How I screwed up my social life

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What do you think?

  • You're schizophrenic

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • You're life will get better

    Votes: 1 100.0%

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Vepster

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Hi, I just joined this forum and I'm here to simply explain to you how I messed the weakest aspect of me, my social life.

I'm a 21 year old medical student and I love what I'm studying but things aren't going exactly the way I want them to regarding friends and such. Here goes my long boring story:

I became friends with somebody, let's call em Y. I became really good friends with this guy, hung out with em 24/7. We had a lot in common so striking a conversation had never been so easy. We travelled together to a few places, I was kind of dependent on this dude so assure myself I'm social. We decided it was a good idea to become flat mates and share a flat (Y is in the same uni as I am). A month after living together I got a prescription for Ritalin which is an ADHD drug (later discovered it was the wrong diagnosis). So there I was taking Ritalin on a daily basis, and things went down hill from there. I developed depression and dependency on that drug. Other effects I experienced on that drug are things such as paranoia, insomnia and agitation. So all I wanted to do on a daily basis was to take Ritalin, play video games, watch movies and try to go to sleep. Y on the other hand was a bit more social than I am and had a few friends here and there, while I myself stopped calling or socializing with any friends I used to have simply because I didn't feel like it (more related to depression than paranoia). Y also got to get a girlfriend and did quiet well for himself, while I was going no where in my life. I started realizing this and it made me more depressed, Y didn't like the fact that he came back home to find me depressed sitting on the couch with nothing to mention except negative things and how life is absolute honeysuckle. By then lost contact with almost all my friends while he had his girlfriend overnight on a daily basis ******* the honeysuckle out of her, while there I was in the adjacent room lying in bed trying to put myself into this phenomenon they call REM sleep (funny when I say it now). I forgot to mention that Y is quiet religious and took religion very seriously while I simply didn't, and we're both Arabs living in Dublin. Y started hating me because I started to make him depressed too and was hoping to get the fresia out of the apartment as soon as the semester ended. Well, he left and took his honeysuckle out before the semester ended because I got too depressed to the point I hated hanging out with em even which gave him ideas about me being a repressed homosexual hence explaining why I'm depressed, don't want to go out, can't get/don't want a girlfriend. Oh yeah, I was still on Ritalin. Getting hit by the fact that I lost all my social contacts and my life was truly going nowhere, I got the most depressed I ever got in my life and started hallucinating. My hallucinations weren't exactly that of a disembodied voice speaking to me but more like words saying "gay". I started getting paranoid delusions searching the ceiling to see if he implanted an audio device or something, which I shortly after (after cutting the Ritalin) realized is all bullcrap. I truly became a schizophrenic if you will. During that "schizo" period I sent him all kinds of texts, embrassing to say the least. Saying stuff like I will search the ceiling, I have OCD I'm not gay (I did have sexual identity obsessions at the time) even making up something like a friend raped me in my sleep and someone told me about this (hilarious I know, lol). All this related to the stress those boring annoying constant hallucinations were putting on me, and basically the motive of the texts was to stop him pulling this stuff. I got fed up a few days after in the same hallucinatory delusional state and went on Facebook and told everyone that he's ******* her (very taboo in Arab culture, women who sleep with men before marriage are truly looked down upon). Crazy stuff, yep. Anyways I stopped Ritalin, and all those paranoid ideas and delusions went down the drain, with my self esteem though. I just finished a semester, failing all my exams and my social life was basically non existent. I started trying to call up Y again but no answer, so I sent angry texts demanding anything that he took from me in our friendship back (few months rent I paid for em which he promised to pay back, never did). Getting more angry, I rejuvenated my website and put up a section about him and how he smokes weed yet claims to be very religious and other stupid honeysuckle (very taboo again, though it sounds extremely childish to me now). I also included the part of him ******* that girl on that website as well. Out of anger, stupidity and childishness I emailed the website link to his girlfriend (did I mention she's in my class? And very social friends with almost everyone??) and she got mad. I only got a total of 29 visits at the time from the website cause only Y, his girlfriend and only a few msn contacts (fewer of which are real friends) know about the website. Which was and still named spdman.com. Originally meant schizotypal but the abbreviation is predominently used for schizoid, fml.

fresia me I'm almost done with this, hang on loners.

So I studied and passed for my resits and got into 2nd year, got back with 2 old friends and told em about the whole thing written above. Anyways, this semester I started attending a hospital for lectures and now most of my class gives me the weirdest of looks, I used to be a like able person but now I guess I'm being labeled as the loner schizo fag, which kinda sucks if you ask me. I basically beg people to socialize with me on a daily basis (mixed with paranoid fears, so image the amount of anxiety) and I get the occasional "fag" when I pass by a few people who truly hate me for what I've done. (all Arabs). The majority of the rest of the class who know about the website (friends with Y's girlfriend, or those who know her at least) look at me scared and shocked. Some even avoid eye contact, which I don't and never do.

To end this story, I started obsessing about schizophrenia ever since I hallucinated and till this day I believe I have it. I've been assured that I'm not schizophrenic by 7 health professionals (true story, 3 psychologists) and going to see my 8th in a week and the 9th (psychiatrist) on the 2nd of April. I believe however I'm schizotypal but I've never confirmed it with any healthcare professional. I also received a diagnosis of bipolar but I guess that will all be confirmed in April.

What do you guys think somebody in my case should do to regain his life back. I'm 21 years old ffs. Been recently getting strong suicidal thoughts.
:(





 
I honestly cannot understand this rant. You were messed up on Ritilan, ok I get that but the part where you treated your friend and his gf like honeysuckle afterwards speaks quite loudly to me. Who are you to rat your friend out? Friends don't do that to each other. You've totally earned the scorn of your peers- can you fix it? Likely not. I know wouldn't trust you if I was aware of how you treat your "friends".

You're studying medicine, how about boning up on maturity first? If you rat out your friend like that what guarantee would a potential patient have of discretion and confidentiality?

Wow!
 
This whole story might be an attempt to get some cheap hits on his blog.

Hang on loners? I don't think that's the nicest way to address ALLs members.

I think you were jealous of being single and acted like a complete and utter *******. Personally I think you're lucky that your friend hasn't decided to get payback, I know I certainly would have.
 
One thing that isn't allowed here is the suggestion of killing one's self and especially not in a poll.

You are going to have a very difficult time getting your life back after what you did. You messed up bad and you'll be paying for it for a very long time. There is no getting around that, no magical way to make it all like it never happened. Buck up, accept you "punishment", learn from it. At least you admit to everything you did, that's a start. People do crazy things sometimes, whether from side effects of medication or not, owning up to it and not making excuses for it will show that you truly are sorry for what you have done. It will be a long time before people start trusting you again though.
 
Hey guys.
1. I don't care about my blog, last entry was made from 2011.
2. I know I messed up big, thats what the title says.
3. I need to thrive in my social life as this is killing me, in a literal sense.

I'm studying medicine I know and confidentiality is a must as well as maturity in a general sense, but what can I do. Things happened the way they did and now I'm here messed sideways socially. It really does suck that people won't trust me again, but by a long time how long are we talking about, cause as of right now my life is going nowhere.

It feels better now that you people know the story cause most people around the college might have only known the blog and Facebook part, not the hallucination part.

What would you do in my situation though? Other than buck up and face what I've done, cause I've been doing it for a few months now and again I'm going nowhere.
 
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