Insecurity about things I post here

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Zetsubou-Sensei

Zetsubou-Sensei

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It's become increasingly difficult for me to post here on ALL. Whenever I write something or try to give advice, I find myself constantly questioning my own opinion. I can't help but feel that I have nothing useful to say, or that other people find what I say unhelpful, but likewise don't want to just post nothing and seem like I'm ignoring the person.

Any advice?



 
I'm thinking the fact that you question your own opinions is a good thing. Not many people do, and the result is a hefty amount of ignorance which leads to war, poverty, discrimination, bad government etc. It's good to constantly question yourself. It forces you to continuily search for new evidence, and leaves you open to the possibility of changing an opinion (which people tend to have a very hard time with).

These people tend to have interesting things to say, precisely because they are unsure themselves. Personally I enjoy these types of people because they tend to be good in an argument/debate. They tend to respect the need for evidence and sound arguments, and understand the role of logic and all that philosophy stuff :p.

Anyway, hope that helps.
 
I agree with Foxo that there's nothing wrong with thinking very carefully about what one contributes to a discussion, but there comes a point where it becomes excessive and unhelpful. I think it's perfectionism due to lack of self-esteem - I've had the same issue. Attack the root of the problem by finding ways to boost your self-esteem. CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) has helped me a lot with that. You FEEL that you have nothing useful to say, but the only reason you feel that way is because of your low self-esteem; not because it's actually true. This thread shows you do actually have useful things to contribute to the forum. :)
 
Your doing your best? Nothing else is needed. :)

You ain't a troll (I hope LOL), so why not post your opinions?

Say what's on your mind. Always.
 
I feel insecure about my opinions, because I have been questioned for them before. I also have gotten into fights on here.

I still post, but sometimes I wonder if I am wasting time here?
 
LeaningIntoTheMuse said:
I feel insecure about my opinions, because I have been questioned for them before. I also have gotten into fights on here.

I still post, but sometimes I wonder if I am wasting time here?
Click to expand...

When someone questions your opinion, you feel as if they are questioning your character too, right? You're afraid of being seen as silly or stupid?

It's as someone once said: "To err is human". We're all frequently "wrong" about a lot of things, but that doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with us as a person, and it shouldn't discourage us from discussions. Charles Darwin was wrong about a lot of things in biology as well. Albert Einstein's opinions were far from flawless as well. Imagine if they too thought that they were wasting everyone's time and didn't end up contributing any of their thoughts to society.

I think the point of discussion should be to offer different viewpoints and the reasoning behind them to get closer to the truth. If someone questions my opinions in a constructive manner, I try to be thankful to them for helping me learn more about the topic at hand.

Of course an issue is that a lot of people take things too personal, and it can lead to unpleasant fights. This has discouraged me as well, but in the end we can just walk away when the temperature gets too hot.

We can also try avoiding language that may be interpreted as too aggressive. For example instead of writing "you're delusional if you think that really god exists", you can be more passive and constructive, and write "I don't mean to offend you, but personally I find it difficult to believe that there is a god because X and Y".
 
DesertWolf said:
LeaningIntoTheMuse said:
I feel insecure about my opinions, because I have been questioned for them before. I also have gotten into fights on here.

I still post, but sometimes I wonder if I am wasting time here?
Click to expand...

When someone questions your opinion, you feel as if they are questioning your character too, right? You're afraid of being seen as silly or stupid?

It's as someone once said: "To err is human". We're all frequently "wrong" about a lot of things, but that doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with us as a person, and it shouldn't discourage us from discussions. Charles Darwin was wrong about a lot of things in biology as well. Albert Einstein's opinions were far from flawless as well. Imagine if they too thought that they were wasting everyone's time and didn't end up contributing any of their thoughts to society.

I think the point of discussion should be to offer different viewpoints and the reasoning behind them to get closer to the truth. If someone questions my opinions in a constructive manner, I try to be thankful to them for helping me learn more about the topic at hand.

Of course an issue is that a lot of people take things too personal, and it can lead to unpleasant fights. This has discouraged me as well, but in the end we can just walk away when the temperature gets too hot.

We can also try avoiding language that may be interpreted as too aggressive. For example instead of writing "you're delusional if you think that really god exists", you can be more passive and constructive, and write "I don't mean to offend you, but personally I find it difficult to believe that there is a god because X and Y".
Click to expand...

You're right, in that I worry that they're questioning my character. As someone who suffers from low self esteem, I sometimes feel attacked when I am called out on what I say - however illogical I might sound.

I often go back to edit a post, because I am ashamed of what I posted, and find that I can no longer edit it. It is this, along with my insecurity, that leads to me fearing what I post here.

However, I can also see where I am wrong, even when I feel somewhat that I'm right. And when I get called on it, I appreciate it, even though it's a blow to my self esteem. I am not, as VanillaCreme said, "not listening" - I am listening! I sometimes don't like what I'm hearing, and I would like to believe that the rest of the world is out to get me, as I sometimes state, and that I don't have work to do on myself...but I do. I know that. I get that.
 
just say what you think is helpfull at the moment.
when youre done, said what you had to say put "or maybe not" as a last lime or "I could be wrong".
if youre advise was usefull to the person than great.
if not, your ass is covered ;)

or maybe not... I could be wrong :p
 
I have a few buddies who are in similar situations. In fact, I think most people (unless you're extraordinarily ego-centric) constantly worry about what others think of them and their opinions. It's a huge part of human nature to seek some sort of approval, and to feel insecure when not sure of said approval.

Now, me and these slightly insecure buddies are extremely close, and while they may be insecure about their opinions outside of our circle, the ability to discuss openly within our circle is having a bleeding effect. What I mean by this is they are taking their developed opinions elsewhere and finding approval. We delved deeply into certain topics, free from any bias or moral constraint, and were able to develope confidence in our opinions simply because of our engagement with each other. Sometimes all you need is approval from a few people very close to you, after which you feel confident telling others your opinions because you've thought them through so thoroughly with a small but very close-knit group beforehand.

I understand friends can be hard to find, especially ones so close. That's why I would encourage you to think of this site as full of those potential friends. Drop some of your opinions here, and we'll help you work through them, it's what the site is for.
 
It's good that you question what you are going to say. If you just posted whatever and didn't care that wouldn't be good. There's posting your opinion and then there's posting your opinion. If you pause before you post something wondering if you should, reread it, see if maybe what you have written could be misunderstood. If you have something to say or add to a discussion go ahead. It's the only way to learn how to communicate with people.
 
Zetsubou-Sensei said:
... Whenever I write something or try to give advice, I find myself constantly questioning my own opinion. ...
Click to expand...

As you said it is just your opinion. That should be easy to see if it is stated as DesertWolf describes. Our opinions change over time. What you believe now probably doesn't entirely match what believed in the past or what you will believe in the future. You would be mentioning your opinion at the time. The fact that you question it shows that you are open for your opinion to evolve.

As far as advice most situations have too many aspects or factors to adequately describe in a few lines or paragraphs. You are responding to that as best as you are able with the given information. The reader knowing all the other factors will decide if it applies to their case.

The feelings that you describe about posting are not uncommon.
 

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