Pedophilia and Anxiety

Hello again, to those of you who know me. For those of you who don't please read the opening post of my inaugural thread before reading the rest of this post.

http://www.alonelylife.com/thread-pedophilia

So, as an update, I am 63 days child porn free. Part of me is very very proud of that and part of me feels that celebrating not looking at child porn for a couple of months is pathetic. But then again, I think I'll feel bad about it no matter how long I go so maybe I should just be happy with what I can control.

So, the other day I was in a Target and there was this woman chaperoning a group at least 8 young girls, all 11 or younger. The group was walking towards me and I tried looking away and ignoring them (or at least as much as I could without risking running one of them down with my cart). But then as I passed them and concentrated on ignoring them I started having a panic attack. I kept moving forward hoping that as I got distance from them and eventually out of sight that I'd start to shake it off but it only got worse. Then, suddenly I was acutely aware of all the young girls in the store and I started to feel like I was surrounded and I had to get away. I left the store without buying anything. As I sat in my car trying to calm down all I could think about was how much I hated that it took that much effort to keep from looking.

Anyway, that was last weekend. I've encountered young girls in public a couple other times since then and both of those times the same thing happened.

Why is it that I can't even look at a young girl without going into some sort of fit? And what do I do about it?

Thank you.

I can sort of relate, although differently. I see a hot 20 something year old girl at my college, and I sometimes have panic attacks.

I can't relate to the kids thing, at least on that level. I feel panic around kids, because of the social aspect (I always feel like they'll judge me), but I can't relate to the attraction part.

I think you need CBT (Cognitive Behavior Therapy.) I took CBT, and learned how to take deep breaths and calm down when in the presence of people that cause me panic attacks (I have social anxiety...again, different, but you have some level of anxiety due to this.) I'd really suggest therapy, if you aren't in it already.

As far as curing the attraction to young girls, I don't think that's possible.

i think the panic comes from feeling something you really dont want to feel but not being able to controll it.
thats actually a good thing from your part.
you know you shouldnt be having those feelings.
but i think you will have to accept that you do.
and other than trying to find a/the reason for it (if there is any) there isnt much you can do about it.
accept maybe learning to controll your thoughts and behavior.
feeling something isnt bad, you cant help what you feel.
the way you act upon them can be bad.
but you seem to be doing and wanting to do whats right.
and that is a verry good thing in this case.
something to be proud of.

Do you not think you should be thrown in front of a judge for looking at what you have?

Trying to control the urges or not it's still a depraved crime.

I've done my fair share honeysuckle and been punished accordingly.

But child porn...

That's great! I'm glad you've been making progress. Keep it going.

I think you might be making this harder on yourself than it has to be. I mean, I don't know how it is to have this sort of dysfunction, so I can only compare it to what other people experience. A guy who finds adult women sexy can go to a beach without freaking out about being surrounded by scantily clad women. He could go into an adult novelty store and be surrounded by pictures of naked women and adult toys without feeling overwhelmingly aroused. Is what you experience around a child different? If so, could you please try to explain?

Right now, I can only think that part of your extreme anxiety is because you're so incredibly focused on not seeing a young girl that way. Obviously, I'm not encouraging you to see them sexually. What I'm saying is that you must try to see them as desexualized human beings.

When you're in a store, remind yourself that you're in a store. Yes, you must try and control your thoughts, redirect them if they go the wrong way. That's all part of keeping yourself in check. However, no matter what thoughts go flying through your head, you're probably not going to act on them... just as a guy on the beach probably isn't going to violate some random woman in a bikini. Some guy in an adult toy store isn't going to start humping the cute cashier. You're not going to assault a little girl. You are not a victim of your disorder. Tell yourself that when you start feeling overwhelmed.

When a guy goes to the beach and is surrounded by women in bikinis, I suppose the difference there is that there's no reason for him to not have thoughts about those women. He's free to think whatever he likes. But me, I have to control my thoughts. It hurts not being able to be yourself, even if being yourself is wrong.

The other issue though is my self-hate. I don't like this part of me. I hate what I am. I see young girls in public and my instant reaction is negative thoughts. Then I have to check those and redirect to something else. Now, most days I can go through life not thinking about it at all, but when something like that happens it obviously reminds me. And once I become conscious of it I just start to hate myself.

You mentioned that you are attracted to adult women as well.

Is it possible to shift some of that attraction onto adult women? Shift it the other way, up instead of down. That way, you'll be legal, and you will still be able to be a sexual person.

I don't know what pedophilia is like, but surely if you are attracted to both, you can unlearn one in order to get to the other? Excuse me if I sound ignorant.

Oh, and Pog, pedophilia is a mental illness. It's not something that should have the OP arrested for.

LeaningIntoTheMuse said:

I don't know what pedophilia is like, but surely if you are attracted to both, you can unlearn one in order to get to the other?

