warewolf95
Member
- Joined
- Mar 11, 2012
- Messages
- 16
- Reaction score
- 0
Ok guys. First post. Please bear with me as it is going to be a long one
All my life Ive been a normal kid, not a loner, not a loser, nothing wrong with me. But ever since 1st or 2nd grade up until 8th and 9th grade, I was picked on and made fun of for no reason and was always ignored. I have several close friends and only now as a junior in highschool do I manage to have more than 2 or 3 real friends.
Because of all the abuse I am very very shy, although you may not realize it. Around my friends, even the girls in our group, im very open and try very very hard to not be left out. But then when im by myself in a class without any other friends and I meet a girl, the first that ever said hi to me first, I cant even muster the courage to say anything to her other than "hello" even though I am dying to know her better.
I am 16, turning 17 next month and live with my parents. I have two older sisters, 22 and 24, that both no longer live at home. For as much as I love them, they always would inadvertantly gang up on me or pick on me, albeit friendly, which still made me even more self-conscious. I get upset very easy because im very self-conscious and VERY easily offended/hurt. I cant stand parties and large social gatherings. Im not anti-social, I just love my alone time. Im at school with friends all day, I dont feel the need to always have to hang out with them after school or on weekends. Hell, most summers, Ill only see on or two of my friends 2 or 3 times MAX.
I dont know why, but ever since i was little, ive absorbed random useless info and had weird, but not bad, obsessions. I remember in 4th and 5th grade I had a serious random obsession with the comic Peanuts. I bought myself some books about Charles Schultz and remember being told by my teacher to stop reading at recess and go play. Ive never fit in anywhere.
Middle school was HORRIBLE. Due to a crappy administration I was suspeneded 3 times in one year for defending myself from bullies, and the 4th time I was suspended was because a kid was calling me names, so I hit him with a dull pencil, but i hit a freakin artery and, just like a movie, blood started spraying everywhere. *facepalm*
Im not violent. Im not athletic. I mostly keep to myself. Im not a depressive anti-social person that wants the world to burn blah blah blah.
I just feel like I dont belong in this life or soemthing.
END OF PART 1. Let me type part 2 please.
PART 2
When I was 8 or 9 I got a 15 dollar gift certificate to WalMart for my birthday. I went with my mom and saw something that caught my eye. It was the ACDC Family Jewels DVD that has all their promo clips on it. I bought it and brought it home. My mom skeptically allowed me to buy it (Im assuming because of the title, which I didnt understand until a year later).
I devoured it and became obsessed with ACDC to the point that I literally bought all their albums and dvds and books and became a fanatic. My 4th grade teacher even had a conference with my mom because she was concerned about all the logos and pictures of ACDC I would draw in class.
Follow that with The Ramones in 5th grade and Skynyrd and Iron Maiden in 6th and 7th. I was obsessed with music and didnt know how or why. I love everything from Bob Dylan, Megadeth and Frank Sinatra to Slayer, Kasabian and The MArshall Tucker Band
When I discover an artist or topic of any kind I read and watch everything I can about it quite literally becoming an encyclopedia on the topic.
I collect bootlegs and started collecting myself vinyl when I was 9. My parenst had absolutely no influence on any of this and I am NOT from a musical family at all. My mom gets mad that I waste my money on vinyl, lol. I adore Frank Zappa and The Smashing Pumpkins and my first concert was Foo Fighters on their Echoes Silence PAtience Grace tour in 2008 in Pensacola. Still havent gotten round to McCartney, lol
When my oldest sister was a teen she briefly "played" guitar. Out of curiosity I found her crappy old electric and would strum it upside down unplugged for a year. Im left handed. I couldnt do anything and didnt know how to do anything but somehow managed to play along to all the 60's Stones albums like Out Of Our Heads, Aftermath, etc.
Somehow, a year or two later, I could comprehend what I was doing, but I still dont get theory at all. Now im the best guitarist in my school with a band called As Is Now after the Paul Weller album. How did all this happen?
It feels like im in limbo, because ive accomplished so much but have noone that cares about me. No girl has ever flirted with me and Im very quiet and afraid to speak alot of the time, always dreaming someone will walk up to ME instead. Im fine with my friends but only because ive gotten to know them over a very long period.
I dont hang out with people and my parents think im a recluse. Im not. It simply bores me to waste my time doing things I dont want to do with others. I believe I have really bad social anxiety but am too scared to ask my parents for help as my mom has bi-polar and my dad doesnt believe that drugs/help can help and thinks mental disorders dont exist.
Hell, most days, I come home from school and pop on a video bootleg, like an Oasis concert or something, and have more fun with that than I would hanging with any friends.
I write my own music am obsessed with it. My walls are covered with music posters, I have dvd bootlegs all over the place, my 160gb ipod is ful with 21,000 songs (no lie!) I have to have all the best shows from every tour by the artists I like, blahdy blahdy blah....
I dont know whats wrong with me. Like, I feel like im in a state of limbo or something. Im a B student tho I can easily make As. I just hate school and find it a waste of time when I could be playing music and working towards a career performing it. Ive acquiesced to going to college but still am not enthused about it. Plus I hate where I live. I feel so out of place.... Like, Im not picked on, but noone ever notices me or goes out of their way to be friendly to me, etc. Its all so hard to explain.
Music Is my life and my dreams and without it Id have no interest in anything. I LITERALLY have NO other interest of any kind (besides girls of course ) Its like, if im home Im listening to music. If im not listening im watching. If im not watching im reading. If im not reading im playing guitar along to some bootleg etc etc etc... I mean, on an average day, Ill listen to 10 to 14 albums ranging from soft rock to jazz to death metal.
