tormented soul

Is it possible to think you love someone?
just in the realm of the mind.. but not in reality?

I broke up with my first love 3-4 years ago.
I'd known her as my better half for 10years.
It really seems impossible.. but I realize I think about her all the time. still...
every song I hear. fits my memory of her...
Every attractive quality in a girl, I see her.
in my loneliest hour, I think of her. a lot.... maybe too much.

I tried to grow up in this time. All i did was screw up.
And all that would make it better is if I had you by my side.
but reality seems farther and farther out of reach of you.
I've screwed up so bad..

I was aiming for the stars. while standing in a planetarium.

A man as stupid as this. will only bring misery to the people that love him the most. That is the fate I wanted to protect you from.

But I feel so tormented. How Do I Know Reality If It Doesnt Have You In IT!>?

MadMonkè said:

A man as stupid as this. will only bring misery to the people that love him the most. That is the fate I wanted to protect you from.

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I can relate a lot to this.

As much as I know I am no good, I still yearn for that feeling of companionship. To love and be loved.

But my inner demons pose a threat to any relationship I am in. Feelings of worthlessness and suicidal tendencies are a strain -- I push people I may care about the most, away from me, just so they don't have to deal with it as well. To protect them from the darkness I have inside. It's infectious.

Sorry to ramble on your thread...

In regards to your situation, is it too late to contact her and make amends?

A lot can happen in four years -- given about four years have passed, she also may not be the same girl you knew back then.

But it is worth the effort if you think these questions will haunt you forever.

Hey man nothing wrong with having strong convictions you knew that person was your love and they still are its rare for people to stick to their guns, but run it across your mind some more was there anymore reasons that have become less important now, was it all you or did you pick up on some mutual vibe that made you think that it was time to change your life.

570rm47 said:

Hey man nothing wrong with having strong convictions you knew that person was your love and they still are its rare for people to stick to their guns, but run it across your mind some more was there anymore reasons that have become less important now, was it all you or did you pick up on some mutual vibe that made you think that it was time to change your life.

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Well... I think the best way to describe it....

she had always backed me up. everything I wanted and decided... up until the final moment when I broke her heart.

it is that sort of relationship that I miss... and loved about her..
its true... she probably has grown in more ways than I can imagine now... or at least expects much more of me to prove my worth.

I'm a kid. a big kid. emotionally..
but for her... I will do whatever I can to catch up.
but time is running out...