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It is my understanding that pedophilia is a disease that can not be cured, or especially self-cured, as you have suggested. The recitivism rates are staggering - even in cases where the men were chemically or physically castrated. If it were as simple as wishing away their attraction to children, I think many (most) would do that early on.

LeaningIntoTheMuse said:

Oh, and Pog, pedophilia is a mental illness. It's not something that should have the OP arrested for.

Click to expand...

We are now classing paedophiles as mentally ill?

I suppose every other person who ended up in jail over viewing kiddie porn shouldn't have been put there either.

If the original poster commits no further offences then all the better

But he has admitted to viewing child porn, which has taken away the innocence of some child, to feul his own sexual fantasies. He has played a part in the whole depraved world of paedophillia and should be punished accordingly.

That is my opinion. That's all.

The mistake you made was going to Target on a weekend when families are shopping with their children. You can easily avoid this by shopping during week days or in the evening when there is less of a chance of children being present.

Unfortunately, I can't tell you how to stop these feelings.

anon6156 said:

Hello again, to those of you who know me. For those of you who don't please read the opening post of my inaugural thread before reading the rest of this post.

http://www.alonelylife.com/thread-pedophilia

So, as an update, I am 63 days child porn free. Part of me is very very proud of that and part of me feels that celebrating not looking at child porn for a couple of months is pathetic. But then again, I think I'll feel bad about it no matter how long I go so maybe I should just be happy with what I can control.

So, the other day I was in a Target and there was this woman chaperoning a group at least 8 young girls, all 11 or younger. The group was walking towards me and I tried looking away and ignoring them (or at least as much as I could without risking running one of them down with my cart). But then as I passed them and concentrated on ignoring them I started having a panic attack. I kept moving forward hoping that as I got distance from them and eventually out of sight that I'd start to shake it off but it only got worse. Then, suddenly I was acutely aware of all the young girls in the store and I started to feel like I was surrounded and I had to get away. I left the store without buying anything. As I sat in my car trying to calm down all I could think about was how much I hated that it took that much effort to keep from looking.

Anyway, that was last weekend. I've encountered young girls in public a couple other times since then and both of those times the same thing happened.

Why is it that I can't even look at a young girl without going into some sort of fit? And what do I do about it?

Thank you.

Click to expand...

What attracts you to children? Do you find them physically attractive? Or is it more often emotional attraction? I think understanding WHY you feel this way it will help you to better manage it. Do you feel that they won't reject you whereas older girls will?

I didn't read the OPs post in this or any other thread. All I did was respond to the topic. But what I can say is: if someone thinks he is attracted to children, he needs to get into therapy and figure out if he just stumbled on porn that he shouldn't have and went along with it or if he truly has pedophile tendencies. The internet is awash in filth. It can warp people's minds and it can also lead them to believe they are sick simply because they "clicked" on something. Put down the porn, get into therapy. That's my two cents.

FreedomFromLiberty said:

anon6156 said:

Hello again, to those of you who know me. For those of you who don't please read the opening post of my inaugural thread before reading the rest of this post.

http://www.alonelylife.com/thread-pedophilia

So, as an update, I am 63 days child porn free. Part of me is very very proud of that and part of me feels that celebrating not looking at child porn for a couple of months is pathetic. But then again, I think I'll feel bad about it no matter how long I go so maybe I should just be happy with what I can control.

So, the other day I was in a Target and there was this woman chaperoning a group at least 8 young girls, all 11 or younger. The group was walking towards me and I tried looking away and ignoring them (or at least as much as I could without risking running one of them down with my cart). But then as I passed them and concentrated on ignoring them I started having a panic attack. I kept moving forward hoping that as I got distance from them and eventually out of sight that I'd start to shake it off but it only got worse. Then, suddenly I was acutely aware of all the young girls in the store and I started to feel like I was surrounded and I had to get away. I left the store without buying anything. As I sat in my car trying to calm down all I could think about was how much I hated that it took that much effort to keep from looking.

Anyway, that was last weekend. I've encountered young girls in public a couple other times since then and both of those times the same thing happened.

Why is it that I can't even look at a young girl without going into some sort of fit? And what do I do about it?

Thank you.

Click to expand...

What attracts you to children? Do you find them physically attractive? Or is it more often emotional attraction? I think understanding WHY you feel this way it will help you to better manage it. Do you feel that they won't reject you whereas older girls will?

Click to expand...

I'm sorry but what?

I lol'ed at half of that and said WTF to the other half.

He or she is a pedophile who is sexually attracted to children.

Try reading the thread the OP linked.

What on earth do you want the OP to reply to your first question with?

Pezza said:

I'm sorry but what?

I lol'ed at half of that and said WTF to the other half.

He or she is a pedophile who is sexually attracted to children.

Try reading the thread the OP linked.

What on earth do you want the OP to reply to your first question with?

Click to expand...