Im really sorry for the huge post but there's nowhere else I can tell all this
All my life Ive been a normal kid, not a loner, not a loser, nothing wrong with me. But ever since 1st or 2nd grade up until 8th and 9th grade, I was picked on and made fun of for no reason and was always ignored. I have several close friends and only now as a junior in highschool do I manage to have more than 2 or 3 real friends.
Because of all the abuse I am very very shy, although you may not realize it. Around my friends, even the girls in our group, im very open and try very very hard to not be left out. But then when im by myself in a class without any other friends and I meet a girl, the first that ever said hi to me first, I cant even muster the courage to say anything to her other than "hello" even though I am dying to know her better.
I am 16, turning 17 next month and live with my parents. I have two older sisters, 22 and 24, that both no longer live at home. For as much as I love them, they always would inadvertantly gang up on me or pick on me, albeit friendly, which still made me even more self-conscious. I get upset very easy because im very self-conscious and VERY easily offended/hurt. I cant stand parties and large social gatherings. Im not anti-social, I just love my alone time. Im at school with friends all day, I dont feel the need to always have to hang out with them after school or on weekends. Hell, most summers, Ill only see on or two of my friends 2 or 3 times MAX.
I dont know why, but ever since i was little, ive absorbed random useless info and had weird, but not bad, obsessions. I remember in 4th and 5th grade I had a serious random obsession with the comic Peanuts. I bought myself some books about Charles Schultz and remember being told by my teacher to stop reading at recess and go play. Ive never fit in anywhere.
Middle school was HORRIBLE. Due to a crappy administration I was suspeneded 3 times in one year for defending myself from bullies, and the 4th time I was suspended was because a kid was calling me names, so I hit him with a dull pencil, but i hit a freakin artery and, just like a movie, blood started spraying everywhere. *facepalm*
Im not violent. Im not athletic. I mostly keep to myself. Im not a depressive anti-social person that wants the world to burn blah blah blah.
I just feel like I dont belong in this life or soemthing.
END OF PART 1. Let me type part 2 please.
PART 2
When I was 8 or 9 I got a 15 dollar gift certificate to WalMart for my birthday. I went with my mom and saw something that caught my eye. It was the ACDC Family Jewels DVD that has all their promo clips on it. I bought it and brought it home. My mom skeptically allowed me to buy it (Im assuming because of the title, which I didnt understand until a year later).
I devoured it and became obsessed with ACDC to the point that I literally bought all their albums and dvds and books and became a fanatic. My 4th grade teacher even had a conference with my mom because she was concerned about all the logos and pictures of ACDC I would draw in class.
Follow that with The Ramones in 5th grade and Skynyrd and Iron Maiden in 6th and 7th. I was obsessed with music and didnt know how or why. I love everything from Bob Dylan, Megadeth and Frank Sinatra to Slayer, Kasabian and The MArshall Tucker Band
When I discover an artist or topic of any kind I read and watch everything I can about it quite literally becoming an encyclopedia on the topic.
I collect bootlegs and started collecting myself vinyl when I was 9. My parenst had absolutely no influence on any of this and I am NOT from a musical family at all. My mom gets mad that I waste my money on vinyl, lol. I adore Frank Zappa and The Smashing Pumpkins and my first concert was Foo Fighters on their Echoes Silence PAtience Grace tour in 2008 in Pensacola. Still havent gotten round to McCartney, lol
When my oldest sister was a teen she briefly "played" guitar. Out of curiosity I found her crappy old electric and would strum it upside down unplugged for a year. Im left handed. I couldnt do anything and didnt know how to do anything but somehow managed to play along to all the 60's Stones albums like Out Of Our Heads, Aftermath, etc.
Somehow, a year or two later, I could comprehend what I was doing, but I still dont get theory at all. Now im the best guitarist in my school with a band called As Is Now after the Paul Weller album. How did all this happen?
It feels like im in limbo, because ive accomplished so much but have noone that cares about me. No girl has ever flirted with me and Im very quiet and afraid to speak alot of the time, always dreaming someone will walk up to ME instead. Im fine with my friends but only because ive gotten to know them over a very long period.
I dont hang out with people and my parents think im a recluse. Im not. It simply bores me to waste my time doing things I dont want to do with others. I believe I have really bad social anxiety but am too scared to ask my parents for help as my mom has bi-polar and my dad doesnt believe that drugs/help can help and thinks mental disorders dont exist.
Hell, most days, I come home from school and pop on a video bootleg, like an Oasis concert or something, and have more fun with that than I would hanging with any friends.
I write my own music am obsessed with it. My walls are covered with music posters, I have dvd bootlegs all over the place, my 160gb ipod is ful with 21,000 songs (no lie!) I have to have all the best shows from every tour by the artists I like, blahdy blahdy blah....
I dont know whats wrong with me. Like, I feel like im in a state of limbo or something. Im a B student tho I can easily make As. I just hate school and find it a waste of time when I could be playing music and working towards a career performing it. Ive acquiesced to going to college but still am not enthused about it. Plus I hate where I live. I feel so out of place.... Like, Im not picked on, but noone ever notices me or goes out of their way to be friendly to me, etc. Its all so hard to explain.
Music Is my life and my dreams and without it Id have no interest in anything. I LITERALLY have NO other interest of any kind (besides girls of course ) Its like, if im home Im listening to music. If im not listening im watching. If im not watching im reading. If im not reading im playing guitar along to some bootleg etc etc etc... I mean, on an average day, Ill listen to 10 to 14 albums ranging from soft rock to jazz to death metal.
Im really sorry for the huge post but there's nowhere else I can tell all this