call their bluff though, cause they just might punch you to reassert their dominance over you. Just walk away, ignore them for the bullies they are.

Sci-Fi said:

JuanCanta said:

Actual threat of violence is subtle. They definitely have threatened me about finding me and punching me but I seriously do not know whether it is a joke or a serious matter. However, until now it has not happened yet.

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Yeah, I went through that a lot in school and from people who I didn't even associate with. Survived with never actually getting into a fight. A lot of times they are just empty threats used to control a person. You don't want to call their bluff though, cause they just might punch you to reassert their dominance over you. Just walk away, ignore them for the bullies they are.

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Can you share more of your experience if u want. I feel we have a lot in common. I actually became more mature and accepting the cruelties of the world. Once, I naively believe that the world is a peaceful place, not now. I realized that to survive in this world takes an enormous amount of courage especially for me who is a (shy, introvert) person. I grow fond to spirituality and solitude for a peaceful life now.

Actually, this is a common topic on this site. You should search for the bully threads, you'll find a lot of members stories in there and how some dealt with it.

I was picked on, shoved in lockers cause I was shorter and smaller than most guys when I was in high school. I got hung upside down in a stairwell by my ankles once. Some guys like to assert dominance over others, it makes them feel powerful and in control. Usually there is a reason for it, poor home life, or lack of upbringing/solid direction in life, and some people are just naturally mean.

Everyone is a victim of their environment, its what you do with it that matters. You either let it control you, or you don't. Whether you become the bully or the bullied it is up to you. I don't regret being bullied, I didn't do anything to warrant it, I was just an easy target for it.

Sci-Fi said:

Actually, this is a common topic on this site. You should search for the bully threads, you'll find a lot of members stories in there and how some dealt with it.

I was picked on, shoved in lockers cause I was shorter and smaller than most guys when I was in high school. I got hung upside down in a stairwell by my ankles once. Some guys like to assert dominance over others, it makes them feel powerful and in control. Usually there is a reason for it, poor home life, or lack of upbringing/solid direction in life, and some people are just naturally mean.

Everyone is a victim of their environment, its what you do with it that matters. You either let it control you, or you don't. Whether you become the bully or the bullied it is up to you. I don't regret being bullied, I didn't do anything to warrant it, I was just an easy target for it.

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Thanks for the reply, you have a strong endurance right there. I really salute you for that. May I know where is the bullies thread? And what happens if the bullies meet you on the streets. How would you react? Wow, u light up my mind. Please show me the bullies thread, I feel I want to contribute something to this problem. Since many people here have helped me. Thanks so much

There are a lot. You can use the "search" button at the top just under the site title. You can search for "titles only" under where you type in your key words (recommended). It defaults at "entire posts" you don't want that, you'll get bombarded with a ton of threads that mention the word bully. Use "bully" "bullying" or "bullied" and you'll find them all. You can peruse them by title at whatever catches your eye. Some are articles, some are members stories.

Avoid a-holes at all costs, try to meet new people.

I've never been bullied, I've been a big guy my entire life. I'm sorry for what's happened, I'm sure you'll find plenty of support here and in other forums.