Convinced I don't belong

Lately I have been becoming more and more convinced that I just don't belong in society. I have never been adored by someone, never had anyone want me in their life. Every guy I date gets what they can get before I break down and leave out of sheer desperation for my own sanity (which, normally, by then is completely in tatters).

Am I the only person who has never experienced how it feels to be truly adored? I feel like my life is empty enough (professionally) without it spilling over into my personal life. Every day is getting harder and harder to want to wake up to. I work so much that I cannot see how I will ever get a chance to meet anyone, and even if I do, I don't see how I can trust anymore. Double edged sword or what......

My friends (all two of them) tell me that I will find someone, but their kind words of support are more and more often falling on deaf ears. I try to get out there, but I am ignored by all except the ones drugged up to their eyeballs and looking for, well, you know. And to be honest, I've even lost interest in that as it's always shallow and pointless.

I more and more often don't see why I am even alive. I'm just a blip on the surface of a world that does not want me. And to be honest, the only upside is that I am no longer surprised when I find that once again I have hit a brick wall in that department.

Hi Boring girl,

I know how you feel, and i'm sure alot of people here feel the same way. I find that the more you try to impress someone, you come accross as insecure and needy, thats why we attract people who are users... they get the girl who is easy to get because she is sooo needy.

If you are here, its because you were wanted. People in your life care more than you can imagine. And you know what, the only thing that realy matters is that YOU like who you are, you take care of you, you make sure you are happy. This will help make you an independant person, who respects herself and is proud of who she is. Then....people who are confidant , honest, etc, will be attracted ...

I am 40,and for the first time, i am feeling loved for the right reasons , i am beeing adored, respected and appreciated. I'm still struggeling with the ''can this be true'' part, but you know what, its happening now, and i'm going to enjoy it...

You are not alone. I share a lot of the same feelings. It eventually led to a lot of anger/rage, which I decided to put to use to improve myself. So far being selfish and pissed off seems to work against the depression that comes with these feelings at least. It hasn't helped me find anyone that "wants me" though. Maybe eventually.

kamya said:

You are not alone. I share a lot of the same feelings. It eventually led to a lot of anger/rage, which I decided to put to use to improve myself. So far being selfish and pissed off seems to work against the depression that comes with these feelings at least. It hasn't helped me find anyone that "wants me" though. Maybe eventually.

Click to expand...

I know what you mean; I am trying to use my anger to better myself, and to make my life better. The only thing I find is the more I behave like this, the more people don't like me. I have come to a point where I have become comfortable with being alone. It doesn't make it feel any better when I'm lonely, but at least it's a start.

Maybe it's time you considered doing something else with your life jobwise - or a different aspect of the job you do. So that you surround yourself with an entirely different group of people. Because it sounds like the ones you do meet aren't good for you.

And to offer a little perspective on your situation, I've never even been in a relationship. So you have that on me. Just keep trying. Or try something new, do something new, give different people a shot you wouldn't ordinarily. If Type A guys aren't the answer, try Type B. Then Type C, so on. Until you meet the ones who do adore you. They're out there. You're highly adorable. Your adorabilism is a religion that some guy wants to devoutly worship. Though with 6+ billion people in the world it will take some time finding him. Though you can probably write off Iran, Iraq, Afghanistan, Pak... well, just skip any country with sharia law. And China, too. Do you really want a brooding Communist? If you want my advice, you can't go wrong with a Canadian. Sure, they're a little slow but I blame that on the weather.

Don't give up, BG. But think outside the box. Be a little unorthodox. If what you're doing now isn't working. But I suppose there's always the hope that you'll wake up tomorrow and a new person will pop into your world. For your sake, I hope they do.

whispers said:

Hi Boring girl,

I know how you feel, and i'm sure alot of people here feel the same way. I find that the more you try to impress someone, you come accross as insecure and needy, thats why we attract people who are users... they get the girl who is easy to get because she is sooo needy.

