I'm afraid of falling in love with the wrong person.....

....so I try not to fall in love at all. Does the concept of falling in love scare anyone else?


Edit: I guess what I mean is...opening up and completely trusting someone. I don't open up very easily to people, and putting my trust and affection into a person that was once a stranger seems odd to me. Plus, I've seen couples (very close to me) who were in love...and then one of them changes or their true side comes out...and the family just falls apart. That's something that can't be foreseen. Maybe I think too much. But, every time I meet a guy that I start developing strong feelings for....I take a step back and think...what's he going to be like in 10 years....and end up coming up with the worst case scenarios.

Falling in love doesnt frighten me in the least.
It's the thought of falling out of love, or having the person you fell in love with, leave you that's frightening.

I'm the male version of this! I empathise completely.

I just can't even ask a girl out, because I'm constantly thinking far too far into the future. I'm afraid I don't know what the solution is

All I can ever get in my head is "Oh God, what if I end up marrying this person and it doesn't work out?" Stuff like that.

Plus I've already been burnt pretty badly by women in general, I don't feel like I want to pour my emotion into someone if it'll just bite me in the end.

I think it's a good fear to have in a way. Once you meet the right person and know them for awhile, I'm sure something will tell you that he is the one. But also, everybody has little changes they make throughout their life. It'd be nice if we could predict what those changes are.. lol. I think one thing that's good to look for in someone is when they know what they want out of life.. and the kind of person they want to be with and stick with it. When it comes to finding "someone".

To answer your question simply, yes.

I can empathise with the fear of falling in love, I’m quite the same.

I was married at 24 and divorced at 29, I won’t go into the details but it was a mutual agreement with no aggression, on paper it looks like the ideal separation but a large part of me is terrified of going through another shattered emotional investment again. I want to fall in love, in fact I do, but the fear of having those emotions thrown back at me prevents me from acting on them. I know there are trust and self-esteem issues buried in there somewhere, whenever I do attempt to reach out to someone I end up getting my feelings ignored and dismissed which adds to the fear factor. Heck I can make women disappear faster than Houdini ever could and after each time I tend to retreat and withdraw as a constant reminder that love is not for me.

For me love will forever be that cookie jar placed on the shelf just out of reach.

somber_radiance said:

....so I try not to fall in love at all. Does the concept of falling in love scare anyone else?

Click to expand...

More than anything else.

somber_radiance said:

....so I try not to fall in love at all. Does the concept of falling in love scare anyone else?


Edit: I guess what I mean is...opening up and completely trusting someone. I don't open up very easily to people, and putting my trust and affection into a person that was once a stranger seems odd to me. Plus, I've seen couples (very close to me) who were in love...and then one of them changes or their true side comes out...and the family just falls apart. That's something that can't be foreseen. Maybe I think too much. But, every time I meet a guy that I start developing strong feelings for....I take a step back and think...what's he going to be like in 10 years....and end up coming up with the worst case scenarios.

Click to expand...

you pretty much described me. Except I'm into girls lol. I don't know I just have a hard time trusting people I don't like opening up at all I never did. I just don't like getting close to people. I guess because I'm scared of getting hurt

Honestly, it didn't until I fell in love, lol. Knowing now what love is: this painfully beautiful and brutal emotional maelstrom. But I wouldn't take back having met this person despite the pain. The thing is, we're always strangers to others. Even our friends and family. There may be exceptions, but I think most people hold back an inner secret or two of themself. Something big or small that defines us in a way only we could understand about ourself. But when you're in a relationship where both are communicating from the heart, that lays the foundation. All those things we keep to ourselves begin seeping out one by one. All I can say is trust your instincts. But don't fear love for the pain. Because to have felt it for even a brief moment, like me, it was amazing. I wish you luck.

IambicBlonde said:

Honestly, it didn't until I fell in love, lol. Knowing now what love is: this painfully beautiful and brutal emotional maelstrom. But I wouldn't take back having met this person despite the pain. The thing is, we're always strangers to others. Even our friends and family. There may be exceptions, but I think most people hold back an inner secret or two of themself. Something big or small that defines us in a way only we could understand about ourself. But when you're in a relationship where both are communicating from the heart, that lays the foundation. All those things we keep to ourselves begin seeping out one by one. All I can say is trust your instincts. But don't fear love for the pain. Because to have felt it for even a brief moment, like me, it was amazing. I wish you luck.

Click to expand...

Unfortunately there arent that many people with your kind of luck. It seems like most of us will almost always end up in a relationship where someone will not open up to you untill the very point that it matters, which most often ruins the relationship.

I am not afraid of falling in love. It is a great feeling. The feeling that is not so great though with falling in love is when the other person for some reason stops loving you and doesn't want to rekindle those feelings. It is like being rejected twice. They reject your love and then they reject your attempt at reconciliation. I think these are the people that are really afraid of love. The feelings become too intense for them so they start pulling away from you. This is what has made me cynical about the whole concept of love lately.

somber_radiance said:

....so I try not to fall in love at all. Does the concept of falling in love scare anyone else?

Click to expand...

Have you heard of the book 'Feel the Fear and DO It Anyway' by Susan J. Jeffers?
I haven't read it myself, but the title is kinda inspiring.

I don't think I will ever actually love anyone. I had really heavy feelings for two girls and it ended up going no where. So I am not afraid of love I don't even know what it is and with my women troubles I doubt I will.

I am far too easily trusting...
I kind of am open and honest on this forum as I am in real life...

It kind of scares away most people... but there have been a few people interested... and from that honest ground, we develop trusting relationships...

In the context of finding a girl to trust tho.... its hard... I find myself only trusting the puppy love stage in girls...
Girls with many relationships, or previously hurt seem to have the most mixed feelings... or unwilling to let go... so the trust and honesty is only one sided...