Hello again, to those of you who know me. For those of you who don't please read the opening post of my inaugural thread before reading the rest of this post.
http://www.alonelylife.com/thread-pedophilia
So, as an update, I am 63 days child porn free. Part of me is very very proud of that and part of me feels that celebrating not looking at child porn for a couple of months is pathetic. But then again, I think I'll feel bad about it no matter how long I go so maybe I should just be happy with what I can control.
So, the other day I was in a Target and there was this woman chaperoning a group at least 8 young girls, all 11 or younger. The group was walking towards me and I tried looking away and ignoring them (or at least as much as I could without risking running one of them down with my cart). But then as I passed them and concentrated on ignoring them I started having a panic attack. I kept moving forward hoping that as I got distance from them and eventually out of sight that I'd start to shake it off but it only got worse. Then, suddenly I was acutely aware of all the young girls in the store and I started to feel like I was surrounded and I had to get away. I left the store without buying anything. As I sat in my car trying to calm down all I could think about was how much I hated that it took that much effort to keep from looking.
Anyway, that was last weekend. I've encountered young girls in public a couple other times since then and both of those times the same thing happened.
Why is it that I can't even look at a young girl without going into some sort of fit? And what do I do about it?
Thank you.
http://www.alonelylife.com/thread-pedophilia
So, as an update, I am 63 days child porn free. Part of me is very very proud of that and part of me feels that celebrating not looking at child porn for a couple of months is pathetic. But then again, I think I'll feel bad about it no matter how long I go so maybe I should just be happy with what I can control.
So, the other day I was in a Target and there was this woman chaperoning a group at least 8 young girls, all 11 or younger. The group was walking towards me and I tried looking away and ignoring them (or at least as much as I could without risking running one of them down with my cart). But then as I passed them and concentrated on ignoring them I started having a panic attack. I kept moving forward hoping that as I got distance from them and eventually out of sight that I'd start to shake it off but it only got worse. Then, suddenly I was acutely aware of all the young girls in the store and I started to feel like I was surrounded and I had to get away. I left the store without buying anything. As I sat in my car trying to calm down all I could think about was how much I hated that it took that much effort to keep from looking.
Anyway, that was last weekend. I've encountered young girls in public a couple other times since then and both of those times the same thing happened.
Why is it that I can't even look at a young girl without going into some sort of fit? And what do I do about it?
Thank you.