If you are here, its because you were wanted. People in your life care more than you can imagine. And you know what, the only thing that realy matters is that YOU like who you are, you take care of you, you make sure you are happy. This will help make you an independant person, who respects herself and is proud of who she is. Then....people who are confidant , honest, etc, will be attracted ...

I am 40,and for the first time, i am feeling loved for the right reasons , i am beeing adored, respected and appreciated. I'm still struggeling with the ''can this be true'' part, but you know what, its happening now, and i'm going to enjoy it...

Click to expand...

I am genuinely so happy for you, that is magnificent that you feel that way.

I thought I had found that person last year. I couldn't believe my luck. I'd finally found someone who cared about me, and was like me. Turned out he was sleeping with someone else the whole time. I am in NO WAY suggesting this will happen to you, and I hope you have found true happiness.

You are right; the users can sense your desperation. And the more it happens, the more you find the users. It's an evil circle that never ends. I am trying to become more confident, and to finally, for the first time in my life, love myself. It is not easy though; I genuinely feel like I am not good enough for anyone. That no one wants me.

Thank you for taking the time to respond. And once again, I hope for nothing but happiness and love in your life xx

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Hey IB,

I am in the process of doing that now. I meet a lot of people through my main job, I work in the music industry and run another business on top of that. It's the only way to afford to live in Australia. We supply the world with what they want, and we pay the price.

I've only ever dated people from other countries, I married an Englishman, dated an Indian guy and my last hell was with a Kiwi. And the Australian guys I've met like stupid girls who don't answer back.

You can have my relationships if you want; I wish I had never been in one. At least I wouldn't be completely broken due to their selfishness. I actually am starting to be concerned that I am too broken now.

I guess I have been thinking about the type thing; I don't have a type. I just want to meet someone I can share my life with and have intelligent conversation with. The rest is not important.

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Sorry if I seem a little glum and distracted since I started the thread; I just found out some bad news (cause it never ends) and it's kinda shaken me to the core.

What was the bad news that you found out?

They're going to start fracking in the city that I live in. It's mainly bad news because we are already almost out of drinking water most of the year, our rainfall keeps dropping each winter, and they think they are going to be just fine risking 1.6 million people's main source of water.

And as a proud environmentalist who loves her city as her family helped found it, it's shocking to think that they will destroy it for something that isn't worth it. My state is already being torn to pieces to feed the world's demand for iron ore and other minerals, and now we have to do this??

So it meant some heavy duty "we need to get outta dodge" convos with some friends that distracted me greatly from what I was talking about here.

But it also reminded me of part of the reason why I feel I've ended up alone, and part of the reason why it gets to me. Everyone thinks I'm crazy when I point out what's going on around them; what's going on in front of their very eyes.

I guess I'll just get used to being on my own. It's looking like it'll probably stay that way. I'm too 'radical' for those who just want the world's problems to go away so they can enjoy what they have guilt free. Fair enough.

So yeah, this is my main 'type'; someone who truly sees things the way I do. It's non negotiable. And not someone who says they are like that, and then turns out to be a total hypocrite. Because the last guy I was with was exactly that; all talk, no action. He'd balk at environmental atrocities, and then commit them himself. Nature means a lot to me, and it doesn't mean a lot to most people nowadays.

Fracking is when they break up the rocks under the ground to search for gases right? I've heard lots of horror stories about that. It ruins whole towns when their drinking water comes out really contaminated. Home values basically go to zero because no one wants to live there. If you can't stop them from doing it would you think about moving away?

Yep, pretty much. They are saying that they think the sandstone (like limestone - ie porous) is going to keep us safe; but they aren't going to actually check, they're just going to do it anyway. Add to that, the state govt has flooded our market with land so our housing prices just dropped anyway, and it's just another knife in the back for those of us who have worked so hard for nothing.

I was always going to move away; Western Australia (well, Perth anyway) is hellish at best to live in. But I wanted a little bit more time to prepare myself; but now they're saying they'll begin the prelim process by the end of the year.

And no one can stop our "Dear Leader" as I call the ******* (our State Premier). He's on a HUGE ego boosting rampage before he retires next year. The man wants to build a riverside resort on a river that is nearly dead thanks to fertilisers being dumped in it for 50+ years. The worst part about living in Australia is the total lack of respect for nature that seems to flow through the masses' veins.

