I need therapy

I desperately need therapy. I desperately want to go to therapy. But I can't. I'm too afraid of what people will think of me. I have some supportive family, I have some not-so supportive family. But what they would actually do or say if I told them is irrelevant. I would believe that they think less of me, whether they actually do or not. How do I cope with this? How do I get over it so I can get myself into therapy.

Therapy just gives you the tools to get better. That's it. Its not about weakness.

You don't have to tell anyone about it if it really bothers you,but it's still nothing to be ashamed of...

I am in therapy and although I don't go around telling everyone, I don't hide it either if the topic comes up. As Missing says, you could go and not tell anyone. Have you had negative messages throughout your life about needing support and help?

Neo: make an appointment and go see a therapist ASAP. You will be so glad you did. It's not going to fix all of your problems, but therapy is a great way to get an outside perspective on your life and help you work through some of your issues. I've been in therapy on and off since I was 12 years old, and I consider myself pretty well-adjusted.

I firmly believe everyone should see a therapist at some point or points in their lives. It's not like a doctor, you don't just have to go when you're sick. The pattern of going week-in and week-out will give you some stability. Then one day, you'll find maybe you don't need to go for a while.

As for some kind of "societal stigma"...fresia it. The people who give you honeysuckle about it just don't understand what therapy is. My own father thought I was crazy for wanting to see a therapist. He thought he did something wrong raising me or that I must be suicidal. Then he saw how well it was working for me, and now he goes to one on his own.

Seriously...just do it. You will not regret it.

It seems like more than your family or other people you feel you will think less of yourself for going to therapy.

What do you view therapy as......and what do you view people who go to therapy as?

My best friend is in therapy and I think it has been wonderful for her. I have no problem with therapy. It's not what I think of therapy that's the problem, and it's not necessarily what other people think either. It's what I think other people will think. Specifically my family that I live with. It's not something I'll be able to hide from them. I keep researching therapists and I've tried to call a couple times but I just can't go through with it. I'm too afraid.

If your best friend is in therapy see if you can join her one day and talk with her therapist, especially if it's been good for her. You might not want to see the same person but her therapist might be able to direct you to someone suited for you. Going with your friend might give you that step you need to go through with it.

Great suggestion, but no-can-do. I moved to California from Massachusetts last year and I don't know anybody over here who is in therapy.

neo, if you're scared to talk someone in person, maybe you could talk to someone over the phone first? Focus on the Family, where I work, offers a service where you can talk to a counselor over the phone for free. They don't do ongoing counseling that way, but they could help you locate someone in your area if you wanted to continue therapy. The number is 855-771-4357 if you're interested.

Update.

I was talking today with a friend of mine about therapy. She was encouraging me to go again and in the process of discussing my aversion to it I stumbled on some emotions.

When I was 12 I was having a particularly bad year in my life. I was a victim of bullying my entire childhood and it was at its worst that year, my parents were getting divorced and they were leaving it up to me to decide which parent I wanted to live with after the divorce, my brother, the person I looked up to most in life, dropped out of college and became an alcoholic and I was failing 5 subjects in school. I was consistently visibly depressed. Whenever certain topics would come up I would be on the verge of or in tears.

One day my father, my brother and I were playing scrabble. I lost. It was a close game and I played very well in retrospect. But as soon as we tallied the numbers and I saw that I'd lost I immediately broke down sobbing. Looking back I couldn't tell you why specifically this upset me so much. But the point is I was extremely unstable and would collapse at the drop of a hat. So, faced with me in this state, my father said "That's it, you're going to therapy," and he walked out of the room.

I ended up going to 4 sessions. It was a complete waste of time. What the therapist ended up telling my parents about what he thought was wrong with me was so off base it's laughable looking back at it. But more importantly, I never wanted to go in the first place. I didn't want to go to the sessions, I didn't want to be in the room alone with that woman. I didn't want to talk to her, I didn't want to answer her questions, I wanted no part of this. But I was forced to go anyway. It was the single most embarrassing experience of my life and after every session I felt incredibly violated.

So now I have these terrible emotions associated to therapy and an outright fear of it in general. I know logically this new scenario would be completely different. It would be my choice, there's nothing to actually fear and I don't have to answer any questions or say anything I don't want to. But none of this has any effect on what I feel about therapy.

How do I get over a fear of therapy?

Hi Neo,
I went through something very similar to what you described when I was younger, and although I totally identify with what you're saying, what I can tell you about the difference between then and now is that now you're older you do have a voice. You can tell the new therapist about what happened before and why/how it's created an aversion to therapy, and what you're not willing to tolerate this time around. It's okay to be up front and vocal with them. As a matter of fact, you should be. And if the therapist doesn't treat your concern with respect or condescends to you like an authority figure... find another one. It's about you, not them. Always remember that. You first.
If it helps, write your fears down and take it with you.
Anyway, I'll keep you in my thoughts.