Trying to accept the fact I will be alone forever

Its a tough pill to swallow, but it needs to be done. I cant keep on feeling sad because I will never know what it feels like to be loved, or to be valued by a man. I need to just get over it, because its got me so depressed I walk around on the verge of tears all day long. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and just cry because of how much it hurts. I hate this. I just want to know what its like to be touched by a man who loves and cares about me, and I want to be safe and free to feel the same way about him. It hurts so bad, sometimes I feel like my chest is going to explode.

i feel the same as you (but with women)
but i still have some hope and you should have to... we never know the future we might meet someone that understand us
don't give up i bet you will find someone that you will like and will make you happy you look like a nice person

BrunoPT said:

i feel the same as you (but with women)
but i still have some hope and you should have to... we never know the future we might meet someone that understand us
don't give up i bet you will find someone that you will like and will make you happy you look like a nice person

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I try to do this, find solace in being alone while not being upset about it and waiting for that right one.

I don't know if I'm waiting for someone to accept me or for me to be done changing though. When I no longer have any fat to loss I guess we'll find out if I'm abnormal or just wasn't hot enough.

I feel the exact same way, but with women.

HOw did i miss this?

I really think you are a good person.

If i lived near you we could start a commune! Erm, okay, 2 people is not a commune but we'd be friends and...would...support each other emotionally and stuff.

Thank you Sophia darling! We should do that! I already have the land, and a bunch of animals, I think we could be off to a good start

septicemia said:

Thank you Sophia darling! We should do that! I already have the land, and a bunch of animals, I think we could be off to a good start

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Where are you from? Would I need to immigrate?

USA here.

USA here too, west coast!

septicemia said:

USA here too, west coast!

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oh good, no passports required

I feel the same way but about women. I just keeping hoping I will find the one or get comfortable being alone because this is eating me like a dreaded disease. I find myself wanting to die. I just don't have the guts to do it. I'm not a bad person just a broken person. My heart has been broken beyond repair. I pray to God to make it stop hurting I don't think he hears me anymore.

septicemia said:

Thank you Sophia darling! We should do that! I already have the land, and a bunch of animals, I think we could be off to a good start

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You are EPIC septicemia!

I want to have the same thing: animals, land, and EXCELLENT FRIENDS to hang out with on the property!
Too bad you are in the USA .
Or would you consider moving up into the LOVELY GREAT WHITE NORTH?
I have plenty of snow, and I'm willing to share!

Guyonthelake said:

I feel the same way but about women. I just keeping hoping I will find the one or get comfortable being alone because this is eating me like a dreaded disease. I find myself wanting to die. I just don't have the guts to do it. I'm not a bad person just a broken person. My heart has been broken beyond repair. I pray to God to make it stop hurting I don't think he hears me anymore.

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Guyonthelake, you're a good guy.

Try to focus on personal growth, and taking part in social things in your community.
Join a book club or take an art class at the local community college.
You will be flabbergasted at how many people are out there, and just want to meet someone, but for whatever reason, haven't yet.

THEY WANT TO MEET YOU.
YOU JUST HAVE TO LET THEM.

So get out there.
Don't let anything stop you.
Sign up for that course.
Join that local club.
Make the call right now.

You will be surprised at what you reap in rewards by sowing a little effort!

I've tried that stuff it just doesn't work. I talk to people reach out. It never works.

septicemia said:

USA here too, west coast!

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Me too but not at the moment! I am traveling across Europe right now actually. I am finding that I can talk to a lot of people in the hostels. People are very friendly but they are very shallow relationships that do not really develop into friendships so far . I see that you're possibly creating a commune I may be interested .

I felt terrible last night, I haven't felt so lonely since I became single again, my little one fell asleep in my bed and I normally move him to his bed but I was just happy to have him there next to me I just sat stroking his head listening to him breathing and wished I had someone to tell how much I loved him. I love them both but its not enough.

I don't know why when I've been single in the past I've always thought someone will come along and eventually they do but I just feel different now like something fundamental in me has changed. I dont want another half arsed relationship, I'm scared I'm going to settle for someone. I still meet women regularly and chat to them, I'll chat to anyone when I'm out, but I'm just not interested in them beyond talking, I want to meet the right girl. My last 2 relationships have been with girls 10 years younger and I'm not going down that route anymore but I don't feel 35 either and I don't look or feel my age at all. People can never belief I have a 14 year old son, they think he's my younger brother! I used to like looking youthful but its a pain in the ass, I want people to know I'm 35 and that I want a serious relationship, I just end up chatting to girls that are too young out of habit and then stopping myself getting drawn into something that I know will fizzle in a few months, but women seem to disappear after 25 in my town and what few I meet I have so little in common with and they don't seem to want to aspire to anything in life or to see the world. Package holidays and a shiny new car thats about it....They're good people just not someone who I can relate to, I just want more, to sit down with someone and say to that girl, what do you want to do in life? What are your dreams? I want to help you make them happen, help each other live the best life possible together and for each other. But no one seems to have any dreams in my town or say something that makes me smile and melts my heart.

Sorry for the rant, I just needed to choose a loosely related thread and get it out of my system. I'm smart, kind, not bad looking and still full of hopes and dreams and there is no one it seems who I can find that I can share that with. I'm not settling for second best, I'm totally determined not to, but I just think that means a life lived unfulfilled. (I should spell check this but can't be arsed)

me too

my stomach has been in knots for 2 months now

I read this thread just now and I feel the same way.