So off to the country I go. I'm not sure how I'll get there, but I have to go. And I have to go fast. *sigh*

I've given up the "finding someone" search now. I have too much other stuff to plan. And I know (from 10 years of telling people that honeysuckle like this was going to go down) that I'll be going it alone. Everyone here thinks I'm crazy. Even though everything I've ever told them has come true (I'm not psychic; humans are just pathetically predictable)....

Thanks for listening y'all

I saw the movied "Gasland". If I could I'd stand up for all communities effected by fracking.

Me too. I watched it last week, and then to awake to the news that it's coming here just slapped me in the face. We mine every **** square metre of WA, and it's just gut wrenching that they are going to do this without making sure they won't kill us in the process.

Its insulting really to be honest.

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And everyone here is so apathetic you know you have no chance of fighting it........

So flee I must

BoringGirl said:

Lately I have been becoming more and more convinced that I just don't belong in society. I have never been adored by someone, never had anyone want me in their life. Every guy I date gets what they can get before I break down and leave out of sheer desperation for my own sanity (which, normally, by then is completely in tatters).

Am I the only person who has never experienced how it feels to be truly adored?

Click to expand...

For a long time, I have also felt like I don't belong in this world. I fantasize about "returning home" sometimes...whatever that "home" may be.

To be TRULY adored...I believe that is a hard thing to find. I always second guess myself when I meet a guy that's interested in me. I can never tell if its because they think I'm sexable or because they like me for me. All the attention and affection I've ever gotten from guys just leave me feeling emptier and wanting more....because few stay around when they find out I'm not interested in being their F buddy.

Not sure what else to tell you...just know that you are not alone.

BoringGirl said:

They're going to start fracking in the city that I live in. It's mainly bad news because we are already almost out of drinking water most of the year, our rainfall keeps dropping each winter, and they think they are going to be just fine risking 1.6 million people's main source of water.

And as a proud environmentalist who loves her city as her family helped found it, it's shocking to think that they will destroy it for something that isn't worth it. My state is already being torn to pieces to feed the world's demand for iron ore and other minerals, and now we have to do this??

So it meant some heavy duty "we need to get outta dodge" convos with some friends that distracted me greatly from what I was talking about here.

But it also reminded me of part of the reason why I feel I've ended up alone, and part of the reason why it gets to me. Everyone thinks I'm crazy when I point out what's going on around them; what's going on in front of their very eyes.

I guess I'll just get used to being on my own. It's looking like it'll probably stay that way. I'm too 'radical' for those who just want the world's problems to go away so they can enjoy what they have guilt free. Fair enough.

So yeah, this is my main 'type'; someone who truly sees things the way I do. It's non negotiable. And not someone who says they are like that, and then turns out to be a total hypocrite. Because the last guy I was with was exactly that; all talk, no action. He'd balk at environmental atrocities, and then commit them himself. Nature means a lot to me, and it doesn't mean a lot to most people nowadays.

Click to expand...

Dear BoringGirl,

You are not alone in caring about the world or even wanting to be active in it. I am actually quite an active person and I am surrounded by active people! One of my friends is in fact an former Animal liberation front person who now works in Student government and writes sustainability policy for our college. I myself go and do local politics, at the college level(sometimes city level), and I briefly worked at ACLU as an intern and plan to someday go back to working there. My friend is a huge environmentalist and frankly I am **** proud to know her and she is a consistent reminder of what an excellent person is. I am more of a civil rights person than environment, but i know whenever I am ignorant of an environmental issue I can ask her. On top of that we are surrounded by people also in our colleges student government who are active people who do different things and want to make a positive difference in the world.

I know this is all college examples, but I am still in college despite being 25, and frankly I love being in an environment with people who want to make the world a better place and act on it. You can find that environment, but I might suggest you check around for political groups because that is where we exist. Unfortunately I don't know the Australian activism groups, but since I am a Feminist I would suggest you start there.