Could you forgive a man who beat a woman up

...and proceeded to behave in ways that reflected that he was truly sorry for what he'd done?


That's ewwsic to my ears!




My answer is yes, of course.

I could.

Yes. My dad was one, and he's a good person who's been through hell.

forgive i can understand, (although i never would).
but trusting him completely ever again would be a big mistake.

Nah there's no forgiveness for that. Once you beat someone up you beat someone up and have to suffere the consequences for your decisions.

I can forgive anybody for anything.

That, however, does not remove the need for justice.

Let's take a look at the worst sin somebody could commit (in my world).

That would be harming my child.

I would forgive him and kill him.

Not sure which first.

My mother's been beaten up by various boyfriends she's had throughout both my childhood and adult life. So far I've not been able to forgive any of them, so I guess my answer would be no. Her most recent abuser/boyfriend passed away a couple of months ago, and hearing of it didn't sadden me one bit. If anything, I felt relief; at least now I know she'll be safe from him.

I think in order for aggression to exist there must be some kind of aggressor. Without pointing fingers, I understand some people are just violent and in that case, perhaps the aggressors are themselves. How can somebody be forgiven if they aren't forgiving themselves? It's a tough question to answer. So I guess I could forgive anyone for anything since I usually don't hang around people for too long anyway. Maybe if I had that person in my life it would be harder to forgive but forgiveness is also a form of closure - for me anyway. It's like finishing reading a book instead of always wondering what happens in the end - without closure the open-ended thoughts will never cease. But then again, what do I know? What does anybody know? It's all perception-based, this reality stuff...

If you mean like in an abusive relationship, maybe I could forgive but never forget. People who abuse others in relationships don't change their ways very easily. They enjoy the rush they get from being in control and they readily enjoy all the benefits they receive by holding someone hostage in a relationship and treating them like an object or a maid.

i would.

Well it's up to the abused victim to forgive him or not. If he/she does, that person still has to be wary of that person and actions. If your asking If I could forgive the abuser as person outside that relationship, I could. But I have to see if that person is making an effort change himself and his ways.

Why just a man who beat up a woman?
If the thought is of a person beat up another person regardless of sex, I think, the person who acted in violence... it is not so "black and white" so as they could not be forgiven. Of course, what matters most is the person who received such violence.
For my own experience, I have forgiven before, after I was hit.

It's very interesting on here that it's mostly the guys that're saying they'd forgive.

SophiaGrace said:

It's very interesting on here that it's mostly the guys that're saying they'd forgive.

Click to expand...

Clearly we condone violence against women!

I would forgive but never forget. If you forgive there is closure for both parties. Otherwise if there isn't forgiveness doesn't that turn into hate? To hate someone, it takes alot of energy ( i know first hand) that's wasted energy that could be used for something good and better. But, never, ever forget. If you forget, you will end up repeating history. Nobody is perfect and that's why there is forgiveness.

I wouldn't.

I could forgive, simply because I refuse to hold hatred in my heart. I would never forget though.

fox said:

Why just a man who beat up a woman?
If the thought is of a person beat up another person regardless of sex, I think, the person who acted in violence... it is not so "black and white" so as they could not be forgiven. Of course, what matters most is the person who received such violence.

Click to expand...

This ^

I wouldn’t see it as a gender issue since I’d ask the same questions whether a man hit a woman or a woman hit a man, I’d want to know the reasons behind the violence and what caused the perpetrator to lash out. As Fox rightly said there is nothing so black and white.

Forgiving Abuse - I think on the broad spectrum its more about understanding and acceptance in each case rather than true forgiveness

A lot of abusive behaviour stems from childhood experiences or early adult hood where abuse has been predominantly witnessed or suffered as the way to deal with conflict or gain control. So if that is the only way they were taught - are they programmed to do any other ?

In those cases I would say forgiveness is not merited because the person abusing should know first hand how it feels to be the victim and not be the thing they hate.

That does not mean that all people who are abused in early life go on to be abusers. In fact some are affected by being over protective of the human race.

A person could also be acting out of true character in a combination of stress and alcohol, drugs etc and just lose it. So isolated incidents could be forgiven.

But as many have already said ' the trust is broken' and not black and white

So forgive yes if the situation merited it - but truly trust to never do so again - impossible !

Well, it depends who the guy is, who she is, whether I care about either of them or not, and whether I actually know them. Oh yeah, and it depends on what preceded the violence.

If your asking if I saw a man beating up a woman, and I don't know either of them, and I don't know what preceded the violence, then honestly it's pretty egocentric to even think of whether I would forgive the man or not -- it's an irrelevant question because it has nothing to do with me. I definitely wouldn't approve of it, because it's violence, and I am against violence, and it really doesn't matter whether the aggressor is a man or a woman. Violence is violence.