It's been so long since my last romantic relationship and the thing I miss the most is having a physical presence at night, someone to cuddle and sleep next to in bed. I find going the whole day single / alone is ok but I feel it most at night.

Anyone have any ideas on how to deal? My thing at the moment is just to work out at the gym until I'm so tired I crash and fall asleep quickly so that I try not to dwell on this.

Nero thread revival but that aside, what makes the two of you think you need to accept being alone forever? Have you really exhausted all your possibilities?

Paraiyar said:

Nero thread revival but that aside, what makes the two of you think you need to accept being alone forever? Have you really exhausted all your possibilities?

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I can't speak for the other two, but I think I finally got this acceptance too. Well, not quite. Maybe. It still bugs me and I still yearn for it and maybe sometimes in the dark I'll whisper that maybe it will happen but I know it won't. So if you can have the pain and occassional wish but know better, then I accepted it. If not, then I'm a work in progress but I'm mostly there.

I don't think one can truly exhaust our every possibility because each new person we meet is a new possibility. But it's hard, and it's tiring.

I don't know how to love. I've never been told I love you, nor said it to anyone. There is only one person that I have feelings for and he is the only reason I'm here because I told him I would call if I was going to try again and it's a shitty ******* thing to ask your best friend to accept you dying, so I haven't.
I don't really know how... to be with someone. I'm used to being demeaned and violence. That's what I know. Not saying I like it, but I know it. He was right all along - there isn't anyone who is going to want to put up with the likes of me. I'm am that useless, no good...
Compliments I don't do well with. I get extremely bad anxiety and most often look like a stuck up prick because I leave because if I don't remove myself from it something uncool is bound to happen. I assume that you are either lying to me or there is something you want from me, or both. Hook, line, and sinker, you know? But I know you're up to something because you're nice.

Now try being someone else and dealing with that. I get it. I'm all that messed up, and while maybe not completely irrepairable - I'm a lot of work. A lot.

I don't do things half-heartdly. I'm very much an all-or-nothing person. So when I commit, I commit. But it's hard to open up. I try to keep the hurt and pain locked up so no one see's it, but then what do I have left? That's all I am. So if I find someone who can last more then an hour with my bitter, jaded, distrustful, depressive sad self - I eventually wear on them. I do make progress, but not enough. Or not quick enough. So they move on to someone more happy and "appreciative" and I am back at square one.

And really, it's just too much. I'm too much. I can't expect anyone to deal with me day in, day out when I can't ******* even stand myself. It's not fair. And it's hard.
So it's easier just accepting that fact, then to keep hopelessly running in that same rut again and again.

Never let go of hope my friends

septicemia said:

Its a tough pill to swallow, but it needs to be done. I cant keep on feeling sad because I will never know what it feels like to be loved, or to be valued by a man. I need to just get over it, because its got me so depressed I walk around on the verge of tears all day long. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and just cry because of how much it hurts. I hate this. I just want to know what its like to be touched by a man who loves and cares about me, and I want to be safe and free to feel the same way about him. It hurts so bad, sometimes I feel like my chest is going to explode.

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I happened to see this thread while I was reading something else, so I know it's an old post but it made me stop and think.  I have been feeling similarly for a long time, ever since I became of age to date.  I want to know what it feels like to be loved and valued by a woman in a romantic way.  I just wonder if it will ever happen for me, as year after year passes and the threat of being single, dateless, and sexless for life becomes more and more real.  I hate it too.

The trouble is, as a male, if I say these same things I'd get called needy. Or, I'll get told that I need to give up on anyone I'd actually like and just settle for anyone who will have me, whether they can give me what I'm looking for or not.  And if I don't already have what someone is looking for, even if it's something I want to cultivate in myself but don't have it yet, it doesn't matter.  I'm supposed to have it naturally and if I don't intuitively know how to do everything correctly that a guy is supposed to do, it must mean I'm worthless, that I have no potential, and even the thought of asking for a chance to change and prove myself is met with basically being told to know my place and resign myself to it.    

It is just so weird how a guy is supposed to attract a woman.  As a guy, you're not supposed to act like you "like" anyone.  You're supposed to be some kind of lone-wolf desperado cartoon character that actually enjoys loneliness, acting like you don't care who you get, that any woman will do because it's all just sex, it's all the same.  If you say that you want someone specific and not just anyone, that's it, you're dismissed as being "needy" or having "one-itis" or some stupid bullshit phrase, because you want things to go a specific way instead of just anything.  You're supposed to hope that however you happen to be at this point in time just so happens to fit with whoever you like, and cross your fingers.  And if it's not, or it might be but you don't know how to show it or you do things wrong because you don't know better or you make an honest try but still don't get it right, you're screwed. And even wanting to correct your mistake is again dismissed as "needy" because you're not supposed to care who you get.  I think attraction is a bunch of stupid game-playing. I really hate all of it.

I don't mean this as an attack on the OP.  I just wanted to point out the difference.  It's just a frustrating situation to begin with.  But then, when you add that if you even try to talk about these issues as a guy you're basically told to shut up, it becomes even more so.  I guess all I can do is keep reading, keep thinking, keep trying to figure out what's wrong with me and fix it so I can be more competitive, and hope it actually works and isn't all for nothing.