I asked deliberately open-ended questions to understand his motivations. There are no right or wrong answers. If you don't see the value in understanding a person's motivation behind the action, then... I guess you don't see the value in understanding a person's motivation. The OP is welcome to answer them in any way he sees fit.

FreedomFromLiberty said:

Pezza said:

I'm sorry but what?

I lol'ed at half of that and said WTF to the other half.

He or she is a pedophile who is sexually attracted to children.

Try reading the thread the OP linked.

What on earth do you want the OP to reply to your first question with?

Click to expand...

I asked deliberately open-ended questions to understand his motivations. There are no right or wrong answers. If you don't see the value in understanding a person's motivation behind the action, then... I guess you don't see the value in understanding a person's motivation. The OP is welcome to answer them in any way he sees fit.

Click to expand...

I'll answer them if you don't mind OP.

What attracts you to children? There is nothing in particular, he or she simply is and can't help that.

Do you find them physically attractive? The definition of pedophile is "A person who is sexually attracted to children." so Yes.

Or is it more often emotional attraction? No.

Do you feel that they won't reject you whereas older girls will? I love this one. You insult the OP who you are supposedly trying to help.

OP listen to swanlake, that is some very good advice she gave you.

Pezza, some pedophiles are that way because they believe that ADULT women would reject them. So they go for little girls instead.

My mom was/is a psychologist, so I know all of this. She has treated pedophiles in her line of work.

It is a perfectly rational line of questioning.

LeaningIntoTheMuse said:

You mentioned that you are attracted to adult women as well.

Is it possible to shift some of that attraction onto adult women? Shift it the other way, up instead of down. That way, you'll be legal, and you will still be able to be a sexual person.

I don't know what pedophilia is like, but surely if you are attracted to both, you can unlearn one in order to get to the other?

Click to expand...

I don't think it works that way. I couldn't focus my attraction on adult women and unlearn my attraction to young girls any more than I could unlearn my attraction to adult women and focus on children or stop being attracted to redheads because I also like blondes.

Poguesy said:

We are now classing paedophiles as mentally ill?

I suppose every other person who ended up in jail over viewing kiddie porn shouldn't have been put there either.

If the original poster commits no further offences then all the better

But he has admitted to viewing child porn, which has taken away the innocence of some child, to feul his own sexual fantasies. He has played a part in the whole depraved world of paedophillia and should be punished accordingly.

That is my opinion. That's all.

Click to expand...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pedophilia

Pedophilia is a mental illness. There is a distinction between a person with the mental illness of pedophilia and someone who has committed the crime of looking at child porn. I, myself, may be guilty of both, but just because someone is a pedophile doesn't mean they are a criminal.

If a pedophile committed no crimes then you would never hear about them. The only ones you hear about are the ones who were caught doing something illegal. So in the public's minds, all Pedophiles are criminals. Then, because of that, pedophilia and pedophiles are vilified. This makes it nearly impossible for many pedophiles to summon up the courage to come forward, admit their problem and get the help they need. Then when they don't get help, the incidence of criminal acts amongst pedophiles goes up.

I'm not trying to transfer the fault from the criminal to society. I don't believe in that. We are all responsible for our own actions. It is my responsibility to overcome whatever I need to overcome to solve my problems and not hurt anybody. Even if one of the things I need to overcome is fear of social reprisal. But that doesn't mean that a softening of public attitudes won't help the problem either.

FreedomFromLiberty said:

What attracts you to children? Do you find them physically attractive? Or is it more often emotional attraction? I think understanding WHY you feel this way it will help you to better manage it. Do you feel that they won't reject you whereas older girls will?

Click to expand...

I do find young girls physically attractive. But it's made worse by the fact that adult women are extremely intimidating to me. When I have sex with an adult woman I experience a lot of fear of rejection, self-doubt and a sense of unworthiness. But the thought of sex with a child has none of those associations. Possibly because I've never done it and so can't have any associations, possibly because I actually wouldn't have those feelings if I did have sex with a child (I won't). But I think what it boils down to is that it's an easier, less stressful way for my mind to express itself sexually. I'm sure we all have sexual fantasies and we would never engineer them with things that stress us out or make us fearful. So that, coupled with a fundamental attraction children (which I can't yet explain), is why I am the way I am.

Hummm, I guess my observation and little piece of advice sucked. You have responded to several people, but, not me I have to assume that you do not think you made a mistake. Own what you did you conciously went to a large department store on a weekend when young girls are there.

I edited and added the last sentance.

swanlake said:

Hummm, I guess my observation and little piece of advice sucked. You have responded to several people, but, not me I have to assume that you do not think you made a mistake.

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I was actually going to post the exact same thing Swanlake.

Let me just reassure you that from a sane persons POV, it's the best advice this individuals been given.

Thank you Pezza he has to be more aware of where he is going and who will be there.

Seems like the OP doesn't want to own his mistake. Makes me think that he is not thinking and planning to avoid his issue.